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  1. #1
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    Default Bonding with 7 month old

    I have always wanted a real secure attachment with my baby. I don't know if I'm just emotional right now but I feel like I have stuffed up and feel like a failure. I have always passed my baby around to everyone since he was born and let them settle him, not because I was ok with it but because I wasn't strong enough to say no (I am a people pleaser). When he was upset with other people I always just looked away to cope since I so much wanted him back. He'd look at me crying and I'd always break eye contact.

    Now he doesn't settle with me any better than anyone else, he doesn't even seem to look for me more than anyone else. And what hurts me the most is sometimes he absolutely screams once he gets to me. It breaks my heart because I so so much wanted the strongest bond ever with my baby. I feel like a massive failure and feel like I have left it too late. I don't know how to fix it or what to do. I feel just so sad about it because I am the type of mum that wants to mainly hold my baby when we go out and I want my baby to look for me. I could try and grab him back more now, but know I'd look like a douche because he would just cry more for me
    Last edited by Jane17031703; 10-01-2016 at 23:31.

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    Default Bonding with 7 month old

    Hi Jane.. I couldn't read and run..

    Please don't feel like a failure. Your his mum and always will be. Make a decision now to put yours and his needs first and best foot forward.

    Lots and lots of one on one time. Make it your mission to be the one person that can make him laugh the hardest. I've got a 6mth old DD and it's a great age as they love to smile and are just starting to giggle..

    Make your one on one time extra special. Can you lie down with him and co sleep for one nap a day?

    Skin on skin contact with lots of eye contact where possible when he's relaxed.

    Dance round the room with him and pull silly faces to make him laugh.

    Take him to the park and point out all the birds and trees and let all his new sensory experiences be with you first.

    Swim with him.

    Please don't let your insecurities make you feel bad or that it's hopeless. Your mum, you carried him in your womb and it's totally able to be fixed. Just reassure him from today onwards that he's your number one man and you'll always be there for him for the joys and the tears. Good luck xx
    Last edited by amiracle4me; 10-01-2016 at 23:54.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to amiracle4me For This Useful Post:

    Jane17031703  (22-02-2016),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (11-01-2016)

  4. #3
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    Ps..are you on maternity leave or back at work?

  5. #4
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    Also remember that all babies are different and his behaviour may well have nothing to do with what you have done and more to do with him being more independent than many others. I felt similar to you with ds1, I thought he couldn't care less who I was, he didn't seem to show me any more attention, never gazed lovingly at me across the room etc. And I never had any family around to help so it wasn't through lack of interaction with him. When he went to daycare one day a week at 7 months he never shed a single tear or even looked back when I left him. It was great he wasn't upset but made me feel very unloved.
    However my ds2 who is 7 months is totally different. He's always gazed and me all the time, loves cuddles and kisses and although he's happy to go to other people you can tell he prefers me. Have I done anything differently? Not that I know of. Now my ds1 is 2 years old he's still not really cuddly or affectionate but it's clear he has a strong bond with me as its only natural being his mum.
    Just do what feels best for you, ie try spending more one on one time together like pp mentioned. However don't feel bad and that he's like this due to lack of attention and time with you. It's probably just that he's a confident little boy who is happy to be away from mummy without getting anxious. Which to me can be a very positive thing. X

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    In so sorry you feel like this. Have you got a baby carrier? I find baby wearing is excellent for bonding. Their heart is next to yours, you can look at each other and chat. Kiss bubs head, pat his bottom and cuddle all while you do other things. If you haven't carried Bub like that before, it will take some getting used to so just do a few mins at a time and slowly increase. Baby wearing is also great because it stops people from snatching Bub off you! Try something comfy, like an ergo, and make sure Bub can face you.

    I truly think you can rebuild that bond, hopefully you get some other good advice here too. It must be really hard xx

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    I agree with @amiracle4me.

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    Without wanting to sound harsh to you, this is the 3rd or 4th thread you have started about your bond with your baby. Maybe you need to look for a good child health nurse or someone similar to talk to about your feelings. This is such a gorgeous time for babies and it's sad that you are struggling to enjoy your bub because you are worrying about whether you have bonded with him.

    also, a counsellor might be able to help you find the right strategies to use to step in and take your bub back when he is crying for you.

    Dont feel like a failure, you obviously love and adore your little man, but it sounds like you are struggling emotionally right now.

    all the very best.
    Last edited by GirlsRock; 11-01-2016 at 07:13.

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  13. #8
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    You could try some of these activities listed in this link...

    http://babyology.com.au/miscellaneou...dd9ae-82844725

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    Thanks so much guys for all your answers (even though I was so late replying, I read them all and it really helped me at the time) I can't believe the change in the bond we now have, I really realized it now when I looked back on this thread. now my little man looks to me for everything, he can now crawl and follows me everywhere, we play together, when he is tired he only wants me, and we have an amazing bond (all the while bubs still has an amazing bond with his daddy, aunties, grandparents etc). I am so happy and I just can't believe the change, and I am now glad he loves other people so much because if he was any more clingy to me it would be just so hard. He def shows preference to me but still loves other people, which makes me happy and him happy because I love him receiving love from all round.

    Thank you for your answers.

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  17. #10
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    Default Bonding with 7 month old

    Glad things have worked out. It's a lovely age 😊


 

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