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  1. #21
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    Ok I'm rehashing this thread because friend in question has really hurt me today so I'm done.
    I saw her at xmas - all ok. Superficial but ok.
    My dog died last night very suddenly. He was almost 12. She is MASSIVE dog lover. I texted her to tell her and 2hrs later I get this response: 'poor xyz'. No I'm sorry, no wtf happened (he wasn't sick), nothing. Considering she treats her own dog like a proper fur-child and her dog is her life this is so freaking callous.
    So I don't know if I should just never contact her again. Or send her a text along the lines of 'clearly our friendship has deteriorated since the birth of my DD which is sad but let's just leave it here, I wish you happiness in the future.'

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    Honestly...
    I lost MOST of my friends once having my kids. My best friend even. Your life changes so dramatically when u have kids and if your friends don't have kids your lives take very different paths. This is unfortunate but its just life. You all of a sudden stop going out due to pregnancy or newborn babies and you swap pubs and clubs for play centers and baby change rooms. Your life becomes consumed with the baby (as it should) and you don't have so much in common with friends who don't want/like/have kids.

    It can be very hard but I have made some new friends since having kids that I don't really miss my old friends anymore.

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  4. #23
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    Wow this is harsh. I'd call her up on it and then let go.

    I'm sorry you lost your dog 😞

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    gingermillie  (16-01-2016)

  6. #24
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    I would just move on. You lose so many friends when you have babies and they don't. It's hard and it hurts, but it's also really normal.

    Will sending the text make you feel better? Or just that little bit worse? I don't take any pleasure calling people out on bad behaviour anymore. Usually they just don't see it and you wind up looking over sensitive yourself.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Will sending the text make you feel better? Or just that little bit worse? I don't take any pleasure calling people out on bad behaviour anymore. Usually they just don't see it and you wind up looking over sensitive yourself.
    This is exactly how I feel. Well, philosophically I don't necessarily feel like it's my 'right' to monitor other people's behaviour, and I know I'm perched on a lonely ledge there, but - these conversations rarely go well IMO.

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    Ok I'm rehashing this thread because friend in question has really hurt me today so I'm done.
    I saw her at xmas - all ok. Superficial but ok.
    My dog died last night very suddenly. He was almost 12. She is MASSIVE dog lover. I texted her to tell her and 2hrs later I get this response: 'poor xyz'. No I'm sorry, no wtf happened (he wasn't sick), nothing. Considering she treats her own dog like a proper fur-child and her dog is her life this is so freaking callous.
    So I don't know if I should just never contact her again. Or send her a text along the lines of 'clearly our friendship has deteriorated since the birth of my DD which is sad but let's just leave it here, I wish you happiness in the future.'

    I would just let it go and not bother sending a text. It seems a little like you're the only one trying to keep the friendship alive anyway. Other than the dog text (which was just really horrible of her - not offering a heartfelt condolence when something like that happens is just plain nasty) it seems to me like she's a bit jealous.

    Look, in all honesty, my best friend had a baby 18 months ago. I've felt jealous. Not of her having a baby, but of the loss of our previous friendship. We're still best friends, we still see each other all the time, but I admit I do grieve a bit for the old dynamics, where we could sit and drink champagne all day and jump in a cab and go wherever we want. Where we could talk non-stop for 15 hours and not have a small child interrupting us. But I would NEVER say that to her (she's said it herself a couple of times, but I wouldn't!). I would NEVER make the type of comments your friend has made. I acknowledge that her life is different now because she has a baby and I'm willing to fit into that adapted life. When she sends me a picture of her baby I coo and gush over her. I'm her best friend, that's what you do. And do you know what? When I send her photos of my ducks, dogs, chickens or cat - she gushes over them too!

    I have several friends who will never be having children, don't like children and are very happy to be childless by choice. I absolutely expect that if I have a baby I will likely lose them as friends. I basically assume they wont really want to hang around me because our lives will be in totally different places, and I understand.

    I'm not one to hold onto friendships just because they've been my friend for X number of years. Some friends come and go because we're in different stages of our lives or have different interests, and that's ok.

    PS I'm so sorry about your dog, losing fur kids is horribly hard

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    Time to find some new and better friends.

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  14. #28
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    Thanks for all the replies everyone. As the day wore on and overnight I was so upset about her response (which can I clarify was 'poor dog' not 'poor gingermillie' I don't think that was clear in my post sorry). I know that the friendship is over but also I needed to say something or it would eat me up for a while and I don't have the mental energy for that.
    I sent a polite message saying basically that due to the longevity of our friendship I felt an explanation was warranted as to why I wouldn't be pursuing our relationship anymore. I said it was obvious she wasn't interested in my life and that I has distanced myself and that I was very hurt by the lack of compassion about my dog and wished her a happy life. No digs, attacks or details just that.
    I just hope there's no nasty message or tit for tat. Which I won't be engaging in. I needed to say something rather than just let it hang forever so I could have 'closure'.
    I have so much going on right now I don't need this emotional stress adding to it 😢 and I'm grieving the loss of a 25+ year friendship even though the last 12 months of it have been really crappy. Onwards and upwards. Thanks all 😘

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  16. #29
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    Well done @gingermillie I've just had to do a very similar thing. She might send a nasty message back or act as though you're the problem, not her, but don't let it eat you up. Just leave it at that and know you've done the right thing in the situation. Hugs.

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    To be honest sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. I think maybe you have outgrown the friendship...your friendships seem to change as your priorities change. After I had kids, I didn't get invited to many things from childless friends. I am sorry about the loss of your dog, I am a dog lover as well, and my pooch is a much loved family member.

    Don't put any more effort into your friendship, you seem like a lovely person, your friend sounds negative and horrid...as you said onwards and upwards.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 16-01-2016 at 17:33.

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