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  1. #31
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    OP i can understand why you would be a bit peeved. While i totally agree that it is brilliant encouraging children to speak another language, at such a young age it should be up to the parents. However, it would be quite strange to teach a child another language that the parents dont speak, or never use themselves.
    In a way and it depends on the dynamics, i would find it quite rude of the grandparents as i would feel as though it is pushing the child into something because it is their decision, same with things such as religion and opinions and beliefs etc. Parents should always be consulted IMHO.

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  3. #32
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I'd love it. I'm very sad that my European grandparents both passed away before my second baby was born as I'd have loved for them to have shared the language with my kids.
    The situation you've described would've have offended or bothered me in the slightest, in fact I'd be encouraging it and feel proud 😃

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    I'm going to go against the grain here. My in laws do this and it annoys me. I don't understand what they are saying and no one translates for me and I find it really rude. I wouldn't mind if someone translated for me but no one does, not even DH unless I remind him to.

    My relationship with my in laws is not great thought, MIL straight out told DH she didn't want him to marry me when we got engaged. Maybe if it was a better more trusting relationship I wouldn't mind but MIL says nasty things about me right in front of me so I've no doubt she'd say it to DD in another language.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    do you not think it could be taken by my sisters dh as being excluding?

    not sure how much the bub will really learn in another language but I guess they're trying to ensure he's at least exposed to it and maybe picks up some basic understanding.
    To answer these questions when DHs family do this in front of me I find it very excluding; if someone bothered to translate it wouldn't be so bad but they don't and it feels cr@ppy.

    Also since MIL is the one hell bent on it and she doesn't see DD that much DD hadn't picked up much. I think the child really needs a lot of exposure to a second language to pick it up.

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    For those that feel excluded, why don't you learn the language?

    It's a chance to marry in a bilingual family... Embrace it! 😊

    I read a study about mothers tongue being the language of love. I find it so true. I can't speak in English to my kids and husband when I'm being affectionate, it reverts back to French naturally.
    On Christmas Day I would be so sad and taken aback if I was being told to address my grand kids in English only.

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  11. #36
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    I wish my grandparents did this. They would speak danish to each other and sometimes with my dad but never to me, I only understand a few words and phrases and have always wished my dad and grandparents had been more interested in passing it on to me when I was younger, you learn so easily then. I have many friends with either a partner where English is not their first language or where it is the case for the grandparents and nobody is ever bothered by it, I think it's important to pass on our heritages. If they were doing it in a way that seemed like they were talking behind your DH or BIL's back I would understand your annoyance, but just in general I don't see an issue.

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    I don't understand how it's exclusion when they were just having a conversation with the child. It's exclusion when everyone only speaks the other language the whole time without ever bothering to translate.
    It bothers me that my kids had the chance to be bilingual but no one would speak to them in anything but english. It's such a huge waste.

    Excusemyfrench - I tried to learn my DH's first language...but it is hard and really time consuming to learn a language as an adult...and DH wasn't particularly helpful when I was trying to learn so I stopped.
    Last edited by Full House; 27-12-2015 at 06:47.

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  15. #38
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    Default grandparents talking in a different language: wdyt

    I think it's a fantastic thing and it will ensure your nephew has not only cultural heritage but the gift of being bi-lingual! In this day and age that will open so many doors for him.

    I wasn't taught my heritage language for a variety of reasons and I now feel stunted and unable to communicate with family in Eastern Europe. When my mum passes so will my links with that family. When I think how much I missed that skill I couldn't cry.

    My DD has grandparents who speak another language to her and I encourage it. I also make her Dad speak it to her at home even tho I can't. She'll be more educated for it and it keeps her heritage alive.

    PLEASE don't discourage it. Another language is the best free gift a family can give children!!

    I also feel that it would be very rude to ask grandparents to only speak English to their grandchild. As elders of the family that's their language of choice and it can't harm him. Be proud of your heritage. It's what family is built on.
    Last edited by amiracle4me; 27-12-2015 at 06:46.

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  17. #39
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    I had a think about this. So, your parents speak English pretty much 99% of the time to everyone and just brought out the natove tongue randomly on Christmas? And only to the kids? If so, I totally see your point.

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    My dh was never taught to speak the languages of either of his parents, only English as he was born here, but mil occasionally speaks to our children in her native language, I'm not a fan of then being fluent as I feel she would say bad things to them about me (she's always at dh about how she doesn't like me). Even after 9 years of the occasional sentences she says dss still doesn't know what she says

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