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  1. #121
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    Is there something about the OP's husband that other hubbers know more about than me? 🤔Because there seems to be a lot of perhaps unwarranted suspicion/accusation being directed at him! 🕵

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  3. #122
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    I don't know the OP's history, but I think this is what people are thinking is controlling.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    My husband had an issue with the lady's husband as he was sending me messages on Facebook late at night. He was told not to send me messages but still continued.

    I also told him and his wife not to message me and if the husband wants something to message or ring my husband.

    My husband finds it disrespectful if another man if messaging his wife at all hours.
    She said her husband had an issue with the messages, not she did (though maybe she did too). I don't know. Unless the friends hubby was hitting in her, I find it a bit odd the husband has taken offence. Especially if the messages were about the event??

    My DH wouldn't find it disrespectful if one of my friends DH's sent me messages. And I wouldn't expect my friends husbands to contact me via my husband. It's all a bit wired. But I'm guessing there may also be cultural differences at play.

  4. #123
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    I think OP you may need to clarify before people speculate further.

    Personally if a friend of mine was being standoff-ish, I would try and contact them and get to the bottom of it and apologise if I needed to.

    I hope you work it out.

  5. #124
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    I am not going to contact either of them. I happily went to their happy occasion and with my gift.

    It was her husband sending me messages and I won't repeat them and also actions we did that I don't approve of.

    My husband isn't trying to isolate me, I'm free to go where I like.

    I seriously don't think they valued the friendship or thought it was important, and only told me to do the guest seating because I wasn't going to the church.

    I'll be back to answer more if I have not already.

  6. #125
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    OP. You sound like a lovely lady however without knowing the content of the messages it seems like you are being paranoid and making assumptions left right and centre about your friends.

    On a side note, when you mentioned your friend AND her hubby couldn't message you and that your friends hubby had to message your hubby if he wanted something that's just weird and rude and smacks of your hubby being controlling.

    Not trying to be rude really I am not. Just find your lack of self reflection and insight frustrating. Apologies that I am frustrated.
    Last edited by VicPark; 19-01-2016 at 15:02.

  7. #126
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    OP I'll give my two cents and please note, I may be way off but as you haven't elaborated people are starting to now draw their own conclusions... Right or wrong, that's what's happened as you've added more to the original story.
    I think I know why you "won't say" what the messages were from the friend's husband; is it because they weren't directly inappropriate but your husband felt threatened by the man regardless? And you don't want to say that on here for fear of people bashing your husband and pulling you into a conversation you don't want to get into on here? I think based on this thread and what has come to light and past posts of yours regarding your husband (where you were quick to jump to his defense) that may be why people are assuming what they are... What I don't get, is why, if the husband was inappropriate towards you in messages, you would still attend the Christening with him present. Makes me think even more so that it is more of a case of your husband disapproving and not liking the correspondence full stop, regardless of the content.
    And OP, I think that what you are doing (if I'm correct, like I said, I may be wrong) is quite common and natural; I think you're defending your husband on here and justifying his behaviour because you're embarrassed and in a bit of denial and don't want to address that aspect of your life.
    You're backtracking and adding bits and pieces and this whole thread is going from an innocent question to delving deeper into an area you are obviously very uncomfortable with discussing.
    Please know, though... you will not be judged for your husband's behaviour and you shouldn't have to hide the true facts for fear of what people might say or think about you and your husband. I do understand why you'd want to, though. I hope you're Ok and that you realise that there is help out there.
    Take care.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 19-01-2016 at 14:55.

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  9. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    OP. You found like a lovely lady however without knowing the content of the messages it seems like you are being paranoid and making assumptions left right and centre about your friends.

    On a side note, when you mentioned your friend AND her hubby couldn't message you and that your friends hubby had to message your hubby if he wanted something that's just weird and rude and smacks of your hubby being controlling.

    Not trying to be rude really I am not. Just find your lack of self reflection and insight frustrating. Apologies that I am frustrated.
    Your not being rude at all and I have not taken offence to anyone in here at all.

    It's more of a respect thing, I do not message my friends husband and neither do they message mine. No matter how long the friendship has being going on for.

    I told the lady that I don't want her husband sending me messages. And I don't think she knows what the msgs were which is why she said she doesn't have an issue with it.

    I will see this lady again at the play group. I won't feel uncomfortable, will she? If she talks to me, I'll say hello. I'm sure our kids will run to each other.

  10. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    OP. You found like a lovely lady however without knowing the content of the messages it seems like you are being paranoid and making assumptions left right and centre about your friends.

    On a side note, when you mentioned your friend AND her hubby couldn't message you and that your friends hubby had to message your hubby if he wanted something that's just weird and rude and smacks of your hubby being controlling.

    Not trying to be rude really I am not. Just find your lack of self reflection and insight frustrating. Apologies that I am frustrated.
    Your not being rude at all and I have not taken offence to anyone in here at all.

    It's more of a respect thing, I do not message my friends husband and neither do they message mine. No matter how long the friendship has being going on for.

    I told the lady that I don't want her husband sending me messages. And I don't think she knows what the msgs were which is why she said she doesn't have an issue with it.

    I will see this lady again at the play group. I won't feel uncomfortable, will she? If she talks to me, I'll say hello. I'm sure our kids will run to each other.

  11. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    OP I'll give my two cents and please note, I may be way off but as you haven't elaborated people are starting to now draw their own conclusions... Right or wrong, that's what's happened as you've added more to the original story.
    I think I know why you "won't say" what the messages were from the friend's husband; is it because they weren't directly inappropriate but your husband felt threatened by the man regardless? And you don't want to say that on here for fear of people bashing your husband and pulling you into a conversation you don't want to get into on here? I think based on this thread and what has come to light and past posts of yours regarding your husband (where you were quick to jump to his defense) that may be why people are assuming what they are... What I don't get, is why, if the husband was inappropriate towards you in messages, you would still attend the Christening with him present. Makes me think even more so that it is more of a case of your husband disapproving and not liking the correspondence full stop, regardless of the content.
    And OP, I think that what you are doing (if I'm correct, like I said, I may be wrong) is quite common and natural; I think you're defending your husband on here and justifying his behaviour because you're embarrassed and in a bit of denial and don't want to address that aspect of your life.
    You're backtracking and adding bits and pieces and this whole thread is going from an innocent question to delving deeper into an area you are obviously very uncomfortable with discussing.
    Please know, though... you will not be judged for your husband's behaviour and you shouldn't have to hide the true facts for fear of what people might say or think about you and your husband. I do understand why you'd want to, though. I hope you're Ok and that you realise that there is help out there.
    Take care.
    I read everyone's messages and try to answer.

    My husband is a jelouse type. I never denied that. I'm younger his older. It's probably natural.

    I'm happy to answer anyone's questions. I have nothing to hide.

    The messages were not rude or dirty that the man was sending but it is still wrong to send messages to another mans wife. ( it's just a respect thing that we have) no offence to anyone.

    We can simply close the topic and I can ask a mod to close the thread. I'm happy either way.

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  13. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    It's more of a respect thing, I do not message my friends husband and neither do they message mine. No matter how long the friendship has being going on for.

    I told the lady that I don't want her husband sending me messages. And I don't think she knows what the msgs were which is why she said she doesn't have an issue with it.
    .
    OP it must be a cultural thing. In my circle of friends and relatives it's ok to message a friends spouse as long as there is some type of purpose and it's not sexual or inappropriate. And it would be seen as very (very) rude to ask a friend and her hubby to stop messaging me unless there was some type of extreme content to he messages.

    Once again it's hard to offer tailored advice without knowing specifically what the messages were about. That being said with what you mentioned in your last post (messages not being rude or sexual) ... then you need to consider that your views are likely in the minority in Australian society and your (and your hubby's) actions would likely be seen as very (very) rude (end of friendship type rude) by a majority.
    Last edited by VicPark; 19-01-2016 at 15:48.

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