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  1. #1
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    Default Wwyd - telling siblings

    Hi ladies. I'm 22 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. I have a 3 year old DS1 and DS2 was stillborn at 22 weeks in March.

    I still feel like I'm preparing for the death of another one of my children, not a birth. They have no idea what was wrong with ds2 so I have no idea how likely I am to lose this baby.

    My question is - is it a bad idea to just not tell DS1 he might be getting a sister? Just hopefully present him with a sibling one day?

    He already knows he had a brother who died. The one thing I'm thankful for is that I never told him I was pregnant, so although he knows about DS2 now, he never had the disappointment of realising he wasn't coming home.

    I feel like it's better not to tell him about this pregnancy, than to tell him and risk having to tell him another one of his siblings has died.

    What do you think?

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    AdornedWithCats  (30-12-2015)

  3. #2
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    I'd go with your gut instinct tbh.

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    Sally1981  (30-12-2015)

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    Congratulations and my condolences for the loss of you DS2.

    I think you need to find a way to tell DS1 about this pregnancy and your DD.

    Children are very perceptive so I believe he will actually work it out himself and then feel very confused about why you are not telling him. Tell him simply and honestly what is happening in his family. If you don't feel confident that you will be bringing this baby home then don't make that promise to him yet. Just tell him the truth which is that you are growing a little baby in your tummy and you really hope that she will come and live with you all when she is big enough to be born. If you keep it all from him the shock of a new sibling coming home with no warning will be pretty intense for him and might lead to a rocky first few months with bub at home.

    Good luck. Xxx

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  7. #4
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    Thanks guys. There's so much to deal with with this pregnancy. I don't even know where to start.

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    Ohh @Sally1981 congratulations!! I remember a little of your story with your son. I am so incredibly happy for you.
    Inregards to your question, personally I probably wouldn't say a great deal about it to your son right now. Maybe when your about 36 weeks start mentioning it?
    We had our second baby when ds was just short of 4 and to be completly honest he still didn't really get it or care all that much untill baby got here and all the build up etc we did really just frustrated him as anything beyond a few weeks for him was too far into the future.
    But at the end of the day, you know your child best (and each child is so different) so follow what you feel is best for him.
    Good luck with everything xx

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    Sally1981  (01-01-2016)

  10. #6
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    @Sally1981 I have no advice for you re telling your son (it's a really tricky dilemma), but I remember your story and your beautiful boy and I think of you often. Congrats on your pregnancy and I wish you a smooth and joyful pregnancy and birth. Xx

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    Sally1981  (01-01-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Thanks guys. There's so much to deal with with this pregnancy. I don't even know where to start.
    Oh gosh I'm sorry. I can't even imagine. I think the key is to just start small. Just get through each day. Are your caregivers giving you the support you need? I really hope the next 20 weeks go by very quickly for you. Much love. Xxx

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    Sally1981  (01-01-2016)

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    Default Wwyd - telling siblings

    Quote Originally Posted by jb23 View Post
    Ohh @Sally1981 congratulations!! I remember a little of your story with your son. I am so incredibly happy for you.
    Inregards to your question, personally I probably wouldn't say a great deal about it to your son right now. Maybe when your about 36 weeks start mentioning it?
    We had our second baby when ds was just short of 4 and to be completly honest he still didn't really get it or care all that much untill baby got here and all the build up etc we did really just frustrated him as anything beyond a few weeks for him was too far into the future.
    But at the end of the day, you know your child best (and each child is so different) so follow what you feel is best for him.
    Good luck with everything xx
    This is what I was planning on doing Sally. I know your son is slightly older than mine so he may notice your body changing but their concept of time is so different from ours that I wasn't planning on saying anything to him until my last few weeks, maybe even last two weeks! I don't really see the point in starting now, May is such a long way off for them. I have bought I couple picture books that talk about babies and I was thinking of getting him a little doll and cheap stroller just to kind of get the baby idea in his head but not planning on mentioning a sibling for quite a while. Maybe as your pregnancy progresses you'll begin to feel more comfortable discussing it with him, especially once you're in that final stretch. It's hard for us to feel any sort of confidence right now since we aren't even feeling them move regularly yet. I think try not to stress about it right now and reassess in a few months. X

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  16. #9
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    Thanks ladies, I that's all good advice. Hopefully I'll get to 38 weeks and maybe talk to him about it then.


 

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