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  1. #1
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    Default I think I'm doing 'return to bed' wrong?

    Hi all... I transitioned my 20 mo out of a cot recently as we had terrible troubles and seemed to get really angry at the cot we I put him down. He loves his toddler bed but for two weeks it has taken between 50 and 100 returns to get him to sleep.
    i'll describe process
    - bath, teeth brush, stories then a kiss and a cuddle and to bed between 7 and 7.30
    then I leave the room and stand outside his door.
    DS then just comes to the door to get my hand to take him back to bed...again...and again. Process has been taking 1.5 hours. When I put him back he won't settle enough for me to even tuck him in.
    I've been trying for about two weeks now and at about 1 hour in when DS puts his head on my shoulder when I put him to bed if I sit with him for 5 mins he will go to sleep - out of exhaustion!
    can someone tell me where I am going wrong?

    thanks

  2. #2
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    From my experience with DD aged 2 there is no one way to do it 'right'. It is just whatever works for your child that night or that week. For us what 'works' changes often!

    We accepted long ago that there isn't going to be a simple kiss, cuddle and go to sleep. We aim for it every night but she will usually be up within 20 minutes and so we then go to plan B which is generally to lay with her while she goes to sleep.

    She sometimes will go to sleep by herself, especially if she is utterly exhausted, but accepting that she is just 2 and not a robot helps us to just do whatever works for now, knowing it won't be forever.

    Have you tried staying with your DS until he goes to sleep after he is up once or twice instead of doing it after an hour? Seems the end result is the same so it might save you your sanity and some time at night that you can then spend doing what you want to do!

  3. #3
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    I agree with PP, mt son is 17 months and i too have to lay with him until hes asleep (jlhes also in a toddler bed) otherwise its a game of peek a boo with the door.
    Im wanting to start getting him to stay in his bed all night if i possibly can as arounf 11-12 he will cine and get into olmy bed fmuntil 5:30am..
    I think with kidsits all hit and miss

  4. #4
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    We tried the return to bed thing with our almost 3yo but honestly it just ended in tears for both of us. Now, we lie with her and tell her one story, sing her one song, then we have to lie quietly and listen to the crickets and if she wants me to, I'll rub her back or tummy until she falls asleep. It can take 45 or so minutes to get her to sleep but it's relatively peaceful, unlike constantly returning her to bed which has us both on edge.
    Whatever you do, try to keep it consistent so he knows what comes next in the routine.
    Good luck!

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  6. #5
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    We've only just put DS in a bed now at 2yrs 9mths.
    We tried an earlier transition with DD2 and it went pear shaped with her getting out all the time so we put her back in the cot for another 6mths.

    With DS we waited & its been a dream. He stays in his bed all night

  7. #6
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    Could you just sit with him initially until he falls asleep?

  8. #7
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    Thanks for all the replies - I am now wondering - when I am first starting at 7/7.30 could it be too early? At this point I can't just sit with him - he won't stay in bed! Last night we had visitors so I let him keep going til about 8.30 (it was just too exciting) and he dropped off in 5 mins at bedtime - with a smile on his face! DS still has a 2 hour nap during the day.
    thanks

  9. #8
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    What time does your toddler get up in the morning and what time is the day nap?

    (My first thought is that your toddler is not tired enough due to the long day nap).

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    Perhaps don't hold your child's hand on the way back to bed - let them walk back on their own and avoid giving them attention whether it be physical or verbal.

    Supernanny technique:
    First time say: " it's bedtime darling"
    Second time say: "bedtime"
    Third time say nothing. Don't engage your child by touching/holding/looking them in the eye etc.

  11. #10
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    Honestly I think he's too young to be in a bed / understand staying in one (well understanding quickly and easily.... You could be up for weeks of trying to keep him in his bed).

    I would only transition a kid that young if he was climbing out of his cot and it was dangerous for them to stay in the cot.

    We have a gro clock with DD and we used it for a week while she was in her cot to teach the concept. Then she want into her big girl bed and didn't ever come out of it because we kept the cot in her room and told her if she got out of her bed, she would have to sleep in her cot. But she was 3 and I think 20 months might be too young for that to work.

    Can you put him back in his cot?

    Otherwise I agree with VicPark and follow the super nanny technique. It sounds like he thinks what you're doing is playing a game. I would also close the door behind you and walk away to your lounge or kitchen. If you're standing right out the door with it open, it's not really giving a clear signal it's bed time and he's not to get up.


 

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