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  1. #1
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    Angry mothers miscariage 30 years ago. she still crying.

    I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy (8 weeks). I grieved a lot for about 3 weeks, then I fell pregnant again but even after that I was sad as I wanted my original baby back instead of the new one I was carrying. By about 4-5 months I had accepted my new pregnancy and all was well, I have not grieved my miscarriage much since.

    My mother has 2 daughters and has had one miscarriage in between (14 weeks gestation) She has also had at least 5 terminations because she was single at the time and did not use protection.

    When I had my first child she came to hospital and stated crying because she had a miscarriage back in the day.

    Now I am pregnant again and she is again getting teary about her miscarriage.

    I don't feel much sympathy for her however because of all the terminations she had before and after her miscarriage.

    The problem is the baby's gender, I am having all boys and she has all girls and she lost a boy back then.

    I am due to have this baby next month and I don't think I can handle her coming into the hospital and crying into my baby again because he is a boy and she never got a boy.

    Can someone please help me out there, is there something I am not saying to her that could bring her closure? I don't have must time or energy to be helping her emotional state but I want her to calm down and just move on.

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    I will add that she was not very sympathetic when I had my miscarriage, she said 'these things happen' and then said it's very normal thing, unlike hers which was already at a stage where baby looked real and had a gender.

    Does she want me to grieve with her? She is truly exhausting me with the way she is right now.

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    I have no time for that kind of emotional crap. If that were my mother I'd probably tell her she has her own issues and to take her crap elsewhere..

    You might have to find a nicer way to word it, but I don't think you have to just put up and shut up. Good luck to you

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    Fair enough if your miscarriage has been a trigger for her but she needs to stop being so selfish! I'd even tell her that and recommend a councilor because obviously she hasn't dealt with it after 30 years. How ridiculous that you have to put up with her crap!!

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    Do you have other issues with her behaviour in general? Is she an attention seeker by nature, or someone who likes to talk about themselves all the time?

    I must admit when I first saw your thread title I thought you might be being a bit cold and harsh, but taking all things into consideration (including when she dismissed your miscarriage and pretty much suggested her miscarriage was more significant), it paints a picture of a person who wants attention.

    I would tell her you are concerned that she is still so emotional after 30 years and that she needs to seek counselling in order to deal with these emotions. Tell her she needs to do this as you want the birth of your son to be happy and positive, and if she wants to bring up the subject of her lost son, to do so with a therapist. Voicing her emotions at a time when her daughter needs her support is not helpful or constructive.

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    yes she is, she is the kind of MIL who will lock my husband into an uncomfortable one way conversation telling him all her health problems, what scans her dr wants to have and what medication she is now on.

    When I went back to work full time she would tell me how hard she works around her house she can barely stay awake..

    she loves attention I think.

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    Default mothers miscariage 30 years ago. she still crying.

    ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post

    I would tell her you are concerned that she is still so emotional after 30 years and that she needs to seek counselling in order to deal with these emotions. Tell her she needs to do this as you want the birth of your son to be happy and positive, and if she wants to bring up the subject of her lost son, to do so with a therapist. Voicing her emotions at a time when her daughter needs her support is not helpful or constructive.
    Well said and agree 100%

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    I do think your mother is needing help with this. the other things you have said about her sharing her medical conditions, and her claiming her miscarriage was more important than your miscarriage. that seems very wrong. I will share something. my father passed away when I was only 11. I did cry and felt sadness when it happened, but I was rather surprised when I went into grief 29 years later. grief can be something that works in strange ways, but I do think, from what you have said, your mother is not grieving, so much as just seeking attention. ask her to seek professional help, and tell her to leave you out of her negative tales. hugs, marie.


 

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