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  1. #141
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    Ladies hope you don't mind the question - but do any of you have older biological child/children and a baby born/or are pregnant now with the help of donor eggs - and can reflect on at what stage you told your older child about using donor eggs to conceive? I'm unsure of how and when to tell DS11 who I had naturally age 30 (now almost 42) about how his potential future brother or sister will be created with some help. He knows all about me and his stepdad doing ivf to have a baby together and our struggles and has in the past been excited for us but now he's a bit 'over it' and says mum I don't think it's going to work. He watched a doco with me on the Aussie lady giving away her remaining double donor embryos and said 'wow thats a bit extreme '. I know he will adore his future sibling (he's very lovely with small children and babies and craves his own) but I'm worried also that he will feel that the baby won't be 'really his' sibling. He doesn't know we we planning a donor cycle in April with a known donor and I just can't get my head around telling him. Anyone have any advice?

  2. #142
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    Hi all,

    I am very early in my journey down the egg donation path. There is so much information out there - it is overwhelming. It seems that SA seems to be a very popular destination for Australians. For those of you who considered other countries and needed up choosing SA, I am interested in why you made this choice?

    I was also wondering if anyone has used PGD in SA, approx costs and success rates.

    i have been with IVF Melbourne - feels like a business not a medical facility or it could just be my FS. Any thoughts re a Melbourne based FS who could liaise with clinic in SA.

    You our all seem so supportive of each other - hope my future posts will be shorter once I learn the IVF language.

    X Anne 257

  3. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne257 View Post
    Hi all,

    I am very early in my journey down the egg donation path. There is so much information out there - it is overwhelming. It seems that SA seems to be a very popular destination for Australians. For those of you who considered other countries and needed up choosing SA, I am interested in why you made this choice?

    I was also wondering if anyone has used PGD in SA, approx costs and success rates.

    i have been with IVF Melbourne - feels like a business not a medical facility or it could just be my FS. Any thoughts re a Melbourne based FS who could liaise with clinic in SA.

    You our all seem so supportive of each other - hope my future posts will be shorter once I learn the IVF language.

    X Anne 257
    Anne, we chose SA pretty much based on the positive stories and experiences here on this thread. We were drawn to the Anglo-Saxon look of donors as that is our background. I am tall and there were a lot of tall donors in SA. We also liked that we could select our own donor which is not always possible in other countries.

    We have a little girl from our first cycle in SA and I'm back in CT now trying for a sibling.

    We also considered the US and Greece.

    Best decision we ever made.

    Good luck to you.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to MrsErinR For This Useful Post:

    Anne257  (28-01-2016)

  5. #144
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    Hi @Anne257

    Aside from yr Dr sending some test results to SA... your FS in Australia basically does nothing. I paid for mine to manage my cycle... but he has really done nothing...as CFC does everything...so don't waste yr money. Yr GP could order any tests that you require.

    I have an 18 month old, the result of IVF with my own eggs & Donor Sperm. My upcoming DE cycle... is using the same Donor Sperm... however I am uncertain what to disclose in regards to one child being my full biological child and hopefully my future bub here as a result of an egg donor. I know I will treat them no differently.. but I am not sure about disclosure ... purely because of the rivalry / reaction / between siblings because of the different situations. I would like to hear what others thoughts are on this... I am fully disclosing that my child is here as a result of donor sperm.

    If I had 2 kids born out of the same situation... I really think I would be more comfortable with this....but it was not meant to be...so this was my struggle and delay in moving to the DE route. Does this make sense to others out there in a similar situation?

  6. #145
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  7. #146
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    Hi MamaKes, I think it's only natural to wonder how the choices we make will affect our existing child. We've come to the donor path following three IVF cycles, I'm now 42. Our first cycle we conceived but lost our baby girl at 19 weeks due to chorioamnionitis (infection). Since then two cycles, 1 egg each time both cycles cancelled. Our daughter is only 3, too young to know or understand about IVF, but she does keep asking me "Mummy will you have a new baby?" I have no doubt that we will love any future children conceived with DE. I have given it some thought and so far my thoughts are that no one else will know about the DE until I have told the chlld conceived with the DE. For me, it is no one else's business, and I would not want my older child or family member to 'accidentally' tell the child before they are old enough to understand or until I have had the conversation with them. I don't think this is being disrespectful to my other child, for me the needs of the child conceived with DE come first in regards to 'their story'.

    I think keep in mind that children can be a bit selfish and that might be why your son is saying some negative things, maybe there's a part of him that wants Mummy to focus only on him and also maybe he doesn't want to see you sad. I think it's good to see a counselor with expertise in this area, that's what I plan to do in order to help me figure out who, when and what to tell. Sometimes it is tempting for me to just stop trying and focus on what I have, but I remind myself that I want another baby, not just for me but for my daughter also. I would love to hear other's thoughts on this subject too, any recommended reading on the subject of telling your child how they were conceived?
    Last edited by Lucinda2016; 29-01-2016 at 06:46.

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    MamaKes  (29-01-2016)

  9. #147
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    @Pixel
    Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations! For me it's wonderful to read about other people's journeys (thanks Wazza for directing me to this forum!). I too like the known donor aspect and that is why I feel drawn to continuing with our planned cycle despite the cost. If we don't have success, I can say I have tried and I will just have to work some extra shifts to save up for an overseas trip! It is so good to know there are other options, takes off so much pressure re my ageing and declining egg supply!

    I am wondering what questions you would advise I ask of knowneggdonors and/or my FS? The agency say that the stimulation is conservative to avoid large numbers of eggs low in quality. I will ask my FS if he will cancel the cycle if the numbers are too large or too low. The agency provides no guarantee of course. I don't know whether I am being stupid or just trying to be positive but I am trying not to think about 'what if it doesn't work?'

    When you've had four miscarriages it is very hard to be positive. I'm in quite a weird head space...i think it is because I find it hard to trust my intuition or my own body. I am trying just to go with it, not easy!

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    Pixel  (29-01-2016)

  11. #148
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    Hi Lucinda,
    I know exactly what your going through. You want to feel you've covered all bases and asked all questions to try avoid any "issues". It's hard to cover off all questions to ask and as you say there's no guarantees which is hard when your not used to taking risks and being out of control.
    I have had 3 scenarios with DE all different Drs and clinics and all resulting in just two embryos to transfer (not anyone's dream cycle) but so far two of those three have been successful.
    I asked for an AMH test and what dosage of FSH they would use. But really they are going to do there best by both the donor and to retrieve as many quality eggs. When we went to Thailand it was our donors first Ivf cycle and due to this it was a lower dose which did affect the number and the cycle was nearly cancelled due to small follicles but they switched to a new clinic who was willing to proceed and we were lucky to have a BFP from the two embryos that were poorly rated.
    I stressed about all the details while in all the planning and deciding phase but once the cycle starts I have to let go as there's nothing I can do anymore but hope for the best.
    hope this helps if I think of any other specific questions I'll let you know. Xxx

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    Lucinda2016  (30-01-2016)

  13. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne257 View Post
    Hi all,

    I am very early in my journey down the egg donation path. There is so much information out there - it is overwhelming. It seems that SA seems to be a very popular destination for Australians. For those of you who considered other countries and needed up choosing SA, I am interested in why you made this choice?

    I was also wondering if anyone has used PGD in SA, approx costs and success rates.

    i have been with IVF Melbourne - feels like a business not a medical facility or it could just be my FS. Any thoughts re a Melbourne based FS who could liaise with clinic in SA.

    You our all seem so supportive of each other - hope my future posts will be shorter once I learn the IVF language.

    X Anne 257
    Hi Anne,
    I used a FS through Melbourne IVF he didn't charge any management fee (just his fees for consult/scan which in my case was 2 appointments and one scan) he did all scans, scripts, pathology and will do my upcoming 6 week pregnancy scan before being referred to the OBGYN.
    It is more expensive than a GP but for me I had a lot of additional meds I wanted scripts for and advice for what was the best for me. I also found he offered reassurance and a support he spent a lot of time with me and answers all my questions throughly.
    His name is Dr Hossam Elzeiny.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Pixel For This Useful Post:

    Anne257  (30-01-2016)

  15. #150
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    Hi Anne,
    Like Pixel i also used Dr Elzeiny as my fertility specialist in melbourne for scripts and scans. I really appreciated his support and expert fertility advice whilst i was going through the donor egg journey. I think the small additional expense of using a FS is worth it.

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wazbub For This Useful Post:

    Anne257  (30-01-2016),Pixel  (30-01-2016)


 

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