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  1. #1
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    Default DS anxious in large group situations

    Hi all
    I am looking for some advice/ recommendations regarding my DS who is 2 years 7 months.

    DS gets very anxious when we have a party or a large-ish group of people over at home. He gets painfully clingy and doesn't play with anyone. We have to hold him for the duration of the event and he won't eat or drink anything. He is a little better if the event is not at home but still takes him a very long time to feel ready to get off to play/socialise.

    He has always been a clingy child with mega separation anxiety from a very young age but has improved tremendously now ( except in group situations).

    Now, I would like to see someone professional about this as I can see how anxious he becomes. But I have no idea who: psychologist, behaviourist????

    Has anyone had their kids go through this and come out fine with or without intervention??

  2. #2
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    Yes my little girl was super clingy at that age! Really didn't seem to enjoy birthday parties or any large gathering. I tried to be really patient with her but it's very draining. You feel awful watching all of the other kids enjoy themselves.

    Once she went to Kindy (the year she turned 4) she gradually improved. It took the whole year for her to feel confident talking in front of the class for news etc. The teacher was great at gradually pushing her out of her comfort zone.

    She is now almost 6 and has morphed into a real social butterfly this year at school. She has lots of friends and loves birthday parties. We went to an extended family gathering recently and she was talking to grown ups she had never met & had a wonderful time.

    She is still very sensitive and gets upset about things very easily, I think that's just her personality. She also likes to do stuff in her own time and hates being pushed into things she isn't ready for.

    Your DS is still very young, does he do anything away from you like daycare? We didn't so when she was 3 I put her in a little Kindy for 3 hours a week. She didn't really like it much & cried when I dropped her off but I think it was a good transition to school.

    Just be gentle and patient with him and if you are still worried maybe talk to your GP?

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    lifewith2  (06-01-2016)

  4. #3
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    I'll let you know next week - my SIL is seeing a child psychiatrist for her 4 year old DD as she has severe separation anxiety and is the same in groups or parties , even in her own home , she's been at pre school 2 days a week all last year and she's gotten worse so GP recommended seeing someone so they are going next week , I'll let you know what they say

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    lifewith2  (06-01-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by dido View Post
    Yes my little girl was super clingy at that age! Really didn't seem to enjoy birthday parties or any large gathering. I tried to be really patient with her but it's very draining. You feel awful watching all of the other kids enjoy themselves.

    Once she went to Kindy (the year she turned 4) she gradually improved. It took the whole year for her to feel confident talking in front of the class for news etc. The teacher was great at gradually pushing her out of her comfort zone.

    She is now almost 6 and has morphed into a real social butterfly this year at school. She has lots of friends and loves birthday parties. We went to an extended family gathering recently and she was talking to grown ups she had never met & had a wonderful time.

    She is still very sensitive and gets upset about things very easily, I think that's just her personality. She also likes to do stuff in her own time and hates being pushed into things she isn't ready for.

    Your DS is still very young, does he do anything away from you like daycare? We didn't so when she was 3 I put her in a little Kindy for 3 hours a week. She didn't really like it much & cried when I dropped her off but I think it was a good transition to school.

    Just be gentle and patient with him and if you are still worried maybe talk to your GP?

    DS goes to Childcare 3 days a week. He started at 15 months and pretty much cried for 2-3 months at drop off and some parts of the day. Now, however, he loves it there and is adored by all his carers. We considered it a huge success when DS settled into Childcare. It does take him such a long time in social situations.

    Great to hear about your DD. It is so good to see their progress, esp when you've put in so much effort!

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    dido  (06-01-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I'll let you know next week - my SIL is seeing a child psychiatrist for her 4 year old DD as she has severe separation anxiety and is the same in groups or parties , even in her own home , she's been at pre school 2 days a week all last year and she's gotten worse so GP recommended seeing someone so they are going next week , I'll let you know what they say
    Oh that would be great. It's so difficult to see him struggle so much in social situations when I know that he can do so much and has such a playful personality.

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    I think if he's happy and confident at daycare that's great! It would put my mind at ease that he's capable of coping in a very social setting. Maybe try not focusing on it for a few months and see how he goes. You could set a reminder in your phone to mentally revisit it in 3/4 months and then just switch off from stressing about it. He's very young and will probably improve with time. Remember that kids often show their worst behaviour to their parents because we are the only ones that they feel totally comfortable with. Lucky us

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    lifewith2  (07-01-2016)

  11. #7
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    My DD1 was a very clingy toddler. Didn't like it when I held other babies, didn't like it when my second daughter came along. Didn't want anything to do with her actually. She didn't come near me when her father brought her to hospital to see me and the baby. She is 11 now and is a beautiful natured child, but very sensitive. I guess I can be sensitive so I can't say much about her in that respect. In preschool and her first year of prep she didn't say much at all. Barely spoke to anyone, and her second year of prep she came out of her shell. Some kids are just shy, I wouldn't push any kind of therapy on your little boy just yet. He is still so little. He might just come out of his anxiety on his own. My daughter is still quite a mummy's girl but I figure she is just like that. She is immature for 11, but I was the same. All kids are different.

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    lifewith2  (07-01-2016)

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    It's lovely to hear such supportive and positive comments. It's hard not to worry when friends and family start comparing DS2's laid back personality with DS1 who is super sensitive and clingy. It doesn't help that he doesn't socialise and holds onto us for dear life whenever we are in a social gathering. I have taken your comments on board and will cruise with it for a few months and see where it takes us. I myself have a bit of social anxiety, both as a child and as an adult and know first hand how difficult and daunting it can be to be placed in new situations. I have had to work on myself heaps to get where I am today and I want to make sure my DS is supported as much as possible so he can reach his potential, which he has lots of as he is a clever little chugger.

    Maybe I will start the ball rolling with my gp to get a referral so if I need an appt in the next few months, it is available to me without a waiting list.

  14. #9
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    My daughter was/is the same. She's 3 years, 3 months now. She has to know people well to be comfortable, and has no interest whatsoever in interacting with children. At your son's age she was extremely anxious too. She's gotten a bit better...still won't interact with most people, but seems more confident within herself...knows ehat she's comfortable with.

    No suggestions regarding professionals, but it's not necessarily an issue at this age. Kids are all different. It's tough though.


 

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