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  1. #1
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    Default How do you share your time between your kids.

    So DD (almost 4) seems to have her nose out of joint about me giving attention to my 16 month old DS.

    I'm trying my hardest to give her more attention, but it still doesn't seem to be enough.

    DS can be very in your face - mostly liking to interact with me wanting me to read books, pick him up, sit in my lap. But he does interrupt DD and while I try not to let him get in the way of my time with DD, it's a bit hard when he just screams (the boy has a set of lungs on him, I tell you what!) and DD hates crying so she gets upset and just tells me to do what ever it is he's wanting to do so he stops crying and not upsetting her.

    Any tips? Or do they both just need to get used to getting what ever attention I can give them both?

    For those of you with 2 (or more kids) how do you share your time between them?

    Is there maybe something I should be saying to DD to make her feel better about the amount of attention I give her?

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    It's hard when they're little like that. I used to explain to my older kids that when they were at the age of their younger, demanding sibling that they got the same amount of attention, and that they just don't remember it...but that when their sibling gets older they will as big and smart as them and will be able to do more things on their own.
    We organised regular dates one on one with the older kids, and usually took them to places that were really hard/impossible with a baby (we still do this, but less frequently now as my kids all kind of float between wanting time with me/us/ and wanting to be alone so it's easier to give them all regular one on one time without scheduling the time in), and when the baby was asleep I'd make sure I spent time with the older kids...not the whole time, but the first 40 minutes or so we'd play with what they wanted to play with, and then they'd be happy to do their own thing, or we'd bake or do chores together so they felt included without the house turning in to a fest pit

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  4. #3
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    I've got a 5.5yo, 3.5yo and 3mth old. Obviously I spend more time with the baby as she needs me more. But I put the kids to bed in turns in order to get that quality cuddle time. So day sleeps I sit with my middle child whilst nursing the baby if awake. Night time I put the baby to sleep then sit and cuddle my eldest.

    I find just that 5-15 min per day just for them is exactly what my kids need.

    I don't dedicate any other time just to them but I do a fair bit with all three.

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    Can't give my own personal experience as a mother, but I remember when I was a kid I would get my "special mum time" in the evenings after my younger sister went to bed (5 years younger so big difference in bed times).

    Dad would also take me to the beach by myself and we'd go surfing or bodyboarding - was a lot easier for the just the two of us to head down after school with a towel between us, then try and pack up the whole family.

    Mum and dad were also pretty blunt with us about having to take turns - if you'd spent all day with mum and decided that whilst she was doing the bedtime routine with the little one, that that would be the perfect time to tell her a story, then you'd get told to leave them alone and wait your turn.
    Last edited by alliecat89; 18-01-2016 at 18:19.

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  8. #5
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    Nap time and special weekend outings. Time you can do things that only 'big girls' can do. Further than that, unfortunately to an extent she'll have to get used to it, and your DS won't always be demanding.
    Hang in there, it's exhausting being pulled from all sides like that xx I found the mummy/big boy dates with my DS were so precious and lovely at that time because sometimes it's just nicer hanging out with a (relatively) rational preschooler than a toddler!

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    Honestly, with 3 kids it is difficult to have one on one time. I have a 7, 5, 3 year old.

    I play a game with my kids every night before bed. Sometimes I even just ask if they want to come and do the groceries with me and help me.

    If I can see they really need my attention then I organise a day out with them alone.

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    My kids get virtually no one on one time with me. except the youngest who is 2. The others get time in the car going to activities the others aren't involved in, or homework.

    With 4 kids it's virtually impossible and to be honest. I'm like @BigRedV. If they really need it we find a way.

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    I have a 1, 3, & 5 yo, & also don't have a huge amount of 1:1 time. I wonder if the whole 1:1 time with each child is more of a modern parenting expectation that we put on ourselves? I don't remember having much 1:1 time at all with my kids, and my Grandma was too busy washing clothes by hand or spending time cooking and cleaning the old fashioned/ 'hard' way to be able to spend much 1:1 time with any of her 6 kids. That being said, I love to spend time doing activities and special things with my kids when I can. I try to do a lot of activities with the older two while the baby sleeps or is happily playing, such as board games, craft, puzzles, etc. I find also getting them to help me cook dinner is a great activity for us to do together - they help with peeling potatoes or chopping mushrooms/ soft items, breaking broccoli into pieces, etc, while we chat or tell stories to each other. I do find that 'toddler' age difficult where they can't really participate in activities - when the baby is older, all 3 of the kids will be able to do activities together, but she is too little for much of what the older two do. It is a tricky time, and I am always trying to find balance in being 'fair' with spending time with my kids. I wish I had a maid and chef so I could spend all day with them :P

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    Just thought I should add...the one on one time that my kids get at home can be things like:
    * One wants to play a board game or card game, but the others don't, that's one on one time.
    * At the beach, one wants to go body surf, and the others want to lie on the sand and read - one on one time.
    * One follows me around while I do house chores and chats to me, while the others are busy doing their own thing - one on one time.
    * One wants to come grocery shopping with me, the others choose to stay home - one on one time.
    * one wants to walk the dog with me, the others don't - one on one time.

    We generally organise special one on one time during really crazy busy times in our life where the kids might be feeling a little bit neglected in general, they ask specifically for it, or they seem to having a really hard time for whatever reason.
    One on one time doesn't have to be a grand gesture. I understand that your 4 year old 4 year old is having a hard time right now OP, but honestly, it's a phase that she will grow out of once she gets a bit older. It's important not to drive yourself nuts trying to be the 'perfect' parent. You just need to keep reassuring her that you love her, and reminding her that it's just a phase that her brother will grow out of. It will be okay.

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  18. #10
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    I think it's also because at 16 months OP your son isn't all that exciting to his big sister. He doesn't play with her , and in fact may soon become even more of an annoyance as he tries to get her attention.

    I've found once my younger ones get closer to 2 and a half they become more fun for the older ones to be around and more of someone they can play with. Hang in there. It's hard.

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