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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    What about international adoption? Is that an option?


    Hmmm, not sure. I guess my heart is kind of set on having my own baby, and I'm not quite up to the point where I would consider that.

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  3. #152
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    @Blossom74 and @Summer Creating a sibling with my ex is not an option but thank-you for suggesting it. It's not the creation of the pregnancy/baby that is the issue but the quality of life for the sibling as they grow up. There's no way my DS could go and have super regular contact with his Dad (5 days p/w) and the sibling not have any with their shared biological father. Imagine the animosity b/w the children. I could never do that. And the very difficult dilemmas around bdays, xmas, holidays, etc etc. Also my ex's heart would break not having a proper relationship with his bio child, as would his parents. You get the picture!
    Note to my younger self: never create a child with a man when your relationship isn't rock solid. The outcome for the child is heartbreaking.

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  5. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Blossom74 and @Summer Creating a sibling with my ex is not an option but thank-you for suggesting it. It's not the creation of the pregnancy/baby that is the issue but the quality of life for the sibling as they grow up. There's no way my DS could go and have super regular contact with his Dad (5 days p/w) and the sibling not have any with their shared biological father. Imagine the animosity b/w the children. I could never do that. And the very difficult dilemmas around bdays, xmas, holidays, etc etc. Also my ex's heart would break not having a proper relationship with his bio child, as would his parents. You get the picture!
    Note to my younger self: never create a child with a man when your relationship isn't rock solid. The outcome for the child is heartbreaking.
    Well Luv, you're not the first woman to do that and you won't be the last either. Just as many women have created a child with a man when they thought their relationship was rock solid only for it to fall apart down the line for whatever reason. You and your Ex seem to be able to co-parent your DS cohesively and co-operatively together with both of you seeming to get pretty equal amounts of time with DS so that's the most important thing IMO when things do go not as we'd hoped or intended.

    Do you wonder the reverse about your next bub?? How they may possibly feel seeing your DS going off with his father but them not having a tangible father as such to spend time with?? I know your Dad will be an excellent male role model and there's nothing to say you won't meet someone down the line who will be an excellent father figure to your next bub and your DS to some extent too.

    I hope my question hasn't offended or upset you in any way Luv as that's definitely not my intention, I just wonder how things like this are dealt with when having a child/children conceived using donor eggs/sperm?? Fruck!! I really hope I haven't put my foot right in it???

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  7. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Blossom74 and @Summer Creating a sibling with my ex is not an option but thank-you for suggesting it. It's not the creation of the pregnancy/baby that is the issue but the quality of life for the sibling as they grow up. There's no way my DS could go and have super regular contact with his Dad (5 days p/w) and the sibling not have any with their shared biological father. Imagine the animosity b/w the children. I could never do that. And the very difficult dilemmas around bdays, xmas, holidays, etc etc. Also my ex's heart would break not having a proper relationship with his bio child, as would his parents. You get the picture!
    Note to my younger self: never create a child with a man when your relationship isn't rock solid. The outcome for the child is heartbreaking.
    Absolutely - I think for myself I get so focused on the baby that I forget what comes after!

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  9. #155
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    @BlondeinBrisvegas Thank-you for your kind words. You could never put your foot in it. It's a question that I've thought about immensely. And as you mention, I hope to meet some-one later in life that can hopefully be a great father to my second child. But the slightly interesting aspect is that of course my second child will want to join in on activities that his big brother is doing, like camping trips with his Dad. So weirdly I wouldn't be surprised if second child has a relationship with my ex anyway. Which is weird but I just want a cohesive family for my DS and then for my second child to feel as included, loved and cherished as much as possible. It's imperative the 2 children feel as bonded as possible even though they were created from 4 different people! If only I could create a sibling with my own eggs.

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  11. #156
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    Sorry @Tahli, you're right. I was thinking from the pregnancy perspective and not from the child's perspective.

    I'm sure those are considerations you have thought about very carefully, as opposed to my "I know where you can find some sperm!" spontaneous outburst.

    My apologies. My thinking didn't go much further than "Wouldn't it be nice for the two children to be genetically related."


    Blossom

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  13. #157
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    @Summer Most women do. That's what happened to me during the 5 years that I was a part of the adoption process. My relationship had crumbled but I was so goal focused on adopting that baby that I kept soldiering on. I should have called time on the relationship at that point. I then feel pregnant naturally with DS right at the end of the adoption process (just to clarify..its a bit of a confusing story!).
    Last edited by Tahli; 12-01-2016 at 09:47.

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  15. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @BlondeinBrisvegas Thank-you for your kind words. You could never put your foot in it. It's a question that I've thought about immensely. And as you mention, I hope to meet some-one later in life that can hopefully be a great father to my second child. But the slightly interesting aspect is that of course my second child will want to join in on activities that his big brother is doing, like camping trips with his Dad. So weirdly I wouldn't be surprised if second child has a relationship with my ex anyway. Which is weird but I just want a cohesive family for my DS and then for my second child to feel as included, loved and cherished as much as possible. It's imperative the 2 children feel as bonded as possible even though they were created from 4 different people! If only I could create a sibling with my own eggs.
    No doubt your Ex will happily include your DS's brother or sister on such outings when they're old enough. Probably will welcome taking an extra to help keep your DS amused too!!!

    I also have no doubt you'll meet someone else down the track who will become your life partner and who will be an excellent father/father figure to your children

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  17. #159
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    @Blossom74 There's absolutely no need to apologise AT ALL. Gosh, the amount of times I've looked at my ex and thought about how I wish my second child could have the exact same genetic make-up at my super loved DS . To have another one of my DS would be phenomenal. I've found this very hard to reconcile.

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  19. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Blossom74 There's absolutely no need to apologise AT ALL. Gosh, the amount of times I've looked at my ex and thought about how I wish my second child could have the exact same genetic make-up at my super loved DS . To have another one of my DS would be phenomenal. I've found this very hard to reconcile.
    I can only imagine just how difficult this must be for you and the other Lovelies who have to go down this path to get your BFFP's regardless of whether it's for the first time or the last

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