+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,180
    Thanks
    1,157
    Thanked
    726
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default 3yo hitting, won't apologize

    My 3yo DD has started hitting, kicking, throwing things at people etc. It's a relatively new thing and when she does I will immediately stop whatever interaction we were having, tell her firmly that it's not okay to hurt people and she needs to say sorry and I walk away.

    At this point she starts bawling and will cry for ages and gets even more worked up and angry. She flat out refuses to apologize, it's like pulling teeth. She'll expect us to go back to playing when she feels like it and I'll say no you need to say sorry for hitting me then she'll get angry again and go off crying. When she finally does decide to apologize (like sometimes it can take an hour or more) it's just a quick 'sorry!' And then she expects it to all be fine and dandy.

    What do I do? Today she threw her metal water bottle at me and it hit my ankle, it hurt so much! I did what I said above and she just went of crying and it's been an hour. DH just got home so he's dealing with her because I'm so angry and frustrated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,898
    Thanks
    1,870
    Thanked
    1,469
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Sounds like you are doing the right thing.
    It's hard, especially as she may not quite grasp the long-term yet (DSS was about 5) and so once she is over it, it is over... and it is, for her.

    But I would do what you are doing- move away, say it's not ok, ask for an apology, and let her rage. I would consider taking away anything she threw though.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    4,349
    Thanks
    830
    Thanked
    2,657
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Sounds like you are doing the right thing.
    It's hard, especially as she may not quite grasp the long-term yet (DSS was about 5) and so once she is over it, it is over... and it is, for her.

    But I would do what you are doing- move away, say it's not ok, ask for an apology, and let her rage. I would consider taking away anything she threw though.
    I agree. DS does this at me and DH. Aims at our head. We say no, sometimes hug him while 'pinning' his arms. Also he gets time out/in and cries and fusses while we sit nearby. He is told to say sorry which he says after calming down (usually).

    Its so hard. Oh, I have taken toys away for repeat behaviour too. The favourite ones.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (08-12-2015)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,180
    Thanks
    1,157
    Thanked
    726
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Thanks for the replies. I'll try taking toys off her, hopefully it helps

  6. #5
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    10,101
    Thanks
    6,330
    Thanked
    16,158
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    Bleurgh I've been going through this too. It's such a hard time because they understand right and wrong but still have little regulation over their emotions and minimal impulse control.

    Personally I wouldn't wait an hour for an apology. I pick up my son, say to him firmly 'I know you're angry/upset/playing but I won't let you hurt me' and sit in his room with him on my lap and his arms pinned down. 3 minutes at his age.

    Then I tell him he can go and play when he apologises and makes it better. If he refuses, we stay there. That is very rare. After that it's forgotten.

    Now we are at the point where I'll pick him up to remove him and he'll say 'sowy mummy. Sowy.'

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    Redcorset  (12-12-2015)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    sounds like you are doing the right thing it just takes a while to getthe message though to them hang in there

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    2,826
    Thanks
    1,597
    Thanked
    2,079
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'm not a fan of a forced apology, but it's so frustrating/upsetting when they won't apologize!

    In theory, I say "I won't let you...xyz", then walk away if I can. If I need to be in that place I tell DD that I don't want to be around her because she hurt me, and I need her to leave me alone. If she won't, then I put her in her room because it has a gate on it I can lock.
    I never demand an apology, because I think it defeats the purpose. An apology should be a genuine expression of remorse, not just something empty you say out of obligation. Instead, I tell her that I'm upset that she hurt me and doesn't seem sorry, or that I don't want to play with her until she helps me to feel better etc. drawing attention to the consequences of what she did.

    For the most part it works well for us...but I say 'in theory' because I don't always respond so calmly if I'm angry.

  10. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Renn For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (09-12-2015),amyd  (11-12-2015),DarcyJ  (12-12-2015),DT75  (12-12-2015),monnie24  (11-12-2015),nh2489  (11-12-2015),Redcorset  (12-12-2015)

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    56
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0
    Maybe instead of forcing an apology out of her ask her to be nice to whoever she hit... Maybe a hug... Maybe sharing a toy etc...

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to HomeSchoolMumOf4 For This Useful Post:

    amyd  (11-12-2015)

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,180
    Thanks
    1,157
    Thanked
    726
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Thanks for the new replies. There are some good ideas here. I tried asking her to 'be nice' rather than say sorry today when she got a bit aggressive with me, didn't make much of a difference, she just acts rudely until she decides ok I'm over it and then it's sweet as pie again, then she can't understand why it's not ok with me, does my head in! I'll keep trying though, thanks!

  14. #10
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,246
    Thanks
    4,673
    Thanked
    2,850
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    when my little ones were a bit aggressive, or cranky, I would not worry about getting an apology, I would just pick them up and put them into the bedroom. saying, ' I think you must be tired because you know that is not acceptable behaviour here." if they come straight back out, then I would ask for an apology, and they can explain why the bad behaviour. usually, if they stayed in the bedroom for a few minutes, I would find them asleep. this worked more often than not. of course if you are not at home, then I would go home asap. marie.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Other children hitting yours
    By ~Marigold~ in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-12-2015, 15:33
  2. I think I am 'hitting the wall' ...
    By Patience86 in forum Fertility Treatment
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-10-2015, 17:46
  3. Hitting and other issues
    By Nafsika in forum 3 year olds
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-09-2015, 12:41

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Carmel's Beauty Secrets
7 Day Nail Growth Boosting Method Carmel's Beauty Secrets
The Nail Growth Boosting Method, will help transform your nails in just 7 days. You will also notice a big difference in their strength. It's so easy and only needs to be performed once a month.
Get your Nail Growth Boosting Method at the link below.
featured supporter
Be In Blossom
We offer physiotherapy run pregnancy Pilates, pregnancy Aerobics, and Mummy Pilates & Baby Massage classes with a focus on optimising posture, body awareness, pelvic floor support, back care and maintaining fitness, aiming to assist women prepare and recover from their birth.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!