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  1. #111
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Had you asked her to tell her husband not to message you before the Christening? Before or after you were invited?

  2. #112
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    This is all really odd. If the nature of the husbands messages was off I can't see why you'd want to continue a friendship anyway. Otherwise if they were just friendly messages (which I'm getting the impression they were and you and your husband are taking offence due to the fact he's a guy), I don't see the issue.

    I frequently message the husband's of my friends, we're all good friends. We talk about catching up with our families, the shooting range, anything really.

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  4. #113
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    I did mention if I get to the hall on time I will do it, I didn't promise I would. I hate using the word hall in this as it wasn't a hall.
    It's hard to comment as details keep getting added/changed. Earlier on you stated you don't think a guest should be asked to do this job. My perception is they were wanting to include you and share in their special day - either way you agreed so in their eyes you made a commitment.

    Whether you promised to or not, it still wouldn't hurt to acknowledge the fact that you were late and unable to do this thing they asked.

    I suspect the fact that you were invited to do this role is the reason that you were given some specific requests about what to wear, and indicates that you were considered a special friend with an important role in what is a very meaningful day.

    If you add the fact that your husband has had words with her husband and then didn't show at the christening, I think this whole chain of events would be very confusing.

    So yes, I can see why she would be hurt.

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  6. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    No, her Facebook msg had a cold feeling to it. It's ok. I don't mind. I've done nothing wrong.
    im a bit confused. Obviously they wanted you to be part of it.. so they must consider you to be a close/good friend but it's not the impression i get from you to them..? why would you even go to the event if them being upset doesn't bother you ? do you not like them??

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    I'm confused was the husband hitting on you etc? If not I don't find it weird to get messages. I inbox DHs friends all time about things - kids, life, blah blah.

    I would be upset if you didn't help. It seems unreliable. U might not known her long but maybe she cherished your friendship more than you did

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    I think perhaps you are both not on the same page in regards to your friendship and this has all come to light with the christening. I would get together, even with the husbands and hash it out. Not fair on either party how it is at the moment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkers View Post
    I think perhaps you are both not on the same page in regards to your friendship and this has all come to light with the christening. I would get together, even with the husbands and hash it out. Not fair on either party how it is at the moment.
    I agree with this. If I were her I would be confused. If her husband is hitting on you and you've asked him not to message you, wouldn't she be upset at her DH? If it's just that he is male and your DH doesn't like you talking to other males in any way shape or form, then perhaps your friend is upset that this is the case.

    It is possible for men and women to be just friends without it being anything more. I'm not sure your husband understands this.

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  12. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    The msgs were private not public and I won't repeat them

    .
    That's a pity as I think hubbers could give some good advice based on the content of the messages. To me, the content of the messages is the difference between:
    1) the other hubby being a dirty rude perve, you being far too understanding and you/DH having the right to be upset and
    2) you being overly sensitive/your hubby being overly controlling & rude and the other couple having the right to be upset

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    I'm also finding the story really hard to follow along. as others have said, details keep being added that change the context of what happened.

    OP, can you just confirm whether the husband's messages to you were of an inappropriate/offensive/suggestive/sexual nature? there was obviously something he was doing that was enough to make your husband and you feel uncomfortable. that said, maybe your hubby is just weird about other men messaging you in a private forum, the messages themselves may well have been innocent.

    from what I can understand of the situation, and based on the facts as they currently stand, it sounds as though you and your husbands behaviour has put a dampener on the friendship a bit. the woman is probably a bit offended and has pulled back.

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  16. #120
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    my gut feeling on all this is as follows:

    you've each got a different take on the friendship. they obviously see you as a valued friend as they've asked you to be a part of their child's special day. you mustn't rate this couple that highly as friends and have approached it all too casually and it's caused offence. they took your agreeance to doing the job that was asked of you as a firm commitment whereas you only saw it as a maybe thing, like if it suits. this has caused the other couple to get offended (and I'd be a bit offended too if I was in their shoes)

    your hubby is jealous that another man is messaging you and has told you to put the kibosh on the friendship. he's engineered this so you'll look bad and make the other couple want to give you a wide berth.

    I think (and I may be way off here) that your hubby is the cause of the issue here. he's controlling you and telling you what to do. you've done as he's told and it's causing rifts in friendships, which is his goal as he wants you isolated from these people.

    so the friends are offended and giving you a wide berth, your hubby is satisfied as he's got rid of the "competition" and you're not really sure where you stand in all this.

    now am I right or am I right?

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