I like worms xxx
I like worms xxx
@Summer I've just tried to reply a few times as tactfully as I can without offending you re your DH.
I know how much you care for him but heck girl it's time to put your needs first. It's incredibly tough because in theory fighting for his children will always come first, if he is a good father, even over the needs of a new partner. It's about striking a balance and seeing that your needs are met too. And like you said, he has assets he can draw on to help you/him.
Counselling sounds great. Hopefully you can weed out the root of the problem. If you had to chose between a (birth) childless life building on your relationship with DH or life as a single mum...do you know which one you'd chose? I'm not saying it would come to that of course, I hope you can have both DH and bubs.
This is the bit that I was clumsily trying to write. If I was you, I'd be setting aside some ED eggs and fertilising them with DS, just in case. Even if it was only 3 eggs. It just gives you options when you pay the initial big lot of money. I hope that doesn't sound too callous. It comes from a good place. Promise.
Blossom74 - I am in the position now of how many cycles do I do. I don't want to base my decision on number of cycles and am hoping I will be able to just decide when to give up. I don't really have a monetary limit - I know that sounds like a good thing but to be honest it makes my decision of when to stop harder. I think my FS will tell me to stop after this cycle if I get no normal embryos for the third time and perhaps I need someone to tell me to stop because I may not be able to make the decision myself. My DH is no help and just says " whatever you want I'm happy". I think if you have done whatever you can with what you have but unfortunately get no result, then you can end the journey at peace with your decision.
DH is showing elements that are just not supportive at all, and I am struggling to come to terms with what it all means. I don't think there is anything malicious or nasty underneath the way he is reacting - I think it comes down to poor communication on his part and not understanding the impact of this process on a woman. I've been in bad relationships and was blinded and put up with bad behaviour for way to long - and I know this relationship is totally different to that - but there are very real issues that we need to sort.
I do have to look at the question you have raised, what is more important, my relationship or a child? I never thought that would ever even be a question, but yes, it is one that I think we will explore in counseling. I think I've been fussing around the edges of DE for a while, hoping against hope that I'd fall pregnant naturally again and wouldn't have to worry - so I think now I just have to get a firm plan and he'll be a lot happier with that. The indecision and options make him feel useless, so if we have a firm plan to move forward with, he will be a lot happier with that I think. I'll PM you hon xxxx
Theoretically that makes a lot of sense to me @Green lady. And that's pretty much what it would come to for us I think. "We've done all we can, it didn't work, there's nothing more we can do...."
But how do you tell your heart that? How do you accept that the one thing you want more than anything else will never happen? It's just too.....BIG.
I feel so much for anyone who has to come to that point.
I've never had an end date. Too scared to have one. End...
DH is a bit more practical and has always had one in the back of his mind but rarely voices it (which is sometimes wise).
My FS has always said you need to have one
It's a massive decision and not one to take lightly
I still don't have one ....
This is the hardest road I've ever been on and I'm soooo happy to share our thoughts and feelings with each other as we are all very similar xxx
This question floats at the back of my mind from time to time too. I could maybe have a child naturally if only I had access to swimmers. But could I leave my DH and an otherwise decent relationship because of that and that alone? Probably not.
When we first got together it was on the understanding that he would not be able to give me children. At the time, having a life partner was my main priority. But nature took over and now the desire for a baby of my own is strong. And unless IVF is accommodating of my maternal need, that won't be happening. I can't really blame my DH for that though. This is a mess of my own doing.
So. Many. Issues.
I have a feeling he needs a plan written out for him. And for you to be 100% direct about what you want, which if you chose CT is very easy.
He knows how to fight for his boys. They're tangible and the legal process is written in black and white to follow. But after many miscarriages (I'm so sorry to have to write that) I'm wondering if he feels like he's not chasing something tangible. Where as if you write the plan (not that you should have to of course!) and he has the next step in black and white with costs and success rates I wonder if he'll feel like your baby together could be more tangible.
He must be pulled in all sort of directions with his previous relationship/s and children, work, his marriage etc.
Just set it out for him with as much directness as you can muster. Failing that, hit him over the head with a club!! He'll either come to the party or you'll need to make a decision about just how much you want that baby.
Precious my love, you don't need to set an end date anymore. You are pregnant and this will be your take home baby.
I do agree with you though. I am so grateful to have everyone here. There is nowhere else I could offload these sorts of things and be understood.
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!