+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 28
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    I think the answer to your question depends on a few variables:
    - number of kids
    - ages of kids
    - temperament of kids
    - usefulness and availability of partner/hubby
    - age/temperament/usefulness of family members

    For example: back when I had one bub, was on mat leave and hubby was available due to working normal days - it may have more trouble than it was worth to have my parents around. Actually it was. My sister - I could have enjoyed her company and help.

    Fast forward to having two kids (2 years apart), one of who was an 'energetic' runner, then I probably would have most definitely accepted my sisters help - probably would have asked for it to. Night or day. My parents on the other hand - I may have considered their help if they had offered and if the kids were in bed when they arrived to help (eg for date night only not for day time care). I would have used my parents as a last resort.

    It's all a mute point for me - no family around. I do have friends but don't call on them regularly - don't want to stretch the friendship.

    Some times I am jelous of friends who talk about their family taking the kids a few nights a week/fortnight (and then sometimes complaining how hard it is still.... But seriously good on them for getting a break, if you can why wouldn't you).

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    3 children and no family support at all due to living where we live and it has not bothered me in the slightest. I have 2 really good friends and we help each other out occassionally but pretty much it's been just dh, myself and our 3 children until my 16yr old neice recently came to live with us so she is home with the boys for the last 3 weeks of the school holidays, first helping hand we have ever had. Dh worked FIFO when ds2 was little too.
    Do you find things easier with your niece helping? What do you do with the extra time you have?

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    972
    Thanks
    536
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    My family are close and it makes life a lot easier when we need babysitters while we're working (so the biggest help there is financially), or the odd sleepover which means DH and I get some time together (although that's not that often, so it would probably happen the same amount of time if family moved away but came to visit.
    But I've never had a family member come to help me out with the kids at a doctor's appt, or help with the washing beyond the first week or two of a baby's life, or even invite us over for dinner regularly etc. So, whilst I like being close to family relationship wise and appreciate what they do for us, it has no impact on the day to day running of lives...except financially.
    I wouldn't expect help with house work either if my family were around but I know with my sister being so close to my parents they are all involved in each other's lives. My mum went with her to some of her obs apts during her last pregnancy - I think the kids were with her mil! I take my kids with me to the dr a lot, even smear tests! But when I've needed biopsies I really couldn't take the kids. I'd just love to see family once a week for moral support when things are all going to crap! Even holding the baby while I had a cuppa would've been great 😀

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    390
    Thanks
    686
    Thanked
    239
    Reviews
    0
    family support makes an immense difference, I take my kids to drs apps etc but as a single mumma knowing theyre there if someone gets sick or if I need to do something etc is the difference between sink and swim for me, it is a big, big reason I stay in my town despite hating it here

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    972
    Thanks
    536
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    A hell of a lot.

    We moved when I was 8mths pregnant with no 3.

    My parents came and stayed for about a week after the baby was born, to babysit the other 2 when I was in labour and to just help out a bit while I was tending to Bub.

    I don't know how I survived after they left. DH went back to work, I had to wake the baby when it was school pick up & drop off time (the mummy guilt on this STILL makes me cry, 2 years later). Had i I had mum around, she would have done the school run, done my washing, babysat for doctors appts, let me rest when I needed it.

    I will never forget how I felt, all 3 kids in tow, with mastitis, searching for a Dr who would see me (and then sitting in a waiting room for over an hour) plus then having to walk to the chemist to get my meds, with a temp of 40... DH was sitting nice & comfy at work, and to this day does not realise how much I needed him that day. A mum, a sister or a friend would have helped to deal with that then.

    In the 2 years that we moved away, we've been out alone once. We have gold class movie tix that we can't use (my kids wouldn't cope with a babysitter).

    My house is relatively clean, but my weak point is the laundry. I can never get on top of it. I recently but the bullet and spent $80 for someone to wash dry & do the ironing. It was either that or my sanity.

    It was hard to make friends but I'm surprised that I made a few close friends who would help at the drop of a hat. My original friends from back home wouldn't have helped as mum as those few girls did.

    I'm a lot more tired than I was, I eat the kids scraps for dinner and I usually binge for an energy snack. But I am active and my kids have no choice but to go with me to exercise classes, because there is no one to watch them. That is my one indulgence and I refuse to let that slide, otherwise I would not cope at all.

    Op, I feel for you. I've been there. It took about 10 months on our own for my DH to somewhat understand. But I make him to stacks of housework. Just coz he earns the cash does not absolve him of housework - and not just the gardens but inside stuff. He will regularly mop and vacuum when I tell him to (his mum and dad would die if they knew he did housework).

    So yes, for my part, having family around is a huge help, not to be underestimated or undervalued.

    Smile and try to laugh OP, I know it can get overwhelming 😘
    I can so relate to the 3rd child sleep issues! I hated having to wake my bub for school runs used to drive me mad to read all the advice on sleep and know it can't work for me as I'm tied to school timetable. That experience with mastitis must've been horrible. I had to take my older 2 to my 19 week grown scan the day after we got back from overseas and so jet lagged and no sleep as ds was in wrong time zone. I remember the look the sonographer gave me as she asked what I'd with me to entertain them and I look blankly back! That's the other thing that bugs me that people just presume you can easily find someone to look after your kids when needed, like I'd drag them to these apts for fun 😉

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,111
    Thanks
    2,898
    Thanked
    3,329
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I use family help a LOT. I'm a solo parent and work full time shift work. The shift work is fantastic for giving us a great wage and a lot of free time together. But I work 12.5hr days and 12.5hr nights. Day care cannot meet those needs. So my parents and my sister fill the gap. They become me when I'm at work, taking them to day care and my dad looks after them when I'm on nightshift. It's a mammoth ask as DD2 is a shocking sleeper and they always end up cosleeping. There's often "handover issues", and I feel terribly guilty relying on them so much, but I also know my parents and my girls now have an amazing bond. It means I can't ask for anything else from them! No asking for a night out as they do more than enough.

    My mum did 3 kids (within 4 years) with my dad working long hours and she worked and studied too. Zero family help. I asked her how she did it and she said she didn't know.

    I think it's a great idea to use vacation care and day care. OMG the world is such a better place if you have even just a tiny bit of you time. You need to do it guilt free too.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,841
    Thanks
    1,819
    Thanked
    1,421
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    It definitely helps- but ANY support does.

    I think the main problem is your partner/husband to be honest. He doesn't listen to you, doesn't help and is dismissive.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to DT75 For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (11-01-2016)

  9. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    2,210
    Thanks
    2,039
    Thanked
    1,911
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We live an hour from my mum, but she still drives out here once a week to look after DS for us. She also sneakily does my housework while she's here even though I tell her not to (but which I am soooo grateful for!). There have been times I've been so sick I can't move and she'll come and get DS and take him for the day/night so that I can rest. I honestly don't know what we'd do without her!

    My dad lives overseas, but even if he was close by he'd be no help! Love him dearly but he's hopeless with kids.

    PIL's live 1.5 hours away, but they'd be no help even if they were close.

    My sister & brother would be a great help, but they live an hour away and have their own kids. Wish we all lived closer as we'd all help each other out.

    SIL's would be no help, and I would never allow them to mind DS anyway.

    So I think it really does depend on the family member. If your family is a bit useless, then you're no better off. But if your family is supportive then it can be a godsend.

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    4,174
    Thanks
    1,267
    Thanked
    2,579
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Not me personally, but for my sister it has made a massive difference.

    My sister and her hubby moved interstate not long after getting married. She's fiercely independent and stubborn and her hubby is just stubborn. When they had their DS my sister was really really sick. Her hubby was an ok support, but my sister refused me going down - even just to sit with her in hospital, cuddle her DS in the corner, nothing. About a week or so after going home from hospital, her hubby went back to work. I am so so so surprised she didn't get PND. Fast forward to 18 months later and mum and dad moved to where my sister is for mums work. It took dad about 8-9 months to find a job so in that time he looked after my nephew during the day so my sister could go to work, pick up extra days etc. To this day, dad and my nephew have a great relationship (he loooooves his Granddad) and he's like a shadow to my dad. My sister and her hubby both do crossfit so now my nephew has a sleep over with mum and dad every Friday night (dad picks him up from day care - he gets cross if anyone else tries to pick him up on a Friday haha) so my sister and her hubby can go to an early session on the Saturday. My sister is happier and healthier having mum and dad nearby. My BIL has also changed for the better. He doesn't get along with his family and really isn't big on family full stop. He's really come around though a) since my nephew was born, and b) since mum and dad moved. It's like he's had an awakening. It's not uncommon now to find him hanging out at mum and dads on a weekend if my sister is working/sleeping off a night shift.

    I don't know how I'm going to cope when we have kids not having my family around. I'll have my ILs, and I know they'll want to help/be involved though.

  11. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Sydney NSW
    Posts
    1,827
    Thanks
    596
    Thanked
    592
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi there, support is important in fact a necessity but it does not have to be family. Take it where you can find it. OP, i feel you need to organise some support for your self and your family. Eg for me, i dont use family for any daycare or child minding, and between our 3 children we depend on 10 sessions of oosh and 5 days of daycare. Dentists and drs we do out of work hrs. We are both out of the house working from 7 til nearly 6. A support structure and a routine is a must. Family is great but we have had to organize our lives independently of them. All the best.


 

Similar Threads

  1. How to start a thread for mums/dads without family / support around??
    By Freyamum in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-03-2015, 16:44

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Hills Swimming Kenthurst
Located in the beautiful suburb of Kenthurst and boasts a heated 25m pool. We conduct world-leading Baby and Parent Classes, Preschool Classes, School Age and Squad Training. Our classes are small, our service personal and our quality of the highest.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!