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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChelleBH View Post
    It is not normal behaviour from an 8 year old and she needs to see someone whether your DP approves of it or not. I'm sorry, but there is something not right going on and she really needs some help regulating her emotions.
    Thanks yes it rings alarm bells for me big time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    You don't need his permission to take your DD to see someone. Yes, it's always better to have both parents on board making the decision. But your DH is not making a choice that's best for your DD. She needs help. He isn't helping her by being in denial.

    Big big hugs to you, you're doing your best in a very difficult situation xx
    Thanks I hadn't even thought of him being in denial

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    If he sees a psychologist as threatening or is worried your daughter will be labelled as "crazy" maybe start with a GP.
    I don't know but even at 8, some of what is going on could be hormonal.
    It could be any number of things but a GP might be a non threatening starting point.
    You are not messing up your daughter by trying to help. Good luck!

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    I think some men have a natural propensity to dismiss issues for fear of not only facing there may be a problem but then having to deal with it. Your DD's behaviour does sound concerning and the fact that you can acknowledge that and be prepared to seek help is fantastic. But I think you have to do this without your DHs help or consent, at 8 she knows he is taking her side and it may well be clouding her view on whether or not she wants to talk to someone.

    Stand tall, she will thank you one day, just maybe not at the moment.

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    Your daughter needs help. Book her in and keep your hubby in the loop as a courtesy. Invite him a long or give him the phone number of your daughters doc so they can explain to your hubby why she needs help.

    I've been to a few parenting gigs/seminars and THE most important factor in building resilience in kids is parental role modeling (leading by example). If you or your hubby do things like say "of ffs" or "bloody hell" when you drop some milk on the freshly mopped floor then continue with getting yourselves help until you are able to deal with the milk spill with a "oh well at least it wasn't a carton of eggs that I dropped, now that would have been worse!".

    Best of luck

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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    If he sees a psychologist as threatening or is worried your daughter will be labelled as "crazy" maybe start with a GP.
    I don't know but even at 8, some of what is going on could be hormonal.
    It could be any number of things but a GP might be a non threatening starting point.
    You are not messing up your daughter by trying to help. Good luck!
    I agree with this actually. Your DD is probably hormonal but it is worrying what she is saying/how she is acting.

    I am sorry your DH is being difficult - sorry I'll rephrase to douche in this instance.

    I would also suggest going to beyond blue and scouting out a good psych for kids/teens if you do not know one. You can call/email them as well.

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    I went to our GP in tears recently with 6yo DD having some ocd traits. I was put on s plan and seen within 2 weeks. I was happy to go private to be seen quicker but no need. 6 appts at no cost. 1st appt was just the parent then following was combo of parent and child.
    Make a GP appt as soon as you can then you are one step closer to professional help.
    Don't be ashamed. People see sleep specialists when babies don't sleep, or Drs when they sprain their ankle. We get advice from professionals in a field when we can't fix it ourselves. No difference in my mind. They are the experts, I felt pregnant, had a child and have been winging it since then 😜 xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Your daughter needs help. Book her in and keep your hubby in the loop as a courtesy. Invite him a long or give him the phone number of your daughters doc so they can explain to your hubby why she needs help.

    I've been to a few parenting gigs/seminars and THE most important factor in building resilience in kids is parental role modeling (leading by example). If you or your hubby do things like say "of ffs" or "bloody hell" when you drop some milk on the freshly mopped floor then continue with getting yourselves help until you are able to deal with the milk spill with a "oh well at least it wasn't a carton of eggs that I dropped, now that would have been worse!".

    Best of luck
    That last bit is one thing I'm really working on. I can get stressed easily and I'm definitely guilty of being a bad role model when things are getting too much. I'm reading lots on positive parenting and resilience and trying to change my own behaviour to be that calmer role model. It's a work in progress! I definitely stuffed up with her earlier tantrums. My reactions were based on stopping the behaviour rather than understanding the emotion behind it and helping her to work through it. I used to suggest she punch a pillow instead but I would also say things like you are just tired and that was probably not validating how she was feeling? I was reading a while back about labelling emotions for kids and mentioned the idea to dp. He dismissed it outright as ineffective and that it caused issues at his work. I wish I'd researched the idea better myself I think it might've help. Mr6 gets into tantrums and I've noticed that he is less likely to spiral if I say things like "I can see you're angry/disappointed..." Still not giving in to his demands but letting him feel understood. My mums take on it is that dp is just a control freak so when I disagree with him he finds something nasty to say to shut me up. I'm annoyed with myself for not seeking help sooner but definitely will now have the name of a very good child psychologist from a friend

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    OP it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, have read the situation accurately and have your hubby's motives pegged (even if he isn't conscious of it).

    Keep doing what your gut tells you to do and you will be right

  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChelleBH View Post
    It is not normal behaviour from an 8 year old and she needs to see someone whether your DP approves of it or not. I'm sorry, but there is something not right going on and she really needs some help regulating her emotions.
    I agree 100%.

    An 8 year old shaking a knife at her mum and asking how to kill herself??

    She needs to see someone asap - there is something going on with your daughter.

    I hate to put it out there but either I wonder if either something has happened to her without your knowledge that's changed her behaviour and emotions or there's something going on with her brain mental health wise.

    Either way none of her behaviour is normal for an 8 year and I would be very concerned as to what's going on.

    Go see your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist that specialises with children.


 

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