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  1. #1281
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    Hi @Blossom74
    Completely relate to your post, it seems as thought I just pay off 1 cycle and then begin saving for the next!
    I guess the reality is that some people get their miracles and some don't so we have to ask ourselves how much emotionally and financially do we invest? Do we wait until we are $50k down or $100k it has to factor into your decision.
    I have been back to my FS yet post disaster DE cycle but if it turns out we can't use our donor again the next step would be going overseas for a donor so even more $$$$ and no Medicare to help. Do do we walk away and just try and get on with our lives or gamble another $20/30k and possibly end up still no baby?
    Such a hard decision and don't feel bad for considering the financial aspect, I know people say oh once your holding the baby you won't care but if you don't get to hold a baby and are living in your car well that's a whole other thing!
    X

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  3. #1282
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinachris View Post
    Yep, 2 cycles down and last night I was thinking "where do we stop?" "4 ? 8? I don't want to be in debt for years with this if it's just not going to work. I don't want to walk away if it might. It's that darn "might" that is the mind f&@$ . This has been in the back of my head. Thanks for posting this. X


    You're right. It's that "But what if the next one is THE ONE?

    Sigh.....


    Blossom

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  5. #1283
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    Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your wonderful feedback on moving towards the DE route. As you know the costs are one of the sticking points between DH and myself, and we have talked some more but we will need some counseling to really sort out how it is going to happen. I'm still quite upset and angry about his lack of support right throughout this process and before move fully to DE I want to make sure that having children is the right thing for this relationship. I would never have questioned it before, but some of the stuff lately has not been supportive and I want to sort that out.

    I think I might put an ad on EDA and just see if anything does come of it now, and start moving on CT. I think you can put in a request for your donor to become a known donor if they choose to, so at least I can put that out there and see if I can find someone who is OK with that if I can. I think a holiday will be a bit of an incentive for DH and seeing as it is the cheapest option other than Australia, that is going to be positive. Maybe I can have him pay for all the holiday side of it and I can pay for the medical side.

    @Tahli I have done most of the immune / clotting testing and nothing shows up except the MTHFR gene which can make the blood a bit thick and I'm on the right type of folate now. Wazza had me on a protocol of aspirin, clexane, prednisone, trental and nitrodaur patches to open the blood vessels and a strong anti-inflammatory. So six meds to try and prevent miscarriage if I did fall pregnant. The only things I haven't done is the intralipids - which I am dying to do but I'm very allergic to egg so it's a no go, and I haven't done any DNA HLA matches which I don't know much about - I'll have to look into that as well I guess. Also, if I was going to CT I would do a scratch and flush and get my uterus checked out prior.

    Is there anything else that I'm missing in that lot of stuff?

    We'd be using DHs sperm, so we would have to go over together and I guess we would do a fresh transfer and then PGD and freeze any others.

    I get really torn and I hope I don't offend anyone with this, or maybe they can relate, but at nearly 45 I wonder how I will cope with having a child / children as I'm so used to doing things when I want to and having my own space. But then if I talk to anyone about the miscarriages the tears are very close to the surface, and when I think about DH's son who is in his twenties having a child at some point, and knowing DH will want to be very involved, I see that scenario and don't think I'd cope at all if I didn't have a child of my own. My head questions, but my heart is 100% sure. Does anyone else go through that?

    Sorry for the long post and for not answering @Blossom74s post above as yet - but QFG charge a $2K "donor fee" and I have no idea what that is for. Then $8K for cycle plus $1200 for theatre plus $600 for anaesthetist and no medicare rebates for an O/S person. Then add to that the costs for Wazza's appointments and my transfer of $2300 and it's pretty expensive. I will ask my FS next week about his costs if I still used the Known Donor program.

    Thanks guys, you are all so awesome
    Last edited by Summer; 08-01-2016 at 08:56.

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  7. #1284
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    Ladies, I have a topic I would like to talk about but I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it here. This is such a positive thread and I don't want to bring a downer on everyone, but I have been thinking about this for some time now and I would really appreciate other's opinions on it. If this is inappropriate for our board please don't hesitate to let me know and I'll remove my post....


    So as you know we are about to embark on our next cycle of IVF. We have no idea what will come of it, obviously - We could get no eggs, we could get lots of eggs which fail to fertilise, we could get one or more eggs which do successfully fertilise and are transferred in only to fail, or we could get pregnant.


    If we are granted financial assistance this cycle, and it doesn't result in a pregnancy, there is a small possibility we could either get the money together for one final attempt, or I might be able to access my super for a final shot.


    Or......


    It might be that this cycle is our last one and we have to recognise the end of our journey.


    I am wondering if anyone on here ever contemplates the end of the journey? Do other people have a time or a date or a circumstance in their mind that would signal the end for them? Or is everyone of the opinion that only the arrival of a baby heralds the end?


    Everywhere I read it seems people say "There is always a way" and "You could borrow money" and "There must be something you can sell" to keep the dream alive. But does anyone ever think about not going again? Of saying "Well, we did our best and sunk everything we had into it, but we can't go on?"


    I sort of feel like I am the only person who's decision to go on or not to go on is governed solely by the mighty dollar. I hope to God I never have to make that final call and this is the cycle that results in my take home baby, but the little voice in the back of my mind whispers "But what if it isn't?"


    Any advice or comments are welcome. And as I said, if this is not the appropriate place for this topic please let me know and I'll delete the post.


    Blossom
    We were only going to do one more Cycle if my last one was another BFN Luv.

    We had one more vial of DP's frozen TESA'd sperm left to use & that was going to be that. We quite simply could not afford to go on.

    We aren't even "average wage earners" here...far from it and being inelgibile to use a low cost Clinic (you better believe I tried everything to get a special dispensation so we could...another reason QFG fruck me off so much!!!) meant having to pay full price all without PHI as well.

    The $ is what stops most people I believe...it would've of been that & my age that was going to stop us if we handn't of gotten lucky last Cycle.
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 08-01-2016 at 08:51.

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  9. #1285
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDa View Post
    Hi @Blossom74
    Completely relate to your post, it seems as thought I just pay off 1 cycle and then begin saving for the next!
    I guess the reality is that some people get their miracles and some don't so we have to ask ourselves how much emotionally and financially do we invest? Do we wait until we are $50k down or $100k it has to factor into your decision.
    I have been back to my FS yet post disaster DE cycle but if it turns out we can't use our donor again the next step would be going overseas for a donor so even more $$$$ and no Medicare to help. Do do we walk away and just try and get on with our lives or gamble another $20/30k and possibly end up still no baby?
    Such a hard decision and don't feel bad for considering the financial aspect, I know people say oh once your holding the baby you won't care but if you don't get to hold a baby and are living in your car well that's a whole other thing!
    X


    Yes, THIS. My DH has made it abundantly clear that we will not be one of those couples. Not that we are living the high life now - we are renters and have few assets to our name - but he is not willing to go into debt for this. We can use up what free cash we have (which is not much I assure you) but that's it as far as he's concerned.

    And to think....when I was younger (well, and even now I guess) I could have just gone out and had a wild night and walked away with a baby 9 months later. That makes me angry too.

    Not a good day at Blossom's house!


    Blossom

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  11. #1286
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    Thank you @Tahli. I guess I am just having 'one of those days' where I'm not feeling 100% on top of things.

    I know our relationship is one which has suffered from IVF. Not due to my husband's fault, but my own. I feel so focussed on what I want that I just don't seem to be able to have any feelings for anything/anyone else. I am numb to everything but the desire for a baby.

    It sounds SO BAD but my husband has kids of his own and I am bitter about the position I find myself in. IVF brings up so many feelings and I struggle with the fact that one day the journey might end and he will still have his kids but I will have empty arms.


    Blossom
    I felt exactly the same about my DP too Luv at the time.

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  13. #1287
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    Thank you @Tahli. I guess I am just having 'one of those days' where I'm not feeling 100% on top of things.

    I know our relationship is one which has suffered from IVF. Not due to my husband's fault, but my own. I feel so focussed on what I want that I just don't seem to be able to have any feelings for anything/anyone else. I am numb to everything but the desire for a baby.

    It sounds SO BAD but my husband has kids of his own and I am bitter about the position I find myself in. IVF brings up so many feelings and I struggle with the fact that one day the journey might end and he will still have his kids but I will have empty arms.


    Blossom
    Oh @Blossom74 we should so be sitting down for a long lady's lunch and a cuppa to commiserate with each other and talk it right through as it sounds like there are some similarities with what we are going through.

    My relationship changed from my second miscarriage. The first one was a surprise when we had unprotected s3x for the first time and we were only a few months into the relationship so it didn't have the huge emotional impact it had later when we were deliberately trying. My DH has two boys, and it is heartbreaking that he just doesn't quite understand my overwhelming desire to be a Mum - he has his boys and always will. And he has experienced the joys of pregnancy, birth, looking after a tiny little baby, raising his kids and all the ups and downs of that - with other women - not me. So there is bitterness, envy, grief - so many emotions. My grief has been the hardest. To fall naturally so many times gave me false hope that one would take, and the grief has really rocked our relationship badly.

    I had to face that I was at the end of the road as a way of coping. I had to look the worst in the face and know I'd survive. So I did that, then as I healed, the yearning came back again and I knew I wasn't done yet. So here I am again six months after I stopped all meds, looking at the next option. I have no answers for you my friend, but keep going until you really truly can't anymore.

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  15. #1288
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    I get really torn and I hope I don't offend anyone with this, or maybe they can relate, but at nearly 45 I wonder how I will cope with having a child / children as I'm so used to doing things when I want to and having my own space. But then if I talk to anyone about the miscarriages the tears are very close to the surface, and when I think about DH's son who is in his twenties having a child at some point, and knowing DH will want to be very involved, I see that scenario and don't think I'd cope at all if I didn't have a child of my own. My head questions, but my heart is 100% sure. Does anyone else go through that?

    I don't worry so much about how I would cope (I am only 41 and I saw my parents bring my sister into the world at 45 and 46 respectively) but I do lose sight of the idea of actually bringing a baby home. I focus on IVF and all that entails, but my mind doesn't let me contemplate the fact that if I ever did get a BFP it could end in a way which didn't involve MC. I just can't see myself with a baby on my hip, if that makes sense.

    I know I WANT that. Like you, when I think about my MMC I fall apart. That signals to me that doing another round is the right thing to do. Subconsciously, I still yearn for that. I just can't picture it.

    I really feel for you love. It saddens me when you say your DH would pay for a holiday but not contribute towards the cost of creating a baby. My DH draws the line at going into debt but to think your DH doesn't want to help at all .... well, I really do feel sad for you. I think you are doing the right thing looking into counselling. I have plenty of anger at my situation but my DH at least committed to giving what little we have to IVF. I would hate to think you might find yourself in a position of resentment towards your DH down the track. I don't know how you ever get over something like that.

    Hugs for you hon. This IVF caper raises a LOT of issues and feelings.


    Blossom

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  17. #1289
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    Screw lunch @Summer, I think we should be talking over a bottle of wine!

    Oh, it's so hard, isn't it.

    My DH and I can be like ships in the night. Despite my anger at our situation I don't take it out on him. Or do I? We have lost a lot of the closeness we once had. We live like room-mates rather than husband and wife.

    My DH is a good man, don't get me wrong. But like I said, I have no room for any feelings other than wanting a baby. I simply have nothing left to give him.


    Blossom

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  19. #1290
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    Sorry ladies. I think I've opened a can of worms.....

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