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  1. #11
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    I don't think it's really fair to say "you have 3 kids... stop wanting another one". There's no real quantifying of that baby craziness. That aside, if you're managing your children well and you can afford another, what is it exactly your hubby is worried about? If you can isolate his real issues, talk them over, then try to solve the problems together maybe that could help?

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to BornToBe For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (19-01-2016),Kimmmm  (21-01-2016),LeonieJane  (19-01-2016),sajimum  (19-01-2016),Tinkers  (19-01-2016)

  3. #12
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barnaby View Post
    If you get pregnant now he can't blame you. He's being just as careless as you and I can only assume he knows how babies are made..?!
    This is all well and good in theory. I can tell you from experience that things don't always play out that way.

    OP, I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I went through. If he says he doesn't want more, he means it. Take him seriously and respect him, at least while you are discussing it further.

    Having said that, he needs to take responsibility for contraception.

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    BlondeinBrisvegas  (19-01-2016)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsLadyBugg View Post
    Hi hun, please dont take this the wrong way, and i mean no offence by it.

    However if you arent using protection and it takes 2 tango, why arent you on contraception or forcing him to use contraception if he so clearly doesn't want a 4th child?

    Relationships can quickly turn sour when one party wants another and the other doesn't, but in the meantime nothing is done to prevent.

    I think if you desperately want a 4th child then a serious conversation with your OH needs to take place so that you both know where you stand.
    unfortunately the pill and implant cause major problems for me... I have told him he needs to wear a condom but his response is I'm married so I shouldn't have to wear one! I agree a serious talk is in order!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    I don't think it's really fair to say "you have 3 kids... stop wanting another one". There's no real quantifying of that baby craziness. That aside, if you're managing your children well and you can afford another, what is it exactly your hubby is worried about? If you can isolate his real issues, talk them over, then try to solve the problems together maybe that could help?
    Thank-you I know people think I'm crazy for wanting a 4th... I think my hubby's problem is his age... He is turning 40 this year... It is something we need to have a serious talk about no joking around about it just honest serious talking

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    Quote Originally Posted by LeonieJane View Post
    unfortunately the pill and implant cause major problems for me... I have told him he needs to wear a condom but his response is I'm married so I shouldn't have to wear one! I agree a serious talk is in order!
    That's an extraordinary attitude. I'm just flabbergasted. Is he willing to get the snip?

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    Quote Originally Posted by LeonieJane View Post
    Thank-you I know people think I'm crazy for wanting a 4th... I think my hubby's problem is his age... He is turning 40 this year... It is something we need to have a serious talk about no joking around about it just honest serious talking
    See I don't think you are crazy at all. I have 3 and had a few things been different, including our age and how badly my pgs and births go among others we would have had a 4th.

    If it makes you feel better, DH was 44 when DS2 was born and is a wonderful, involved father. In the scheme of things 40 isn't that old, although if he did agree to a 4th I'd be getting a wriggle on

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    I'm glad you guys are as confused as I am lol

  10. #18
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I think this is just such a hard situation for you both to be in. I don't know about you guys but my hubby and I care how each other feels so having such opposing desires for our futures would be so hard to work through. I think like you have said, a serious talk is needed for you and hubby. have you considered enlisting the help of a couple counsellor if you have trouble making this convo work on your own? It might be worth looking in to if your desires are both so strong and you both want to work through the problem together rather than letting it sit and fester into something bigger...

  11. #19
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    I actually started a post about this exact thing a few months ago and got some really good advice. I will try and find it and bump it for you to read. Unfortunately it hasn't been a great outcome for me, hubby is booked in for the snip in March. We went to counseling and have spoken about it in great lengths but nothing has change his mind. He is done having kids but for me, my family still doesn't feel complete. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely cherish my 2 children but there is just that little part of me that isn't done having kids. It's such a ****ty situation to be in as you can't both get what you want, someone has to 'lose' so to speak. I'm still upset by it and have little cries about it but unfortunately for me there isn't anything I can do to change his mind. It hurts and it will probably take time to 'get' over but I'm sure in time it will be easier to deal with. Huge hugs from someone who knows exactly how you feel!

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    We have two and I want more ( he did to but just stressing with finances at the moment with me on maternity leave). I've told him if he really doesn't want more then to get the snip simple as that


 

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