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  1. #1
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    Default father of unborn baby threatening court already πŸ˜’

    Hi everyone,
    has anyone been in a similar situation to mine, and what was the outcome?



    Im currently 25 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby (different father to my first 2) and have split from the FOB due to emotional abuse and narcistic behaviour.

    he is now threatening court action against me saying he will demand as much visitation as he likes, as he seems to think he can have a newborn for 8 hours a day from the start... He has never been around a newborn so has no
    idea and I will also be breastfeeding.
    Since he left he is now living with his parents who live 1 hour away from me and his work schedule is not set hours (sometimes working away for a few days at a time)

    in no way will I deny him access to his child as I feel they should have a great relationship and bond, but I don't feel comfortable with him taking my newborn whenever he likes for as long as he likes. especially since bub will be breastfed.

    i need to get baby into a routine ASAP so I can run my household with 3 kids as smooth as possible and he just doesnt care about that.
    he is the type to actually go ahead and take me to court, so I'm just wondering what the process would be and how long would it take to have something written in place by the courts? also cost??

    what would a likely outcome be for visitation within the first year or two, considering he lives an hour away?

    in scared, I'm pregnant and emotional and I need to get as much realistic info as possible.

    TIA x

  2. #2
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    In terms of the process he would need to take you to mediation first before court.

    Where I live, the waiting lists are huge and if he wanted to go for the free options (Relationships Australia / Family relationship centre) it typically takes 6 months from the first phone call to the first mediation session and that is with everything is going smoothly. Mediation involves them needing to have an individual appointment with him, then you. Once that has happened, you both get a phone call back inviting you to a group session. You will need to attend different group sessions. Once that has happened, you are both contacted to arrange a mutually convenient mediation session. It is not unusual to need to go back a few times. Actually with a newborn baby to protect, I would strongly advise that you did try and string it out as long as possible eg you are not available for the next vacant appointment etc.

    If he was to go the private route for mediation then waiting times are much shorter and it will cost you money.

    If mediation fails, you are both issued certificates to go to court. He could choose to self represent and file and application with the court. If he went the lawyer route, most family lawyers would be attempting lawyer led mediation resolution to avoid the matter going to court. This can take months and months and months. If the matter cannot be resolved it will then go to court. Depending on where you live the waiting lists for court can be months and months and months.

    Anyway, to cut a long story short if he is going to take you to court the process can take years and cost in the vicinity of $100k. He may not actually do it.

    As it does take a long time, he may opt to apply for interim orders. I have no experience with interim orders so cannot really comment to much. It is my understanding that the judge makes a temporary decision regarding custody without a full hearing. The temporary orders stay in place until there is a proper hearing. My ex threatened me with applying for interim orders, however I'm pretty sure he would have been laughed out of court because he was actually seeing the kids on a regular basis, he was wanting his access increased by a night a fortnight. I *think* interim orders are really only granted in cases where access is being denied by the custodial parent.

    There is a large body of research suggesting that newborns and infants need to spend the majority of time with a primary caregiver. If the worst was to happen and he miraculously got to court in record time, no court would order he spend 8 hours a day with the baby away from you, especially if you are breastfeeding. The recommendations for babies and children under two are usually along the lines of short regular amounts of contact often in the child's own home and certainly no overnights. Eg two hours, three days a week. The fact that he lives an hour away and has no set work hours would be factored in as well.

    In short, I wouldn't worry too much at the moment. The whole process could potentially take years and he may not actually take you to court. I would just wait and see what happens. If it does look like he is going to take you to court, I would suggest you get legal aid as lawyers bills can and do add up very quickly.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 10-01-2016 at 10:19.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    In terms of the process he would need to take you to mediation first before court.

    Where I live, the waiting lists are huge and if he wanted to go for the free options (Relationships Australia / Family relationship centre) it typically takes 6 months from the first phone call to the first mediation session and that is everything is going smoothly. Mediation involves them needing to have an individual appointment with him, then you. Once that has happened, you both get a phone call back inviting you to a group session. You will need to attend different group sessions. Once that has happened, you are both contacted to arrange a mutually convenient mediation session. It is not unusual to need to go back a few times. Actually with a newborn baby to protect, I would strongly advise that you did try and string it out as long as possible eg you are not available for the next vacant appointment etc.

    If he was to go the private route for mediation then waiting times are much shorter and it will cost you money.

    If mediation fails, you are both issued certificates to go to court. He could choose to self represent and file and application with the court. If he went the lawyer route, most family lawyers would be attempting lawyer led mediation resolution to avoid the matter going to court. This can take months and months and months. If the matter cannot be resolved it will then go to court. Depending on where you live the waiting lists for court can be months and months and months.

    Anyway, to cut a long story short if he is going to take you to court the process can take years and cost in the vicinity of $100k. He may not actually do it.

    As it does take a long time, he may opt to apply for interim orders. I have no experience with interim orders so cannot really comment to much. It is my understanding that the judge makes a temporary decision regarding custody without a full hearing. The temporary orders stay in place until there is a proper hearing. My ex threatened me with applying for interim orders, however I'm pretty sure he would have been laughed out of court because he was actually seeing the kids on a regular basis, he was wanting his access increased by a night a fortnight. I *think* interim orders are really only granted in cases where access is being denied by the custodial parent.

    There is a large body of research suggesting that newborns and infants need to spend the majority of time with a primary caregiver. If the worst was to happen and he miraculously got to court in record time, no court would order he spend 8 hours a day with the baby away from you, especially if you are breastfeeding. The recommendations for babies and children under two are usually along the lines of short regular amounts of contact often in the child's own home and certainly no overnights. Eg two hours, three days a week. The fact that he lives an hour away a week and has no set work hours would be factored in as well.

    In short, I wouldn't worry too much at the moment. The whole process could potentially take years and he may not actually take you to court. I would just wait and see what happens. If it does look like he is going to take you to court, I would suggest you get legal aid as lawyers bills can and do add up very quickly.
    thankyou so much for all the info, I really appreciate it!
    i will not deny him access, my other 2 kids see their dad every Sunday as he works 6 days a week and we've never had any issues, we get along great.
    Father of my unborn baby just thinks he will be able to have the baby as often as he likes whenever he likes.
    Would I best contact legal aid now or do I need to wait until baby is born?
    he would probanly pay for a private lawyer I'm sure, well his parents would anyway ν ½νΈ’

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMetal View Post
    thankyou so much for all the info, I really appreciate it!
    i will not deny him access, my other 2 kids see their dad every Sunday as he works 6 days a week and we've never had any issues, we get along great.
    Father of my unborn baby just thinks he will be able to have the baby as often as he likes whenever he likes.
    Would I best contact legal aid now or do I need to wait until baby is born?
    he would probanly pay for a private lawyer I'm sure, well his parents would anyway οΏ½οΏ½οΏ½οΏ½οΏ½οΏ½
    You could give them a call now to see what they would say, but I don't think they could do too much until the baby is born.

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    I would guess that the actual reality of caring for a newborn would kick in pretty quickly and that would be enuf to discontinue his ideas of having the newborn baby to care for more than an hour or two.

    It's not an easy job!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimmmm View Post
    I would guess that the actual reality of caring for a newborn would kick in pretty quickly and that would be enuf to discontinue his ideas of having the newborn baby to care for more than an hour or two.

    It's not an easy job!
    Unless he has a mother who is willing to do the caring for him while he sits nearby on his phone... In which case it would be super easy for him.

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    They live an hour away and his work hours change so not sure if he realises he will need to commit to set times

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    A friend of mine works for a mediation place and she said that it's quite rare for the non-primary carer to look after babies for long periods of time as it's not usually in the best interest of the child.
    Hopefully your ex will understand this once the baby is born. It might be hard for him to comprehend this if he hasn't spent much time with a newborn before.
    Something like him visiting for an hour every day / second day might work.

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    Go straight to court and make sure you keep all evidence of contact especially if he is abusive via text... As long as your showing willingness to share custody within reason a judge will side with the best interest of the child and I guarantee a breast feeding mum trying to get a baby into a routine will win hands down! In WA courts say mediation is meaningless and go straight to court if there is amnomisity between the two of you! Plus if he keeps the baby beyond his allowed hours police will only recognise a court order not mediation good luck and go to legal aid before he does as only one party gets free legal advice

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    I just remembered. You don't need to actually go to court to get court orders. You can reach an agreement between the two of you or with assistance of lawyers and have them lodged with the family court and converted into court orders.


 

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