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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Generally with the health nurses (can only speak from experience in Vic) they are only responsible for setting up the initial groups- once the 12 weeks or whatever are up, the groups can then choose to go it alone or become a playgroup, in which case they fall under playgroups not Maternal Child Health. OP, find out if there is a playgroup officer in your local council and they may be able to help you.
    In my area there was such a wait list that some bubs were 4-5 months by the time their mums joined a mums group. Thought there might be some flexibility for the OP there

  2. #32
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    Oh dear, I was a defence spouse a long time ago. I found defence playgroups painful and mums were a lot more clickier. I don't have any girlfriends where I live, and I have gotten to the point where I can't be bothered. Have been at our new location for about 3 or 4 months, and haven't really made friends with anyone. One mum asked me for my number and I gave it to her, but haven't done anything about it. I have moved that many times as a kid then as an adult, it gets exhausting making friends. I have girlfriends on facebook who live distances away, and I have chats with them online occasionally, but outside my kids and my DP, I am not overly concerned...I am expecting my 3rd bub, my DP's first so when this baby is born, I might get out and go to a playgroup or something...Good luck on finding some friends.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I agree a lot of Perth is like that we deliberately chose a suburb close to the beach so we can make that connection to water and sea and forget about the rest of the city. I feel twitchy going more than 1km inland.

    But you find your niche. There are good places and people in every city. Sometimes you just have to dig deeper.
    I haven't noticed Perth being cliquey at all- although maybe that's to do with where we live (also a coastal burb) and the fact that most of the people we come into contact with are also originally from elsewhere.

    Hmmm... now that I think about it, most of our friends over the last 15 years have come and gone, and we're the odd exception staying put here.
    Last edited by Gentoo; 15-01-2016 at 22:04.

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  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I find it generally harder to make friends as we all get older. people become more and more enmeshed in their own lives, jobs, kids etc. and once people have found a comfy group of friends, it becomes harder and harder to break into that.

    God it was all so easy back in the old days. everyone was single, unattached and had not a care in the world.

    I know I should make more effort to make friends but I haven't the time or energy. I guess it must not be that much of a priority for me or else I would.
    I was 24 when I moved to Australia ☺️. Many expats feel Australia is pretty hard in terms of feeling at home and making proper fulfilling friendships. People are very friendly but it's takes quite a while to make friendships where people actually call to catch up with you one on one rather than just being invited along to group catch ups where you kind of remain an 'acquaintance.'

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (16-01-2016)

  7. #35
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    Default How do you cope with loneliness??

    Quote Originally Posted by crabby View Post
    Moved to Sydney nearly 3 years ago and been the same cliquey you describe - have done many moves before and it's not been like here - actually had one person say to me that because we had only just arrived and there may be a chance we wouldn't stay, wasn't much point people being friendly or investing time in getting to know us .... I just thought wow .....agree is harder as get older as well though.....

    To the op - I hope you do find what you are looking for - and you sound lovely to get to know!
    Melbourne was horrible as well, everyone has been friends since high school/college or uni and it's so hard to fit into groups like that. There's so much emphasis on where you went to school and what not. London has been much easier to make friends as everyone is kind of in the same boat, expats away from family, etc. or even if they're English they aren't actually from London so you're not dealing with lifelong cliques of friends.

    Eta: I also had some of dh's uni friends say something similar to me when I mentioned to them a few years ago (we'd been together probably 7 years by then) how hard it was to break into their group of friends. 'Well we didn't think you'd be around long so didn't see the point of becoming friend.' Nice logic, we're married now, 13 years together and I'm still not that close with that group of friends because it was so hard in the beginning to fit in I kinda gave up on them.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 15-01-2016 at 22:16.

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  9. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    ACT mach had denied me a mother's group as I have older kids.

    Yes I plan to keep going to sessions. So far I've got 3X playgroups, 2X library sessions, an ABA meet up, a sewing circle and a book club in my diary to start in Feb.
    With that schedule I think it sounds like you'll be finding your groove in no time!

    I often see moms on my local FB group that have/are having their second or third child asking if there are any other moms in the same boat that want to start up a regular coffee/playdate group since most community groups are aimed at first time moms. Could you try that?

    Also, do I remember correctly that you normally go to church? Have you found one in Canberra yet? That would help with networking, volunteering at their playgroups, etc.

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  11. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Melbourne was horrible as well, everyone has been friends since high school/college or uni and it's so hard to fit into groups like that. There's so much emphasis on where you went to school and what not. London has been much easier to make friends as everyone is kind of in the same boat, expats away from family, etc. or even if they're English they aren't actually from London so you're not dealing with lifelong cliques of friends.
    I was told that before we moved to Melbourne but didn't have a problem at all finding my groove and my group. We were there for 8 years and made the most amazing life long friends.

    I think a big difference in Australia is that it's not the norm to move away to go to uni like it is in so many other countries. I imagine that it creates a huge mental shift across the psyche of a country when a lot of its population move when they finish school. That just isn't the norm here.

    I've found people here either seem to never move or move constantly. Both can make it hard to make friends.

  12. #38
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    Default How do you cope with loneliness??

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post

    I think a big difference in Australia is that it's not the norm to move away to go to uni like it is in so many other countries. I imagine that it creates a huge mental shift across the psyche of a country when a lot of its population move when they finish school. That just isn't the norm here.
    .
    This is exactly why I've always thought it was how it was, it's not like in the states where as soon as we graduate high school many of us move fairly far away or interstate for uni which probably changes our attitude a bit more about making friends. Added to that that many cities around the world probably have more of a transient (people not from there, living temporarily, expats, etc) population than a lot of Australia so it makes for a lot more people looking for friends or knowing what it's like to need to look for friends.

    Eta: don't get me wrong, I now love Melbourne and by the time we left I felt I had a great group of friends but I kinda hated my first two years there, it took a while to feel like I could be happy living there forever.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 15-01-2016 at 23:06.

  13. #39
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    I definitely think Australia's physical isolation doesn't help. It's a destination not somewhere you stop on the way to somewhere else. Perth is one of the most (if not the most) isolated capital cities in the world. I forgive a lot of its faults once all that is factored in.

  14. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I definitely think Australia's physical isolation doesn't help. It's a destination not somewhere you stop on the way to somewhere else. Perth is one of the most (if not the most) isolated capital cities in the world. I forgive a lot of its faults once all that is factored in.
    Definitely. But don't you think it's interesting that it's still that way when so many Australians will live overseas for a couple years using their commonwealth visas? So therefore enduring the experience of having to be in a new place and make friends. That said, our first time living in London when DH was using his two year visa post uni I don't think he hung out with any non-Australians, all of his/our friends were either people he knew or friends of friends so although he was in a different country he didn't really have to leave his comfort zone. It is kind of the same this time around, when DH gets the time to catch up for drink with somebody it is somebody we already knew from Australia, granted he has no time on his hands currently, between long work hours and having a family, to meet new people so I understand it a bit more this time around.


 
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