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  1. #11
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    Default WWYD friend issues?

    Did she always say things like that about kids, before your little one came along? Or has it become harsher?

    I'm wondering if she's feeling that she's been replaced by your Bub. And of course she has, as quite rightly no one takes precedence over your kids, but maybe she's struggling with that and doesn't know how to express it? Or maybe she's jealous of what you have in your life. One of my best friends was always having digs at me when I started dating my now DH. It's true that I did have less time for her...that's life...it evolves like that.

    If you want to save the friendship then maybe try to make a little alone time with her if you can. If it doesn't help, then I would let the friendship slide though.

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    gingermillie  (18-12-2015)

  3. #12
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    I lost a long term friendship after having kids. This friend just didn't get it at all, and whilst not quite as rude as your friend, it was not visiting my last baby until they were a month old, despite me living 5 minutes from her work, and then leaving after 5 minutes that really showed how far our friendship had drifted.
    It's been 5 years...I don't miss her at all.

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    gingermillie  (18-12-2015)

  5. #13
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    Jealous. For sure. It's really hard to be single in your 30's and someone else having the house the man and the baby would really bring out the green eyed monster in a big way.

    But regardless she's being juvenile and it's upsetting you so for the sake of the friendship you have to say to her "it's hurt my feelings that you aren't more interested in my baby.
    Even if you aren't into babies as my friend I'd appreciate a little more effort".

    If things don't improve, let it go.

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    gingermillie  (18-12-2015)

  7. #14
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    ...and fwiw I've got a very good friend I've known for many years who still hasn't met DS (he's 7 months next week). I'm fairly certain it's because she wants a baby and her boyfriend is a douche canoe who needs to man up and put a ring on it.

    So I'm just letting it slide and letting her know I'm around. But what you are talking about is a bit more than that, actively being a bit rude with all the pointed comments.

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  9. #15
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    @gingermillie She sounds like hard work. Let it go. People change and we take different paths. She may have reasons, two sides to every story. I avoid facebook because we have secondary infertility. Proud parents flooding the web with preg and baby pics makes me upset, so I avoid it. Thats my problem not theirs, and I don't make it theirs. Keep doing what you're doing, and being who you are. She is missing out, not you..

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  11. #16
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    Generally I'd say you shouldn't let it go without saying anything, more for yourself then her, just to have some closure.
    I've let a friend of over 20years go recently, and you know what after the sort of grieving the friendship is over, I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders, such a relief to not have such negativity in my life.

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  13. #17
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    Default WWYD friend issues?

    Maybe she's jealous? Maybe she wishes that she has what you have and so the best way to fake that she feels like that is to make others feel like she 'hates kids' etc etc.

    I wouldn't ditch the friendship but I'd back off. If she loves you she'll want to be your friend no matter what you have in your life.

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    gingermillie  (18-12-2015)

  15. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Ask yourself what you are getting out of this friendship bc it doesn't sound like anything positive. It's one thing to not want children, or be a fan of kids. It's another to constantly point out to your friend with a baby that you hate kids, that you don't want their kids near you. It's kind of hard not to take it personally.

    I'd be deleting her number and letting the friendship die.
    Couldn't agree more.
    If you don't want to raise the issue with her, then honestly i would let the friendship fizzle. But i am harsh like that. Its takes too much effort and energy constantly trying to please and figure out people like this.
    Your energy and time is much better spent on your beautiful DD and your life.

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  17. #19
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    Sounds like she's an above the surface friend not a true one.

    Real friends show an interest in how their friend is going - they don't have to crap on all day with boring baby talk if they don't like kids - but they show an interest and make an effort.

    If it were me I would call her out when she's rude or inconsiderate and see what her reaction is. I would base my continuance of the friendship on her reaction.

    Eg
    friend: "when are you going to be ready to go to lunch without the baby?"
    Response: "not sure. When are you going to be prepared to go to lunch with your good friend and her baby?"

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  19. #20
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    Thanks everyone for your advice and reading my essay I appreciate it! @VicPark I have been thinking of calling out a comment when it happens. I have done this before (before bub so about other things) and she's seemed surprised and backtracked.
    I'll see how the catch up goes next week.
    I have been letting things fizzle it's what I do when I'm feeling hurt. If she directly asks if something is up I'll definitely be honest.
    It is hard work with her. The first time she met my DH she was incredibly rude and point blank ignored him as he tried to speak to her (she didn't even say hello). It took DH a good couple of years to move past that to a point where he is actively a part of our friendship.
    I've put the effort in because we have such a history together. Aside from family she's known me the longest and we've been through a lot together but this past year but especially since my DD was born we have moved way apart which is sad. I can actually see her possibly having a child in a few years time and if that does happen I'm sure she'll reflect back on how sh!tty she's behaved but whether we're still friends remains to be seen.
    Thanks again everyone 😘


 

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