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  1. #1
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    Default Managing angry feelings in older children

    Hi. My eldest girl is almost 10 and a half. She's always been hot tempered and emotional. I tend to be a bit the same (except for the emotional part). Recently it's getting worse and her almost 7 year old sister is copping the brunt of it. DD2 does get up in her face and drive her insane but it feels like her reactions are over the top.

    I'm not sure whether it's just the school holidays or hormones or what. But it's driving DH and me crazy. We're taking the kids away for a few days at the end of the week and TBH I'm beginning to think it's a mistake all I'll be doing is breaking up fights. We have 2 other younger children and they don't seem to cause any fights. Just the oldest 2.

    Can anyone with older kids help me with some strategies to manage anger in kids particularly sibling fighting?

    Thanks

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    Can anyone with older kids help me with some strategies to manage anger in kids particularly sibling fighting?
    Big one for us was diet. When we changed the diet we saw a MASSIVE difference. We also separated the antagonistic kids and gave them time apart from each other. Sometimes living in each other's pockets drives them mad. Husband took two, I took the other two. That had an impact as well. But the diet kinda revolutionised everything.

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    Sonja  (17-01-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Tickle View Post
    Big one for us was diet. When we changed the diet we saw a MASSIVE difference. We also separated the antagonistic kids and gave them time apart from each other. Sometimes living in each other's pockets drives them mad. Husband took two, I took the other two. That had an impact as well. But the diet kinda revolutionised everything.
    Can i asked what you changed in their diet? Subbing as i have same problem.

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    Diet here too! Dd1 is super emotional and irritable if she eats any processed food. Fully home cooked and she is an angel. Also- sounds daft but if she is overtired she is also feral.

    But she is only 5.5yo.

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    KitiK  (17-01-2016)

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    I'm subbing two, DS is 9 and has been a little aggressive lately too. I'm interested in diet as I'm not sure what in his could be a factor.

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    DD1 has a great diet. Probably the main issue would be that she doesn't eat enough but apart from that she eats healthy food and generally makes good choices. She's also fine with the other kids. Just DD2 seems to wind her up.

    I think it's an issue because they've been on school holidays for nearly 7 weeks and quite frankly have had enough of each other. But that's not good enough and they need to try harder to get along.

    I just need to find a way to help them.

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    FearlessLeader  (17-01-2016)

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    Default Managing angry feelings in older children

    I don't have older kids but was literally at a lunch today with friends of my sisters and one was a psychologist who was saying her daughter 11, ( who was playing with my niece and they both were in extra b$tch mode today ) has been acting up because of the lack of routine ( school) and boredom as they have been home most of the week as they just got back from holidays , even I've notice my usually chilled DS (5) is unusually moody and she said probably because his routine has also stopped ( no pre school or extra curricular activities) as we are waiting for big school to start in 2 weeks

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    I don't have older kids, but work with kids who've been removed from their families. They often have some serious difficulties managing their emotions. My top thoughts would be:
    1. stay calm
    2. be an observer/commentator. avoid taking sidesor placing blame. make observations like "DD1, i can see you're feeling very angry about X" "DD2, you want to playX and DD doesn't want to". Sometimes just being understood helps. Sometimes an "I wonder what we could do so that you both get what you want"
    3. step in if it's violent. calmly "I will not let you hit your sister". repeat, as needed, calmly.
    4. introduce some angermanagement strategies that couuld help in the heat f the moment - ways to calm down.
    5. make sure that any ongoing issuesare addressed when everyone's calm and has time to talk. let them figure out solutions together.

    will come back andgo over thiks when i have two free hand and am not trying to feeda wriggly bub :P

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    Sonja  (17-01-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post

    I just need to find a way to help them.
    I made my two fighters sit down and write down 10 things they liked about each other. They could write more, but they had to write down at least 10.

    Then, I made a rule...that there were no play dates if they couldn't get along. It was a three strikes you're out kind of deal, the next playdate (no matter when it was) was cancelled. It worked really well. They wanted to see their friends, but could only do it if they could be nice to each other first.

    We also talked about how to handle emotions, treating siblings like you would teach a friend (so if it was a friend annoying you how would you deal with it?), listening to when the other person has had enough and stopping when asked (mainly for my tormentor, who loves riling the others up to try and get them in trouble), and respecting that sometimes people just need to be alone.

    It made vast improvements when I did it...I probably need to look at re-visiting it, but it definitely worked.

    Otherwise, I fought terribly with my brother. We just did not get along while we lived under the one roof, but we're really close as adults. My poor parents must have gone nuts dealing with us, though!

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    Default Managing angry feelings in older children

    I don't have older kids however I have an older sibling. When were that age we fought like cats and dogs. With hindsight it really didn't have that much to do with my sister or I. It was more about our parents:
    - had favourite children (led to resentment)
    - had different rules for different kids
    - did not role model appropriate behavior when it came to solving conflict or keeping tempers in check)
    - had issues of their own

    Not saying any of these factors are influencing your children. Hope this helps.
    Last edited by VicPark; 17-01-2016 at 18:41.


 

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