+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    1,378
    Thanks
    1,610
    Thanked
    3,652
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Unhappy The dreaded question :(

    Ladies,
    I hate the question "when are you going to have children?"
    how do you answer it??
    It makes my gut sink when I get asked. I end up mumbling something different each time like : maybe next year....I'm not sure we want kids...I'm in no hurry so I'll let you know...
    how do you respond?
    p.s. Nobody knows we've been doing ivf.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    2,276
    Thanks
    2,362
    Thanked
    1,905
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I hated this too and started being really blunt in my answers One year my aunty or cousin asked on xmas day 'when are you going to have a baby' and I SNAPPED back 'when the ivf works'. Cue awkward stunned conversation. Wish I hadn't said it but I was jack of the intrusiveness. I also think that being honest about it might sometimes make people realize that it's a very personal question, there might be hidden pain for the person being asked and its none of anyone's business. I think most people ask thinking they're being polite without any extra thought. I've had ivf and even I've been guilty of asking people so do you think you might have kids someday 😁
    I guess you could say:
    - hmmm not sure about that pass the coleslaw please
    - would rather not discuss that pass the coleslaw please
    - we're actually having fertility treatment so I'd rather not discuss things right now
    - I know you are genuinely interested in my family but it's quite an intrusive question to ask people you know (very ambiguous they'll have no idea)
    - hopefully sometime in the future
    It's so awkward when ppl put you on the spot like that. I told people about our ivf that I probably wouldn't have just because I was on the spot and not sure how to respond.

  3. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    minigourmands  (03-01-2016),Tinachris  (02-01-2016),WaitRose  (02-01-2016),Wise Enough  (02-01-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Far North QLD
    Posts
    2,187
    Thanks
    1,803
    Thanked
    1,709
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default The dreaded question :(

    We were trying for 4 years before having dd & I used to hate this question! At the beginning I used to fob off the questions by saying things like 'maybe one day'. As the years went on I just found it easier to say to people we've been trying for a long time & doing ivf. Most people were fairly good when I said it but I did get a few insensitive things said (I don't think they realised how some things were said).

    It's such a hard question & such a personal one. After ttc for so long it's a question I make sure I don't ask anyone.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Rocky27 For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    2,060
    Thanks
    1,930
    Thanked
    1,488
    Reviews
    12
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default The dreaded question :(

    This isn't my section as I never did ivf but I did ttc dd for over 4 years so I have some experience of the pain this question can cause. I got to the point where I used to respond with "do you realise some people can't have children?" It usually elicits stunned silence from the asker but I live in hope that maybe it helped them to see how inappropriate their question was.

    Eta - I hope you don't mind my responding.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to BettyV For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    1,178
    Thanks
    1,413
    Thanked
    747
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Maybe something vague, like 'when the stars align', and change the subject? Some people have no idea it might be a sensitive question..

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to JustJaq For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016)

  10. #6
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Winner 2014 - Best Username

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,814
    Thanks
    6,773
    Thanked
    3,406
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/6/15Funniest Caption400 Posts in a week300 posts in a week
    I don't belong in this section though the question annoys me too!

    Recently I heard this response:

    Approximately 9 months after they are concieved.

  11. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to AdornedWithCats For This Useful Post:

    Corbes  (02-01-2016),JustJaq  (02-01-2016),minigourmands  (03-01-2016),Tinachris  (02-01-2016),Wise Enough  (02-01-2016)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    520
    Thanked
    713
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It's part of the classic list, all of which I find to be none of anyone's business:

    So when is he popping the question?
    So when are you getting married?
    Will there be a honeymoon baby?
    When are you having children?

    I just smiled and change the subject...

    My hubby told his boss that we were doing ivf... At a christmas function in front of all of his colleagues he (the drunk boss) asked me "are you feeling fertile?" I ignored him and he kept asking loudly until his partner shut him up. Thankfully as I probably would have got my dh fired if I responded how I wanted to.

    People don't mean it maliciously and you just need to try and remember it. It's still unpleasant though xx

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Olive Oil For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    43
    Thanked
    17
    Reviews
    0
    I used to ask this question until i too took 3.5yrs ttc ivf etc. I never ever ask this now.

    In the beginning of my ttc journey i used to say hopefully soon towards the end i just cried

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustUsFive For This Useful Post:

    minigourmands  (03-01-2016),Tinachris  (02-01-2016)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,283
    Thanks
    675
    Thanked
    659
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't belong in this section but I've had a miscarriage and a 'stillbirth'. People ask all the time when I'm having a second. I tell the truth - 'I had another son but he died three hours after birth'. If it achieves nothing else my hope is that the awkwardness of the moment may stop that particular person for asking something so stupid again.

  17. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sally1981 For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016),VicPark  (02-01-2016),Wise Enough  (02-01-2016)

  18. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    810
    Thanks
    274
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    At first I would just say something random then go away & have a cry, but eventually I started being honest & saying "actually I'm doing IVF right now so it might take a while".
    Turns out quite a few people I know we're also in the same situation so it ended up being better for me to be "out" - not feeling so alone.
    Of course then you get the nitwits giving advice like "take a holiday" or "just relax" but I found that easier to ignore!

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to rosey82 For This Useful Post:

    Tinachris  (02-01-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. CM question?
    By KittyDeFleur in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 28-05-2015, 20:20
  2. FTB B question
    By AngelicHobgoblin in forum General Chat
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 28-02-2015, 13:56
  3. Dreaded tww
    By Swirls22 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 19-01-2015, 07:16

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Cots on Bubhub
Looking to buy a cot or bassinet? :: Cot safety checklist :: Local or online nursery shops
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!