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  1. #1291
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    I like worms xxx

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  3. #1292
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    @Summer I've just tried to reply a few times as tactfully as I can without offending you re your DH.
    I know how much you care for him but heck girl it's time to put your needs first. It's incredibly tough because in theory fighting for his children will always come first, if he is a good father, even over the needs of a new partner. It's about striking a balance and seeing that your needs are met too. And like you said, he has assets he can draw on to help you/him.
    Counselling sounds great. Hopefully you can weed out the root of the problem. If you had to chose between a (birth) childless life building on your relationship with DH or life as a single mum...do you know which one you'd chose? I'm not saying it would come to that of course, I hope you can have both DH and bubs.
    This is the bit that I was clumsily trying to write. If I was you, I'd be setting aside some ED eggs and fertilising them with DS, just in case. Even if it was only 3 eggs. It just gives you options when you pay the initial big lot of money. I hope that doesn't sound too callous. It comes from a good place. Promise.

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  5. #1293
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    Ladies, I have a topic I would like to talk about but I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it here. This is such a positive thread and I don't want to bring a downer on everyone, but I have been thinking about this for some time now and I would really appreciate other's opinions on it. If this is inappropriate for our board please don't hesitate to let me know and I'll remove my post....


    So as you know we are about to embark on our next cycle of IVF. We have no idea what will come of it, obviously - We could get no eggs, we could get lots of eggs which fail to fertilise, we could get one or more eggs which do successfully fertilise and are transferred in only to fail, or we could get pregnant.


    If we are granted financial assistance this cycle, and it doesn't result in a pregnancy, there is a small possibility we could either get the money together for one final attempt, or I might be able to access my super for a final shot.


    Or......


    It might be that this cycle is our last one and we have to recognise the end of our journey.


    I am wondering if anyone on here ever contemplates the end of the journey? Do other people have a time or a date or a circumstance in their mind that would signal the end for them? Or is everyone of the opinion that only the arrival of a baby heralds the end?


    Everywhere I read it seems people say "There is always a way" and "You could borrow money" and "There must be something you can sell" to keep the dream alive. But does anyone ever think about not going again? Of saying "Well, we did our best and sunk everything we had into it, but we can't go on?"


    I sort of feel like I am the only person who's decision to go on or not to go on is governed solely by the mighty dollar. I hope to God I never have to make that final call and this is the cycle that results in my take home baby, but the little voice in the back of my mind whispers "But what if it isn't?"


    Any advice or comments are welcome. And as I said, if this is not the appropriate place for this topic please let me know and I'll delete the post.


    Blossom
    @Blossom74 - I am in the position now of how many cycles do I do. I don't want to base my decision on number of cycles and am hoping I will be able to just decide when to give up. I don't really have a monetary limit - I know that sounds like a good thing but to be honest it makes my decision of when to stop harder. I think my FS will tell me to stop after this cycle if I get no normal embryos for the third time and perhaps I need someone to tell me to stop because I may not be able to make the decision myself. My DH is no help and just says " whatever you want I'm happy". I think if you have done whatever you can with what you have but unfortunately get no result, then you can end the journey at peace with your decision.

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  7. #1294
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    Quote Originally Posted by Precious40 View Post
    I like worms xxx


    Oooohhhh, it's your big day today hon! Good luck!

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  9. #1295
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Summer I've just tried to reply a few times as tactfully as I can without offending you re your DH.
    I know how much you care for him but heck girl it's time to put your needs first. It's incredibly tough because in theory fighting for his children will always come first, if he is a good father, even over the needs of a new partner. It's about striking a balance and seeing that your needs are met too. And like you said, he has assets he can draw on to help you/him.
    Counselling sounds great. Hopefully you can weed out the root of the problem. If you had to chose between a (birth) childless life building on your relationship with DH or life as a single mum...do you know which one you'd chose? I'm not saying it would come to that of course, I hope you can have both DH and bubs.
    This is the bit that I was clumsily trying to write. If I was you, I'd be setting aside some ED eggs and fertilising them with DS, just in case. Even if it was only 3 eggs. It just gives you options when you pay the initial big lot of money. I hope that doesn't sound too callous. It comes from a good place. Promise.
    That's all fine hon, no offense at all, I would have considered our relationship totally rock solid and unable to be shaken until this has all happened and now
    DH is showing elements that are just not supportive at all, and I am struggling to come to terms with what it all means. I don't think there is anything malicious or nasty underneath the way he is reacting - I think it comes down to poor communication on his part and not understanding the impact of this process on a woman. I've been in bad relationships and was blinded and put up with bad behaviour for way to long - and I know this relationship is totally different to that - but there are very real issues that we need to sort.

    I do have to look at the question you have raised, what is more important, my relationship or a child? I never thought that would ever even be a question, but yes, it is one that I think we will explore in counseling. I think I've been fussing around the edges of DE for a while, hoping against hope that I'd fall pregnant naturally again and wouldn't have to worry - so I think now I just have to get a firm plan and he'll be a lot happier with that. The indecision and options make him feel useless, so if we have a firm plan to move forward with, he will be a lot happier with that I think. I'll PM you hon xxxx

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  11. #1296
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    Quote Originally Posted by Green lady View Post
    I think if you have done whatever you can with what you have but unfortunately get no result, then you can end the journey at peace with your decision.

    Theoretically that makes a lot of sense to me @Green lady. And that's pretty much what it would come to for us I think. "We've done all we can, it didn't work, there's nothing more we can do...."

    But how do you tell your heart that? How do you accept that the one thing you want more than anything else will never happen? It's just too.....BIG.

    I feel so much for anyone who has to come to that point.


    Blossom

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  13. #1297
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    I've never had an end date. Too scared to have one. End...
    DH is a bit more practical and has always had one in the back of his mind but rarely voices it (which is sometimes wise).
    My FS has always said you need to have one

    It's a massive decision and not one to take lightly

    I still don't have one ....

    This is the hardest road I've ever been on and I'm soooo happy to share our thoughts and feelings with each other as we are all very similar xxx

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  15. #1298
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    I do have to look at the question you have raised, what is more important, my relationship or a child? I never thought that would ever even be a question, but yes, it is one that I think we will explore in counseling.

    This question floats at the back of my mind from time to time too. I could maybe have a child naturally if only I had access to swimmers. But could I leave my DH and an otherwise decent relationship because of that and that alone? Probably not.

    When we first got together it was on the understanding that he would not be able to give me children. At the time, having a life partner was my main priority. But nature took over and now the desire for a baby of my own is strong. And unless IVF is accommodating of my maternal need, that won't be happening. I can't really blame my DH for that though. This is a mess of my own doing.

    So. Many. Issues.

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  17. #1299
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    I have a feeling he needs a plan written out for him. And for you to be 100% direct about what you want, which if you chose CT is very easy.
    He knows how to fight for his boys. They're tangible and the legal process is written in black and white to follow. But after many miscarriages (I'm so sorry to have to write that) I'm wondering if he feels like he's not chasing something tangible. Where as if you write the plan (not that you should have to of course!) and he has the next step in black and white with costs and success rates I wonder if he'll feel like your baby together could be more tangible.
    He must be pulled in all sort of directions with his previous relationship/s and children, work, his marriage etc.
    Just set it out for him with as much directness as you can muster. Failing that, hit him over the head with a club!! He'll either come to the party or you'll need to make a decision about just how much you want that baby.

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  19. #1300
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    Precious my love, you don't need to set an end date anymore. You are pregnant and this will be your take home baby.


    I do agree with you though. I am so grateful to have everyone here. There is nowhere else I could offload these sorts of things and be understood.

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