Hi all, got an issue that's been bothering me a few months now and hoping for some BH expert advice! This is going to be long thanks to anyone who gets to the end lol.
I have a friend who I've been friends with for 25+ years. Wow that makes me feel old. She is 34 (I'm 33) single with no kids. I've seen her twice since DD was born 5.5 months ago. She always says she 'hates kids' but has nephews she loves and babysits so I wonder if it's just me having a baby that she 'hates'.
She's said some hurtful things while I was pregnant and since having DD. Little digs like 'I couldn't think of anything worse than having a baby', 'I hate going to restaurants and having my dinner ruined by kids around just leave them at home', 'just visited so and so couldn't wait to get out of there her DD was so annoying' etc etc. I don't think I am being over-sensitive these comments were said in a really 'pointed' way. Always taking the opportunity to say this negative crap about how awful kids are.
She never showed any interest at all in my pregnancy. That doesn't bother me so much but a simple how's it all going once or twice would have been nice. I told her that we were asking close people to have whooping cough vax before DD was born (actually only asked her, my parents and brother). She declined as she doesn't like needles. Fair enough so I asked her not to visit til DD had her first vax at 6 weeks.
DD was prem and unwell and I really struggled the first 3 months with her being sick, me needing surgery, us both having colds, reflux etc. during this time I had mentioned DD being sick and struggling and instead of asking what was wrong or anything the response I got was 'as if I'm ever going to have kids haha'. DD is 24 weeks old and I last saw her when she was 14 weeks old.
In 5.5 months I have probably sent her 2-3 photos of DD by phone. The last one she didn't even acknowledge yet a few days later sends me a photo of some new furniture she got. I don't expect gushing but show SOME interest.
When DD was about 6 weeks old she sent me a message saying let me know when you're ready to go out for lunch without the baby. I thought that was distasteful but just said it would be a while as DD is ebf.
She always has to have a dig, most recently it was when she randomly asked if I was getting any sleep and I said 'I think one night I had about 6hrs' which she made a joke of.
She clearly has zero interest in my DD. My DD is obviously a massive part of my life. I love her more than I thought possible. I have lots of other friends without kids and sure I'm not seeing them as much as usual because I've found it really hard to get on my feet and into a groove but I've still caught up with them and not let anyone down. We're pretty flexible with DD in that we go out with her and happy to have people over anytime.
So I'm feeling that if she's not interested in my DD, and almost actively hostile about it, then she's not really interested in me at the moment as understandably DD is everything right now. Having said that I am of course capable of holding a conversation about non baby stuff so it's not like I don't talk about her life or anything. Her personality is quite bitter and abrasive and I guess I'm just over it.
I'm meant to see her next week for a xmas catch up but I feel really awkward with everything that's gone on the past few months. I'm sure she knows something is up even though I haven't said anything. I don't know if I should directly say something or just cancel the catch up. I'm so bad at dealing with things like this and I'm not confrontational or brave with boldly bringing things up that bother me. Sorry for the essay.
Anyone been through something similar with a friend? Any advice?!
ETA I don't expect her to be all over my DD and baby spamming her but just some polite interest and acknowledging me if I do speak about her (not that I feel welcome to anyway so I don't anymore). We've been best friends for over 25 years so I'm quite hurt. She only lives 5 minutes from me do distance isn't an issue. I don't have Facebook so she isn't getting any involvement in my life through that either.
What would you do if you had a close friend who openly ignored your child?