How are you going, @Gracie's Mum?
We often comment that we are tempting fate with our marriage. He ha a job that is known for an extremely high divorce rate, plus we have a (and possibly two, still in assessment) special needs child which comes with its own horrible statistics. We had 4 children in under 4.5 years. We are also the couple that moved 10 hours away from family. We completely cut my entire side of the family out. But really, we have a decent marriage. We have little tiffs here and there but they are rare enough that they are an unusual event when they happen.
Our biggest problems are that I have zero libido. None at all for over 2 years. So we are trying to work out how to fix that.
I also have never really liked any affection, kisses & cuddles etc, which he loves so we have an imbalance there.
My severe social anxiety and few other quirks can be frustrating for him. But he is supportive.
I think the common theme here is that I am the problem one haha.
We have been poor and lost and drowning in debt which isn't ever good for anything but we are out of that phase now and doing well.
He had a job that had him working 16 hours a day/7 days a week and that stressed us.
We had one of my bridesmaids try to hit on him constantly and "out-wife" me. I was pregnant and she came across as nice by offering to help him with dishes etc but it was clear as day it was to show him how domesticated she was. And he was blinded by it. Not with malice, he just didn't see it at all. But obviously I did, (and the rest of his family..) and that mixed with hormones didn't land us in a great place.
He's a good bloke though. I am very lucky.
DH and I have been together for just over 8 years and married for coming up to 5 years. In the first 7 years of our relationship he worked overseas. He would be gone 2-3 months and home for a week. Depending on where he was deployed we often only managed one 20 minute sat phone call a week.
While he worked overseas
- we did 4 years of IVF.
- had a miscarriage
- DS2 (dh's first) was born
- my mum had a serious health event leaving her on life support in a drug induced coma for 8 weeks, another 12 weeks in hospital and then living with us for 12 months. She needed daily assistance and was very critical of DH in the limited time he was home.
- in order for DH to be at home with us we had to transfer interstate. I had to leave my job.
- we are living 1000's of kms away from family and any sort of support.
- we have just discovered I am pregnant naturally at 42. This means the house we bought to live in for a couple of years only (whilst I was a sahm) will now be our home much longer than we expected or wanted. As much as we are very happy about another child, financially for the future it has really knocked us around. This is causing some serious stress at the moment.
DH and I don't have a perfect relationship. In particular living apart for so long has lead to some serious problems - especially with DH being very selfish and accustomed to essentially living a single life.
Despite his faults I love him. I expect he would say the same thing 😏
The length of time it took for him to realise that even if its only online, it's still cheating, and then finding out it wasn't only online.
Ya, that was difficult.
Its only been a year, so things still aren't 100%.
2. Lack of help/communication.
This one is ongoing.
This is a really interesting thread...
We have been through so much...
- long distance relationship (international)
- financial issues
- mistrust about money
- family issues
- online flirting (on his behalf)
- a crazy stalker friend of mine who put me on edge and I'm only realizing the affect it has had on my whole life and relationships.
- postnatal depression
- weight gain
- parental guilt
- no s*x life
We are at a standstill in our relationship and to be honest I'm not sure we will get through it. I'm not sure if I'm in love any more and that's really difficult.
More than it should because of other people's meddling
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!