I have always wanted a real secure attachment with my baby. I don't know if I'm just emotional right now but I feel like I have stuffed up and feel like a failure. I have always passed my baby around to everyone since he was born and let them settle him, not because I was ok with it but because I wasn't strong enough to say no (I am a people pleaser). When he was upset with other people I always just looked away to cope since I so much wanted him back. He'd look at me crying and I'd always break eye contact.
Now he doesn't settle with me any better than anyone else, he doesn't even seem to look for me more than anyone else. And what hurts me the most is sometimes he absolutely screams once he gets to me. It breaks my heart because I so so much wanted the strongest bond ever with my baby. I feel like a massive failure and feel like I have left it too late. I don't know how to fix it or what to do. I feel just so sad about it because I am the type of mum that wants to mainly hold my baby when we go out and I want my baby to look for me. I could try and grab him back more now, but know I'd look like a douche because he would just cry more for me