Moved to a country town in Qld. The heat is unbearable and there is no air con in the new rental. Just ceiling fans.
Kids aren't settling into daycare as well as I'd hoped. The centre is lovely but the kids aren't taking to it. ("Maaaaa! *sob* I REALLY don't want to go to KINDY!!!! PLEASE! I'll just die there!!!" *sob* <- 3 year old's remonstrations four days a week).
Husband hates new house. After dilly-dallying around the rental market, I finally put my foot down and applied for a Queenslander because the temporary accommodation was wearing thin. I got the house. It stands high, is spacious and the floors are wooden. But the agency managing the property is beyond awful (the girl managing the property is young, inexperienced and argumentative). And husband hates the house.
The blues started on Christmas Day.
I woke up feeling this wave of sadness hit me, this feeling of wanting to cry and hopeless at the same time but I held it off and continued to hold it at bay all day. The kids weren't really interested in Christmas...they're still very young....the heat was stifling and I was very aware that we were on our own. I thought of all the people out there surrounded by family and friends. Never a good idea to compare when you're feeling down.
This is the third big move we have undertaken in as many years. We moved to SA to be near the kids' grandparents...that was a waste of time...and employment was always variable, opportunities were thin on the ground and eventually we thought, well we'll move to Qld.
So it's back to a small fridge until we can afford to get a big one. Laundromat every Tuesday until we get a washing machine (I actually don't mind the laundromat. It's quite therapeutic actually). Starting from scratch. Again.
I know nobody and have no real outlet at present. And I often wonder why I wasted so much of my life and how I really haven't amounted to much. My husband is always angry - even when he's not saying anything you can feel his energy - the kids are unsettled and do you think I can find a portable air-conditioner so as to be able to get some relief at night? Lol.
It sounds self indulgent, I know. And things could be worse. But they're still my feelings and I don't know how to make things better.