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  1. #971
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    Yeah it's such a hard hard road that nobody would ever understand unless they have travelled it. it impacts a person on so many levels and I know it's changed me in so many ways I would never have imagined. I've had years of wanting to run away from everyone and everything so that no one would know, as I've always hated that feeling of pity that I feel people feel towards me. It's why i don't see a bunch of my oldest friends because it's always the elephant in the room. I hate that and I hate that we all have been through so much grief and pain and still do not have that elusive baby. It's so not hard to see why you've hit rock bottom Tahli.

    big hugs to everyone, none of us deserve any of this

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  3. #972
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    @Tahli - everyone here understands where you are at. I already feel like throwing in the towel after three cycles. A break will be good for you. I know even having a cycle off on between each IVF cycle makes me feel better and ready to go the next time.

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  5. #973
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    @JulieMalooley wahoo exactly what you wanted. Congratulations. Oh and im glad i was right for once. Lol perfect pair.

    @Tahli firstly hugs to you... rest for now but it seems to me you are a strong woman who is determined and makes informed educated choices so what ever you choose will be right. I feel exactly the same hence my step away. Im not saying never but at this stage im out. We are here to listen and support you. My son is 21 soon and is an only child. His best mate in high school became like his brother and we are super close. There are benefits to both sides. Siblings vs only child. Take care of you.xx

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  7. #974
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    Default IVF over 40#24

    @Tahli darling, oh my goodness how I feel for you. I am so sorry you've reached such a dark point with it all, it is such a difficult road to take & is absolutely exhausting.

    I don't know if I have any words of wisdom to impart as this is such an individual journey that tests us to our limits, but in July last year I reached the end of the road too. I don't want to be melodramatic, but I truly was in a suicidal space & my only thought 24/7 was "if I don't have a child what is the point of living?"

    I went to Bali for work & took all my drugs for a long down regulated cycle & I just couldn't face it. I remember standing there in my pretty Balinese bathroom holding the injection ready to go, & absolutely sobbing my heart out. Every fibre of my being was telling me it was enough, that my body couldn't take any more, but I wanted my baby so desperately I was ready to die for her. (Am sure a girl was destined for me). Stopping the drugs meant giving up hope & that day I knew I had to decide whether to continue torturing myself or let go of my dream.

    I faced the worst that day & made the choice for a childless life. And then I started the steps to heal.

    Fast forward six months & I am in a totally different head space. I healed my emotional trauma, my physical body & I'm now ready to make a decision to move forward from a totally different place. I haven't had any meds since July & I am so much happier & healthier.

    So all I can say is to not necessarily draw a 'forever ' line, but just have a break. Give yourself some space to truly feel into what it is you want to do next from the deepest level of your soul. That takes time & stillness to receive the messages from your inner knowing, so rather than take your despair as a sign to finish it all, take it as a sign that it is time to heal some wounds & take some time out for you & your son & then review once you've had some time to settle.

    Love & endless hugs from one strong woman to another xxxxx
    Last edited by Summer; 22-01-2016 at 23:51.

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  9. #975
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    @Tahli I'm so sorry to read the pain you are in and how unwell you have felt. I also have been in awe of how organised and strong you have been through all of this and on your own too. Please take time to have a breather and come back or I hope you can move on, whichever is best for you and your family and your health. You've been an inspiration in your determination and good humour
    @Precious40 best of luck today again

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  11. #976
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    @Precious40 All the very best for BT today Luv!!!

    and prayers being sent your way!!

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  13. #977
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    good luck Precious.

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  15. #978
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    another sending lots of baby dust to @Precious40 for today

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  17. #979
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    Hi ladies all the best @Precious40 for todays bt. Im awol for most of today off to the tennis shortly for the day have a good one xxx

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  19. #980
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    Good morning ladies....well as a newbie to this group I have read your posts from these past few days and I am so amazed by all the love and support you have for each other, we all have different journeys but ultimately the same goal and it is wonderful you all have so much support to give despite your own heartaches!. @Tahli I wish you all the luck but most importantly inner peace for you and your decision, I hope your health improves and you are happy with whatever you decide. I know we are lucky having our children but I must admit I don't feel like I can give mine 100 percent at times when on this ivf rollercoaster, which isn't fair.
    Have a nice weekend everyone x

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