+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't have older kids however I have an older sibling. When were that age we fought like cats and dogs. With hindsight it really didn't have that much to do with my sister or I. It was more about our parents:
    - had favourite children (led to resentment)
    - had different rules for different kids
    - did not role model appropriate behavior when it came to solving conflict or keeping tempers in check)
    - had issues of their own

    Not saying any of these factors are influencing your children. Hope this helps.
    Thanks but this isn't (as much as I can be objective) really what's at play. I'm far from perfect but my kids are loved equally and we go out of way to spend time with each of them alone. There are different treatments but largely that's because I cannot give a 10 year old the same consequences as a 2 year old. DH and I don't fight. He's not an arguer at all.

    But it's all food for thought. I certainly know when they all drive me nuts I hear myself in their words and it makes me cringe.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Central Qld
    Posts
    285
    Thanks
    357
    Thanked
    295
    Reviews
    0
    Can i asked what you changed in their diet? Subbing as i have same problem.
    Many people think when you say diet it means that the kid's been eating crap but it doesn't. It means 'what your child is presently eating and drinking'. "Bad" diet doesn't mean eliminating processed foods either. It means an eating and drinking regimen that doesn't suit that particular person.

    In our case, our child was quite physically violent and easily provoked. And it was escalating. Before we engaged in other strategies such as behavioural management and medication etc, we started with the first cab off the rank - food and drink.

    Our first port of call was to get some tests done. Then we reduced sugar intake and this involved examining the day to day consumption. I was amazed at what I found when I really looked. We then eliminated certain foods such as fruit (yep, all fruit), certain vegetables, some herbs and spices and additives to food such as flavours (even when they said "natural").

    We also eliminated dairy and certain meat products.

    We didn't do this all at once and we didn't do it alone. We had the assistance of a medical practitioner.

    As a result of elimination, reintroduction and modification, we were able to pinpoint the foods that said child was sensitive to and we altered his eating and drinking accordingly. His behaviour changed so markedly it was the only strategy we ended up using.

    As a bonus, his asthma is completely and utterly gone.




    PS. I'm not saying that this is "the strategy" but certainly one worth considering.
    Last edited by Mrs Tickle; 17-01-2016 at 19:01.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mrs Tickle For This Useful Post:

    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-01-2016)

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,705
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Thanks but this isn't (as much as I can be objective) really what's at play. I'm far from perfect but my kids are loved equally and we go out of way to spend time with each of them alone. There are different treatments but largely that's because I cannot give a 10 year old the same consequences as a 2 year old. DH and I don't fight. He's not an arguer at all.

    But it's all food for thought. I certainly know when they all drive me nuts I hear myself in their words and it makes me cringe.
    I have no doubt you will have more success than what my parents did - you are much more switched on from an emotional intelligence standpoint.

    I should have clarified my sister and I are only 2 years apart so the different rules (my sister could stay up an hour later to watch her favourite show on TV) nose defiantly caused a rift. Sounds like that isn't an issue for your older kids.

    It's not so much about not being an arguer (although my parents were which was poor role modelling). Not arguing in itself isn't necessarily a good thing either. I wish my parents had given my sister and I specific guidance early on about how to deal with conflict and different views without it leading to an argument or blood nose (but like the strategies fullhouse mentioned).

    My parents will say they loved their kids equally too however their actions showed otherwise. I don't think it's the case with your family however incase someone else in a similar position is reading along just be aware that sometimes parents, although having the best intentions can be blind as to how their children are interpreting their actions. 3 months of perfect parenting can count for zilch if a child feels screwed over on something important to them (eg couldn't go to a birthday party because of something a sibling did).

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (17-01-2016)

  6. #14
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,724
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked
    9,116
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    DD1 has a great diet. Probably the main issue would be that she doesn't eat enough but apart from that she eats healthy food and generally makes good choices. She's also fine with the other kids. Just DD2 seems to wind her up.

    I think it's an issue because they've been on school holidays for nearly 7 weeks and quite frankly have had enough of each other. But that's not good enough and they need to try harder to get along.

    I just need to find a way to help them.
    This is what I was going to suggest. My two generally get along like a house on fire but by this late in the holidays are ready to kill each other. We've been trying to keep them separate as much as possible- play dates, days we split up and take one kid each, one-on-one days with grandparents. I've also enforced 'you must play in separate rooms' as much as possible- doesn't work terribly well though :-/

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FearlessLeader For This Useful Post:

    Mrs Tickle  (25-01-2016),Sonja  (17-01-2016)

  8. #15
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,724
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked
    9,116
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    It could also very be puberty at that age- do you think that's a possibility?

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FearlessLeader For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (17-01-2016),VicPark  (17-01-2016)

  10. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,393
    Thanks
    2,017
    Thanked
    829
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Tickle View Post
    Many people think when you say diet it means that the kid's been eating crap but it doesn't. It means 'what your child is presently eating and drinking'. "Bad" diet doesn't mean eliminating processed foods either. It means an eating and drinking regimen that doesn't suit that particular person.

    In our case, our child was quite physically violent and easily provoked. And it was escalating. Before we engaged in other strategies such as behavioural management and medication etc, we started with the first cab off the rank - food and drink.

    Our first port of call was to get some tests done. Then we reduced sugar intake and this involved examining the day to day consumption. I was amazed at what I found when I really looked. We then eliminated certain foods such as fruit (yep, all fruit), certain vegetables, some herbs and spices and additives to food such as flavours (even when they said "natural").

    We also eliminated dairy and certain meat products.

    We didn't do this all at once and we didn't do it alone. We had the assistance of a medical practitioner.

    As a result of elimination, reintroduction and modification, we were able to pinpoint the foods that said child was sensitive to and we altered his eating and drinking accordingly. His behaviour changed so markedly it was the only strategy we ended up using.

    As a bonus, his asthma is completely and utterly gone.




    PS. I'm not saying that this is "the strategy" but certainly one worth considering.
    @MrsTickle, can I ask what tests you started off with?
    @Sonja, I don't know what the answer is but I've been meaning to read a book by Dr Laura Markham on this issue. I think the book is called 'Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings'.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Albert01 For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (17-01-2016)

  12. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    My oldest two are 10 and nearly 8 and I so hear you!
    Have your big two always fought a lot? I ask this because until last year, mine got on pretty well, played together all the time (I mean they had their squabbles but they're brother and sister so yanno) but last year DD started to outgrow him and their games and it really ticked in off so he'd be in her face ALL the time and she would lose her sh1t at him. Once she understood that him being such a PITA was because he wanted her attention and once he (tried and is still trying to) understand that she's older and needs older girl time alone, we've made some headway.
    I absolutely think that hormones and school holidays make it all that much more intense and we've definitely had many "moments" but allowing DD to have some space and ensuring that DS doesn't bother her at all for the 30mins/hour that she's having helps. Once she's had some time out, she seems for willing to go and play lego or go outside and play with him.
    It's so bloody annoying listening to them fight - drives you nuts!

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to misskittyfantastico For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (17-01-2016)

  14. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    It could also very be puberty at that age- do you think that's a possibility?
    I think it's a massive part.

  15. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Misskitty they did get along but there's 3 and a half years between them so DD1 outgrew her sister a while ago. I actually think DD2 misses her and feels any attention is better than none. So even if that means she gets her anger she's happy (in some weird way).

    And @VicPark I do appreciate your views. I was the youngest of 4 and copped a lot of my mother's frustration and anger and swore I'd be a better parent so your posts remind me to keep going. And I'm sure if you asked my eldest she's tell you she has the hardest of them all.

    Thanks everyone for the input. We just need to get through the next 2 weeks and then I'll have 3/4 at school full time. And I'll also be working more which I'm sure will make me happier (as I have to do reduced hours in school holidays).

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    misskittyfantastico  (17-01-2016),VicPark  (17-01-2016)

  17. #20
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    We just need to get through the next 2 weeks and then I'll have 3/4 at school full time. And I'll also be working more which I'm sure will make me happier (as I have to do reduced hours in school holidays).
    Threats and bribery for them and alcohol for you and your DH?

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to misskittyfantastico For This Useful Post:

    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-01-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Managing sick DS overnight?
    By harvs in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 21-06-2015, 23:36
  2. IVF and older kids/step children?
    By KittyDeFleur in forum IVF
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 16-06-2015, 20:13
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 27-02-2015, 19:16

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Einsteinz Music
Fun & interactive music classes!
Classes are taught by professional musicians! Children are taught the fundamentals of music: beat, pitch, rhythm and tempo through hands-on experience. Click for more details!!!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!