+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    5,747
    Thanks
    3,825
    Thanked
    3,655
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default DS suddenly clingy and whingy - possibly linked to impending sibling arrival?

    I have a 4.5 yr old DS and am currently 34 wks pregnant with #2. DS has been very excited about becoming a big brother, talks to my belly regularly, loves his 'becoming a big brother' story books etc that relatives have given us.

    Background - He's always been a happy kid, sleeps really well in his own bed, both DH and I are working parents and he loves his kindy and going to his grandparents and has no problem spending a night away from us (he even packs his own bag in anticipation of a sleepover!). DH works away a bit but always FaceTime/calls every night and is usually only a way for a few nights at a time.

    Over Christmas I noticed DS becoming suddenly very clingy to me, wanting me to do everything with him even stay with him whilst he is on the toilet etc (has been going on his own for over a year now). He's also been super emotional, cries at the drop of a hat, and has started having 'bad dreams'. He told me rather articulately that he dreamt daddy forgot to do up his seatbelt and drive off and he fell out of the car!! Extremely detailed description and rather disturbing that he's having such vivid dreams at 4?!

    I'm worried he is anxious about being left out with the new sibling arriving soon (even though he hasn't said that to us) and thus might be causing his behaviour change. He's still otherwise happy but there's definitely something going on, and when I try to ask what's wrong he says he doesn't want to say.

    Has anyone had similar experiences with siblings arriving etc, is there anything I can do? I have tried spending more quality time with him etc but worried I am making it worse?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Sunshine Coast
    Posts
    2,963
    Thanks
    2,383
    Thanked
    2,071
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    DD1 was pretty much a clingy toddler, hated me picking up other babies, when DD2 was born, my DD1 was quite a lot younger than your son, she was 2 and 2 months, but when she was brought to the hospital to see me and DD2, she wouldn't come near me. It broke my heart. What I did though, was include her in everything, gave her presents from the baby (like big sister presents I guess) and just make more of a fuss of her.

    I felt guilty that I had turned her little world upside down, but they do adapt. My girls are now 8 and 11 and are the best of mates (though they dare not admit it). All I can suggest is include your little man in as much as possible, and just reassure him that everything is going to be fine. His world is going to be very different soon.

    When this baby arrives, I want my girls to be the first ones to meet her before anyone else, except for DP's mum who is watching the kids. He will adapt, give him little jobs maybe, like getting nappies for you.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 17-01-2016 at 11:30.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Marchbundle For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-01-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    3,947
    Thanks
    692
    Thanked
    2,297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have not come throught the other side of this and my DS is not quite 3 but a lot of what you are saying is happening here. He has always been jealous of me talking to his childcare friends. But right now he is so much clingier, emotional (although he is 2 so I get that provably has a lot to do with it) but is so excited about the new baby and being a big brother.

    So no advice as I have no idea what to do except hug him, involve him as much as I can and hope it will pass.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-01-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    241
    Thanked
    133
    Reviews
    0
    We are going through this now. Ds1 is 2.5, ds2 is nearly 4 months.
    Ds1 is very emotional. He always loved daycare but gets upset when i drop him off. He's fine once I'm gone though.
    Ds1 recently decided he cannot sleep in his own room, he can only sleep with us. Not sure if it's because of ds2 being in our room or if he's spooked. It started 2 weeks ago when he did get spooked by a possum fight right outside his window. But now there are nights when he'll go into his room on his own and sleep there. Most times he will only sleep next to me. He's also not sleeping great at night so hes tired quicker in the day and that also makes him emotional and sensitive. He's also super clingy, gets jealous when i have the baby too. At first i was fighting to try to get him to stay in his room but he just seemed so scared and upset so i let him stay with us. Unfortunately it seems he's gotten used to it. I'm hoping once we move ds2 into his room next month ds1 will go back to his own room.
    I'm not going to push the issue with him, i want him to feel safe and loved and included. I just hope he's back in his own room before i start back at work in 5 weeks 😯

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to meandmyboys82 For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-01-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    930
    Thanks
    216
    Thanked
    297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My DD1 (turned 4 about 7 weeks prior to DD2 arriving) got really clingy & a bit emotional the closer we got to bub arriving. She would constantly tell us that she loved us & asked us if we loved her. Wanted someone to play with her all the time, started to wake & come into our room in the middle of the night. Told us that she had nightmares (some fairly detailed).
    We have been reassuring her etc & explaining about what was happening all the way through.
    One thing that has been really good is having a book that is about a new baby arriving. DD1 will now go through the book & identifies with what happens in it, e.g. Grandma came to look after her, dad took mum to hospital, baby arrives, mum&dad more tired/busy & can't always play but that baby is fun too & although you might have to wait a bit, you still get cuddles/stories etc.

    In retrospect we should have talked to DD1 more about what would happen when baby arrived. She was very upset that I had to stay in hospital overnight with DD2.

    Things have settled down alot now (DD2 is 9wks old) & DD1 loves her little sister. Still gets easily frustrated about things & is a bit jealous about all the attention DD2 needs but is improving

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Izzys Dragon For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-01-2016)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,836
    Thanks
    5,052
    Thanked
    4,437
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week
    Sounds exactly like what my almost 4 DD is going through, but my youngest is 16 months.

    Unsure if it's sibling related or age related, nor how to overcome it but wanted to offer you sympathy and hugs.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to A-Squared For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-01-2016)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    5,747
    Thanks
    3,825
    Thanked
    3,655
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Thanks ladies it does sound normal and I did expect some reaction but probably not just yet, the dreams had me freaked out a bit.

    We've got a couple of baby arrival/big brother story books and I am trying to include him as much as possible in getting things ready so he feels part of it. I feel like I've spent way more time with him lately (and he got super super spoilt this xmas, probably because we knew it would be his last one as an only child). I just feel like I can't make him happy, no matter how much time I spend with him it's not enough.

  13. #8
    hakuna matata's Avatar
    hakuna matata is offline The artist formerly know as babyhopeful
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    5,380
    Thanks
    789
    Thanked
    2,428
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    DS hasn't been whingy or out of the ordinary, but he is suddenly very much a mummy's boy and if we are on the couch or something he has to be RIGHT on top of me!

  14. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    803
    Thanks
    76
    Thanked
    719
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My advice it to try to keep as much unchanged day to day as you can. My son was much younger then yours when my second was born so we couldn't have the same verbal communication that you can but I think that my son was most stressed by all the little day to day changes more then the new sibling thing. Having mummy off work, stopping our normal play dates (too exhausting), relaxing some rules/boundaries because I was exhausted and feeling guilty about all the changes. Then when bub was born, having daddy off work, heaps of visitors, different food (not cooked by me).... The list goes on. I think all this stuff really caused my son to feel unsettled and not so much the jealousy or upset about a new sibling.
    Good luck. It will settle down in time. X

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to RedCreamingSoda For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (18-01-2016)

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    409
    Thanks
    241
    Thanked
    133
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    My advice it to try to keep as much unchanged day to day as you can. My son was much younger then yours when my second was born so we couldn't have the same verbal communication that you can but I think that my son was most stressed by all the little day to day changes more then the new sibling thing. Having mummy off work, stopping our normal play dates (too exhausting), relaxing some rules/boundaries because I was exhausted and feeling guilty about all the changes. Then when bub was born, having daddy off work, heaps of visitors, different food (not cooked by me).... The list goes on. I think all this stuff really caused my son to feel unsettled and not so much the jealousy or upset about a new sibling.
    Good luck. It will settle down in time. X
    Wow it didn't really occur to me that ds1 is disrupted because I'm home when his dad brings him home from daycare. I'm usually at work. We have also relaxed the routine as i don't have to drop him off at daycare as early right now. So he's been sleeping later in the morning some days but also going to sleep later and later. We can say bedtime and do the usual routine but he just doesn't stop like he used to. I know he got worse when we took the cot away. Now he just goes in and out of his room as he pleases. If we try to force him to stay in his room he has a meltdown and jyst doesn't give in. It's a constant battle. I ha e 5 weeks before i go back to work. I'm really hoping once we put ds2 in his own room, ds1 will quit wanting to be in our room also. I've been so tempted to put the cot back in his room but it's too small for him.


 

Similar Threads

  1. 8yo quite negative & whingy
    By ICanDream in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 10-07-2015, 22:31
  2. A sibling gift for our son, can you help?
    By Bongley in forum Egg Donor Needed
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 17-03-2015, 11:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Nice Pak Products
Australian Made and Owned. The Baby U Goat Milk Skincare range is enriched with soothing goats milk sourced from country, Victoria. Goat's milk has a pH level close to that of our own skin and contains natural sources of amino acids and vitamins.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!