Ok so after being a hermit with my emotions lately, I've found that I'm constantly on the go doing housework or going for a drive etc to keep my mind occupied. For I find when I stop, my mind wanders to places I sometimes forget about..
I'm a mother of two girls. One whom is 4 turning 5 this year, and the other whom is 9 months.. my eldest is to my ex partner, youngest to current.
I'm finding myself a little emotional lately after watching silly tv dramas relating to broken families, custody battles etc.
My eldest lives majority with her dad, as back yonder (we weren't together) but I was working & her father offered to have her a few extra days to avoid myself having to pay for childcare.
Nice, yes? Maybe not.
When I stopped working I let him know and said I would like to go back to the original care arrangement, and I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this. That never happened.
I came out of an abusive relationship with him & for fear that I've never dealth with, I just sat back on the sidelines.
So that's a little look into my story..
As I mentioned, she is 4. Turning 5. Due to stsrt school in a few weeks. Now, I have triedto participate and be involved with everything she does etc. But he is very difficultt o communicate with and likes to play mind games.
Anywho. I asked him say 2 months ago if I could take her to get her school stuff when he got the list. Yes, he agreed. Not. He went and did it himself and allegedly "forgot"
But I think I'm getting a little off track..
I initally came to vent to some mummies that might be in the same boat or have felt like myself.
Some days I just feel like I'm just a mum. I love my girls to death. I would give up my everything to make them happy. I just fwel guilty for wanting some me time now and then. Some adults to interact with. Partner is always at work long days. 5 days a week which is great, and he is doing everything he can to ensure we don't go without even though he is exhausted and over his job at the moment.
As previously mentioned, my littlest is 9 months. And I feel that going back to work would do me the world of good. I just don't know what to do. I went back to work with my eldest when she was 8 months, due to stresses at home, mentally with the ex and financially. To help out.
But now I feel alone. I feel like my contribution isn't as highly regarded as it would be if I was working and helping pay bills etc.
I'll leave this here for now, littlest is up for her bottle.
Sorry about the novel, but thank you if you managed to get through it