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  1. #1311
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    @MissDa lol, yeah I've often thought lesbian couples would have things totally sorted, supportive, talk things out like women do and have their priorities right. Men can be so self centred, focussed so much on their own stuff whilst the woman has organised the whole bloody kitchen sink!

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  3. #1312
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    Whilst I generally see a great benefit in counselling, DH and I are just not 'counselling people.'

    At the end of the day he knows this is important to me, but I think in his eyes if it doesn't work there is nothing further to be done about it - that's just life and you move on.

    Obviously I don't feel that way - I would be devastated - but how can making him feel my pain make any difference to me or the outcome? He already supports it financially. I feel like I have dealt with all the IVF stuff on my own so far with little support from anyone (other than you all, of course) and maybe that's just how it is meant to be. After all, if I weren't pushing for this he certainly wouldn't be. Maybe this is just my cross to bare.

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  5. #1313
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    Ok, so when I get planning, I get planning! Have been Googling all morning instead of working - but in my mind I'm formulating a plan that we're going to head for a DE transfer in May. That gives me time to sort out three donor options - my friend, Aussie donor (but that would have to happen quite quickly for a May / June transfer) or Cape Town. I have events in March, April and July - July I will be overseas for three weeks, so I think late April / early May should be something I'm working towards - what do you think?

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  7. #1314
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    You go girl! I think if you work backwards. So if you've chosen late April/May work backwards with what needs to happen. You'll quickly find the timeline fills up! I'd strongly suggest jumping on the DE sites that I provided links for and trawling through them to see if any-one jumps out in particular, b/c of course you're somewhat at the mercy of when they can cycle for you. Keep throwing the questions our way!

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  9. #1315
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    Oh ladies I'm so sorry some of you are going through tough times. I remember feeling a lot of what you are all going through.

    I had the end date in mind of my pgd testing that was done in mar last year. That was 2.3years after starting ivf, 5 cycles with a low cost clinic, 4 full stim cycles with an $$$clinic and pgd testing. When they all came back abnormal I thought that was it. How could I put my family further in debt (I had virtually wiped all our savings) for my dream?

    Dh insisted on us going down the de route for me to follow my dream. He said it was just money.

    Now here is the kicker - my dh doesn't communicate well, pretty poorly in fact. Runs from any form of confrontation. It wasn't until we had actually gotten the bfp, seen the scan and hb that he finally opened up about how excited he was and how he had been dreaming that we Wd get pregnant.

    I'm lucky in that I had a cpl of investment properties and a line of credit to utilize, but we were 75k oop for the last financial year for medical and he hasn't batted an eyelid. We didn't do Xmas presents and I didn't get a birthday present (usually dinner at a fancy restaurant), but that's just what we're having to do to try and pay the loan down.

    I think the key to your marriage surviving ivf is to communicate. Even if it's just a little. It's when communication stops that things go south.

    On the topic of the high $$ at qfg, is it because the donors are not residents so nothing of their fee is Medicare claimable?

    I'm so sorry for those of you still struggling, I have every hope that you will get your elusive bfp.

    Hi to everyone 🤗

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  11. #1316
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    @Summer I wonder how DH would react if he got home from work and you said "Hi love, welcome home, here's my CT proposal and my shortlist of 6 donors."!!!

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  13. #1317
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    I feel lucky that dh has been on the journey since d1. Yes he is not the person to spend time researching options online he leaves that to me but he does sometimes come home with some ivf info hes read somewhere. Hes been to majority of transfers all except 2 i think. Hes open to de and ct and is seeing it from my perspective age and success rates v cost. He wants another oe cycle and would be open to a couple more since our fs says we arent there yet but is also willing to head to ct next cycle if i decide that.

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  15. #1318
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    @Charlie74 my best friends in nz couldnt have children for many years. Your post resonnated with me. Yes they wanted children so bad but if at the end of the day they couldnt then they would be content with whatever they could. In the end they were lucky to adopt three children including set of twins. They had tried ivf in those days isci wasnt around and also tried donor egg.

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  17. #1319
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Summer I wonder how DH would react if he got home from work and you said "Hi love, welcome home, here's my CT proposal and my shortlist of 6 donors."!!!

    I actually think he's be rapt and would say let's go for it. He's a man that likes a plan.

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  19. #1320
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    good for you @Summer ! I think your plan sounds fab, you've got a few options covered and something in all that will work out. Im also supposed to be working but so far today haven't done much!! this is the trouble with being back on BH when you work from home
    @Chiefsgirl is right, communication has to come at some point otherwise you will likely build up anger and resentment and it will come out at some point. My DH has always said we'd be ok if we didn't have kids but now that we've decided to go the DE route his mood has lifted enormously. When he opened up he admitted he was feeling really sad that it looked as if it wasn't going to happen. They keep their feelings to themselves i think.
    @midnite your dh sounds great
    @Tahli you're hilarious!!

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