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  1. #11
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    I would delete his details and walk away even though it hurts. He has been gently trying to tell you for a while that there is no future for you two as a couple. He comes from a culture of arranged marriage so his family would have never accepted you. He had said he wanted to move and that he wasn't ready to settle down. I suspect the first message was his family and the Dear John text was him.

    There is a difference between being in love and being suited.

  2. #12
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    When a man tells you he doesn't want a future with you, believe him. I wasted 3 years trying to make things work with a man who blatantly told me he didn't want to settle down. 3 years wasted being miserable because I didn't believe him when he told me upfront!

    Sorry hun but you need to cut your losses and move on x

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  4. #13
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    Cut your loss. Have a bit more respect for yourself and your 2 kids, they deserve someone better as well, its about them too.

    2) if you had a adult daughter who was in the same situation what would you tell her?
    3) you will always be the outcast because of his family.

  5. #14
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    I would cut your losses and get on with your life without him. He is totally not that into you, sorry.

  6. #15
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    Sorry but I agree with all the pps, this man is wasting your time. If someone wants to be with you they will be; if he can't stand up for your relationship to his family you're far better off knowing now and cutting your losses.

    Also think about the fact that any man that is involved with you will also be in your children's lives. Is this the kind of step father you would want for them, someone who is hot and cold, sometimes wants to be around and other times not. You and your kids deserve better. He's told you clearly and demonstrated with his behavior that he can't or won't commit to you. Just move on.

  7. #16
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    It may be possible those rude msgs were actually sent by a family member on Frank's phone.

    Even if this was true I don't think it's going to work out. He's just not that into you. I think you already know this and have turned to the forum for validation.

    Cut your losses and spend the year learning to be happy by yourself again and one day you will find someone who you are compatible with and can have a future together xxxx

  8. #17
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    I agree with all the above posters. I think for me not being able to commit, not saying 'we' and making decisions for him not you as a couple mean that you need to move on. And that hurts. Sooooo much. Investing yourself so much in a person does not mean you can forget him and what you had quickly though. So please let yourself grieve.

    Can I ask how involved he was with your kids? Just wondering whether he was involved with you or you and the kids (I hope that question didn't come out wrong).

    Eta. You are not stupid. In a relationship that goes both ways you expect there to be discussions on the future and decisions to be made as a couple. You were invested - he does not seem to be right now. He is in the wrong. He is stupid not you.
    Last edited by twinklify; 05-01-2016 at 17:30.

  9. #18
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    Sorry to be harsh, but here goes, you are not stupid (perhaps blinded by love), but you will be if you continue to want this man in your life.

    Please treat yourself with the respect that you deserve and move on. He has not ever treated you with respect and by the sounds of it he never will. I am sorry to say it, but it sounds like he has the best of both worlds. He lives the single life when he wants, and then has you pretty much at his beck and call when it suits him.

    Too much drama, too much history pointing to it not being right. Time to delete him from your contacts and focus on you and your kids.

  10. #19
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    I am very sorry that you find yourself in this situation, but I see nothing that suggests he is the one for you.

    perhaps you just want him to be?

  11. #20
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    I don't think you are stupid at all. I just think you want to find love and everyone deserves that. But I would be telling ol' Franko to hit the frog and toad. If a man hasn't told his folks about you in two years of dating, then he isn't ever gonna tell them. Be strong, you have gone through one huge break up with the children's father, move on and find a better man....they exist.


 

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