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  1. #21
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    Before you say anything sit back and think in 5yrs will any of this matter? Is it harming DD?

    My mum takes my kids on buses, trains, ferries, to museums, parks etc. im grateful firstly for her taking them & giving me a break, secondly for giving them experiences & finally for spending their spare time with their grandchildren - a relationship that is beneficial to both.

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    Nemmi1987  (20-01-2016)

  3. #22
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    Hmmm my DD went to the nail salon first at 2. I'm sorry by 5 I wouldn't have thought she was rushing in taking her.

    Sorry I know you're put out and I get that, but she really didn't do anything wrong. She probably loves your DD so much l think she just wants to make life as fun for her as possible.

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    @Redcorset your updated post rings alarm bells to me. Bringing her back late, questioning why you need to know where they're going, undermining you re basic safety and food intolerances etc all sounds like she is stomping on boundaries IMO. They're your children you know best not her and what you say goes especially re diet and sunscreen! Sounds like she doesn't respect you very much if she just steamrolls and does as she pleases. If she respected you she might quietly disagree but recognize your role as the parent and butt out and follow your wishes (which don't seem unreasonable to me anyway).
    I'd get DH to tackle it even though you said it didn't go well perhaps he can have another go. She needs to know you're both on the same page as to what's appropriate. If she doesn't pull her head in then I wouldn't let her watch DD for a while. Sorry I'm quite harsh I just don't get why grandparents feel they can blatantly disregard parents wishes or interfere and it's just glossed over as 'aw shucks grandparents will be grandparents chuckle chuckle' and they get a free pass to do whatever they want.
    Another thing to ask yourself is would it bother you as much if it were your mum instead of mil? That's a good gauge as to whether you're nit-picking. But in short I don't think you're being unreasonable at all in your feelings and expectations.
    Thank you. This makes me feel like I'm not being quite so unreasonable! I have also thought about my own mum doing it and I'd feel the same. And I am happy to express my feelings to my parents when I feel like they have crossed the line (Like when my mum left my 18month old in the bath unattended ).
    I'm more than happy for grandparents to have fun times with the kids and not follow routines or healthly eating for a day or so but I do get annoyed when they consistently push the boundaries and disrespect our parenting style.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Hmmm my DD went to the nail salon first at 2. I'm sorry by 5 I wouldn't have thought she was rushing in taking her.

    Sorry I know you're put out and I get that, but she really didn't do anything wrong. She probably loves your DD so much l think she just wants to make life as fun for her as possible.
    I respect that you may have done that for your 2 year old but my MIL knows everything my kids do - and she knows full well that I haven't taken her. I feel its a bit different to someone who wouldn't have known.

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redcorset View Post
    I respect that you may have done that for your 2 year old but my MIL knows everything my kids do - and she knows full well that I haven't taken her. I feel its a bit different to someone who wouldn't have known.
    It's nails. Nails. She probably didn't take notice.

    Might be time to wean back from involving/relying on the mil so much. Or is there a reason you need her help?

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    Nemmi1987  (20-01-2016)

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's nails. Nails. She probably didn't take notice.

    Might be time to wean back from involving/relying on the mil so much. Or is there a reason you need her help?
    OP has stated that she doesn't rely on mil or need her help, mil asks to babysit not the other way around. OP lets her have time with DD out of the goodness of her heart 😉.

  9. #27
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    Thanks for everyone's perspectives. I can see how this would seem petty on my behalf. I guess its more the straw that broke the camel's back. I've NEVER said anything to her in regards to where she takes my kids, I've let the sunscreen slide, I've let the dairy slide. My point is, she would have no reason to get defensive with me because I'm not one to speak up for myself - I'm more of a keep the peace/people pleaser type. I've always left it to DH to decide how or what to bring up with her. Like when DD was 3 days old and MIL visited the hospital with a raging cold and told us she felt terrible, etc. A few days later my newborn has a cold. DH was furious so he let her know to be mindful of passing on germs - She didn't visit for 3 weeks and later told us she found it hard to bond with our DD because she was told to stay away...

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    VicPark  (19-01-2016)

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    OP has stated that she doesn't rely on mil or need her help, mil asks to babysit not the other way around. OP lets her have time with DD out of the goodness of her heart 😉.
    Regardless of whose idea it is - The mil seems to have a lot of access to the OP and her grand child. And a lot if awareness of the families activities. It seems unusual to be - probably because my own mil wouldn't know what's going on in my family.

  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's nails. Nails. She probably didn't take notice.

    Might be time to wean back from involving/relying on the mil so much. Or is there a reason you need her help?
    I DONT need her help. As I said before I always pay for childcare when I need help. I'm not one of those that rely on grandparents for babysitting. Some people have to and I have no issue with those that do. My MIL asks me if she can take them for a while.

    I understand my issue has come across as petty. Just know there is more to it than I was able to get across

  13. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's nails. Nails. She probably didn't take notice.

    Might be time to wean back from involving/relying on the mil so much. Or is there a reason you need her help?
    To me this is just the surface, it's the fact that the mil refuses to say where she is taking OP's child, refuses to follow health and dietary instructions, then something like just an ordinary manicure comes along and you want to strangle someone.


 

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