It's a BFN for us.
I am so devastated it's beyond words.
I don't know how you amazing ladies do it again and again. It is so hard, and emotionally draining.
Not to talk of financially. The time, the money, the pain,! The hopes, the disappointments.
I am heartbroken!!!!
we have exhausted all our savings, we are in debt.
How do we begin again?
So sorry mummy2016. Seems like the ladies here and you will find strength and determination to go back until it works. Grieve for as long as you need, read as much as you can here on these threads for inspiration as well. Good luck hun
I'm so very sorry @mummy2016. I can understand your devastation. It's such a tough and exhausting path to walk to end up with a negative result. Massive hugs and take care of each other, . (And eat lots of chocolate and/or wine!!)
Thanks Lolly99 and Tahli.
Its hard, but I know I will be fine, once I am done crying, will have to come up with a plan on the next course of action.
Its so hard to find a black egg donor here in Canada, so may have to go back to SA.
Question is, do you go with a young or proven donor?
Can the Dr choose someone for you? is the fees the same or slightly cheaper second time around?
so many questions?
But first let me just bury my head in the sand and cry.......
@ECM1981 You don't need to be a good runner...it's a marathon not a sprint, well it is for us anyway! Absolutely, you show them, hun. You wait to see the look on their faces when you tell them you're 12wks pregnant!! And just imagine how phenomenal your baby shower will be!!! Full credit for having the emotional strength to organize a friends baby shower. Most of us would struggle just to attend.
Thanks for your kind words. Tbh, I'm exhausted (but happy to be off all meds). AF is due in 2 days so I'm guessing that will bring with it an emotional crash. I'm putting one foot in front of the other until Good Friday, then I can collapse in a heap!! For now, I'm soldiering on with planning the next step. I need to know where I'm going to be able to keep my chin up. Onwards and upwards!!
@mummy2016 Are you looking at doing a completely fresh donor cycle at CFC with a young proven donor? I'm not sure if the Dr can choose some-one for you...would you not like to choose your own donor? If you don't want to choose yourself you could ask your Dr's nurse to make a recommendation of a young black donor who is wonderfully proven. I think the fees would be the same the second time. I'll let you know as I'm waiting for the new fees schedule. Big hugs, xx.
I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - By: Author Unknown
There are women who become mothers without effort,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
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