+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 43
  1. #21
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    159
    Thanks
    213
    Thanked
    102
    Reviews
    2
    Given your update I'd go the blunt route. "RudeLady, you have said things that make it impossible to maintain a friendship with you. Please don't contact me again."

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to rusty22 For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (14-01-2016)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    9,869
    Thanks
    3,034
    Thanked
    5,843
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    I think the only reason I'm resisting telling her the truth is out of concern for DH, I know that although he doesn't want to be friends with them, it would stress him out so much if he then had to have a confrontation with her DH. Arrrggg sigh.
    What sort of confrontation would you anticipate from her DH to yours? Not fisty cuffs I hope?!

    She has bought this on herself with her rude and hurtful remarks. This will be a good life lesson to her if you can be upfront about why you don't want to see her again.

    I think @Californication posted a great response. If you're concerned about being too confrontational about it, you could water it down slightly.

    You'll feel much better once you make it final. Just press send and block their numbers.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    Californication  (14-01-2016)

  5. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    21,645
    Thanks
    15,089
    Thanked
    11,253
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 5/2/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 31/10/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 24/10/14Busiest Member of the Week
    I would get dh to send a text stating that since she said what she did last you were together. That as a couple you have decided that her rudeness towards you and the disrespect to towards him, you will no longer met up.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LoveLivesHere For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (14-01-2016),SuperGranny  (14-01-2016)

  7. #24
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,770
    Thanks
    7,983
    Thanked
    4,118
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    😱😱😱 after all that, next time she messages, I'd simply reply "We were hoping to avoid this confrontation, but as you won't take the hint, we need to let you know that we no longer enjoy socialising with you. You have made several hurtful and insensitive remarks over the past xx months, and we just don't want to be in the situation of having to hear your thoughtless remarks any longer. Please do not text us again. We are simply no longer interested in maintaining this friendship"
    This!
    Although I think better being sent from your DH since she probably won't accept it coming from you.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TheGooch For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (14-01-2016),Wise Enough  (14-01-2016)

  9. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,839
    Thanks
    6,199
    Thanked
    16,883
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I have been in a similar type friendship I wanted to end for different reasons but I had to do exactly what californication said. I messaged her outlining the reasons I no longer wished to continue the friendship and the behaviour I could no longer endure. I never heard from her again Mind you she ran around to everyone whining I was a b*tch and so mean to her but previous to this she just refused to get the message so I was left with no choice. It also meant I didn't need to have a direct confrontation with her.

    But if I were you I would get your DH to send the text. Not only is she originally his friend, but if it comes from you she'll just tell that group how you've cut your DH off from his friends, you control him blah blah.

  10. #26
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    520
    Thanked
    713
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I can see what you mean about maturity... Wow...

  11. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,707
    Thanks
    2,381
    Thanked
    1,875
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    What sort of confrontation would you anticipate from her DH to yours? Not fisty cuffs I hope?!

    She has bought this on herself with her rude and hurtful remarks. This will be a good life lesson to her if you can be upfront about why you don't want to see her again.

    I think @Californication posted a great response. If you're concerned about being too confrontational about it, you could water it down slightly.

    You'll feel much better once you make it final. Just press send and block their numbers.

    No, hopefully not fisty cuffs just that I know DH really hates confrontation and there's every chance her DH will call him and get into it with him. Her DH hasn't technially done anything horrible (although he's a crappy husband to her, which is why my DH started backing way from him in the first place) so DH will basically be having to tell him his wife ruined their friendship. My DH is such a gentle person, I know something like that would stress him to the max.
    Thanks, I couldn't see Californication's post until now for some reason! It is a great response. Once I really started writing out the types of things she has said last night, I started to realise just how rude she has been!


    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I have been in a similar type friendship I wanted to end for different reasons but I had to do exactly what californication said. I messaged her outlining the reasons I no longer wished to continue the friendship and the behaviour I could no longer endure. I never heard from her again Mind you she ran around to everyone whining I was a b*tch and so mean to her but previous to this she just refused to get the message so I was left with no choice. It also meant I didn't need to have a direct confrontation with her.

    But if I were you I would get your DH to send the text. Not only is she originally his friend, but if it comes from you she'll just tell that group how you've cut your DH off from his friends, you control him blah blah.

    I know what you mean, I'm sure she will tell the group that. Her DH is already one of those people who refers to anyone who doesn't choose to go out drinking with his mates over being with his wife, or doesn't feel comfortable watching strippers etc "pussy-whipped". They've actually themselves written off not only friends, but family over them being "pussy-whipped" (maybe that's a good sign, it might mean they'll write us off quickly once I tell her we don't want to be friends!). The only problem is, I don't think DH will be able to be the one to send them a message. He almost has a heartattack just sending his boss a message telling them he's not going to be doing something, or coming in. I've almost got to dictate what he should write word for word. I know he should take it as a learning opportunity, but I still feel like she's specifically been rude to me, it's probably my job to respond direct to her. I think she'll bi!ch about me no matter what - if I send the message, I'll be taking him away from his friends, If he sends the message I'll be too gutless to talk to her myself and he'll just be 'pussy-whipped'.


    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    I can see what you mean about maturity... Wow...

    I know, right?

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    Californication  (14-01-2016),Summer  (14-01-2016)

  13. #28
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,705
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Hey OP. I will preface what I'm about to say by saying that I don't think I would get along with your 'friend' and I probably would have been very blunt and told her what I thought by now.

    That being said I can't help but feel there may be some sensitivity and inappropriate expectations on both sides.

    For example, I think it is unfair and unrealistic to expect a pregnant woman to tailor the delivery of her pregnancy announcement to individual desires. If someone feels they can only hear about a friends pregnancy through a text message to me that suggests that person needs help with something. If my friends had put in similar requests to me ... unless they were a super BFF I would probably feel like backing away from them - I just don't have the energy for high maintenance friendships.

    How old is the female friend? How long have you been with your DH? If it has been a long time (5-10 years etc) then I would suggest it's time to let the angst over how you got together go. People can be immature turds when they are younger - I know there were some times when I treated people in a way I am not proud of. To some extent you have to give people the opportunity to redeem themselves. Additionally - it's not all on the other female - if your hubby farted around deciding whether to be with you or not then that's also on him. If you haven't been together that long I would be looking for signs your DH is supportive of you. Managing the situation with his friends (they knew him first) so you wouldn't have to would be one thing I think he could do for you.

    Some ideas - food for thought for you. Best of luck.

  14. #29
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,707
    Thanks
    2,381
    Thanked
    1,875
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hey OP. I will preface what I'm about to say by saying that I don't think I would get along with your 'friend' and I probably would have been very blunt and told her what I thought by now.

    That being said I can't help but feel there may be some sensitivity and inappropriate expectations on both sides.

    For example, I think it is unfair and unrealistic to expect a pregnant woman to tailor the delivery of her pregnancy announcement to individual desires. If someone feels they can only hear about a friends pregnancy through a text message to me that suggests that person needs help with something. If my friends had put in similar requests to me ... unless they were a super BFF I would probably feel like backing away from them - I just don't have the energy for high maintenance friendships.

    How old is the female friend? How long have you been with your DH? If it has been a long time (5-10 years etc) then I would suggest it's time to let the angst over how you got together go. People can be immature turds when they are younger - I know there were some times when I treated people in a way I am not proud of. To some extent you have to give people the opportunity to redeem themselves. Additionally - it's not all on the other female - if your hubby farted around deciding whether to be with you or not then that's also on him. If you haven't been together that long I would be looking for signs your DH is supportive of you. Managing the situation with his friends (they knew him first) so you wouldn't have to would be one thing I think he could do for you.

    Some ideas - food for thought for you. Best of luck.
    Thanks VicPark. The managing of pregnancy announcement situation was basically her telling me that's what she would want because she's struggling with TTC and me saying that's what I would prefer too (for me, I know that I can't hind my true emotion on my face, so although I might be happy for the person announcing, when we're dealing with infertility I know every announcement breaks my heart a little, and that will show on my face when I'm trying to congratulate them. If I receive a text I can have a private sad moment but send them a lovely heartfelt congratulations at the same time. I assume that's why she said she'd prefer it that way.) I would never ask someone out of the blue to do that for me, but seeing as though she bought it up and requested that of me.....then didn't want to extend me the same courtesy... I would have no problem doing that for someone if they told me that's how they were feeling and I knew about their struggles. However, I guess in this situation, it was more the fact that this particular girl is known for disregarding other people's feelings while expecting others to fall all over themselves respecting hers. It was just another example of her selfishness to me.

    She is 26, 10 years younger than me. I've been with my DH for 5 years. I understand what you're saying about putting it behind me, and it was absolutely on him too, but in all honesty, it still hurts. He was living with her and her DH at the time and I know she had a lot of influence over what was going on. I also did some nasty things when I was younger, but that doesn't mean I expect people to forgive me for them just because I was young and immature. What she said and did to me was unacceptable and specifically designed to hurt me through something she knows I'm insecure about.

    DH is exceedingly supportive of me and he would do that for me if I asked, but i actually feel like it's almost like asking him to fight my battles for me. If he had an issue with my brother for instance, I'd tell him to sort it out himself, I wouldn't run interference for him because it was my family. He's already shown me support by saying he's happy to step away from an entire group of his friends because he's not going to put up with someone treating his wife that way.

    If I was interested in holding on to her friendship, I would make an effort to let it all go, but in all honesty I don't particularly like her. She's a nasty piece of work to almost everyone she knows and she's been disrespectful to me from the get go. I've only made an effort up until now so DH wouldn't lose the group of friends.

  15. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think you just need to let go of the fact that there won't be any form of negativity after you send the text. There obviously will be. But neither of you want to be friends with her so end it. She will ***** about you . But she does already. The great thing is you won't be around to hear it! I think if it bothers you that much do some honest communication tell her how you feel.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (14-01-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. friendship
    By Mummy83 in forum Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 27-06-2015, 10:08
  2. looking for friendship
    By Mummy83 in forum Introductions
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-05-2015, 09:24
  3. looking for friendship
    By Mummy83 in forum Introductions
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 22-01-2015, 21:31

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pyjamas.com.au
With so many gorgeous brands and styles for every season, our pyjamas, nighties, robes, sleepsuits and sleeping bags are lovely for lights out and perfect for lazy days. Get 10% off first order using code bubhub. Be quick offer ends 31/12/16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Swim Australia
Swim Australia are the leading learn-to-swim experts, and national swim school authority. With over 600 Registered Swim Schools located across the country, through our aquatic education, we aim to build a Safer, Smarter, Stronger nation of swimmers.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!