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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I know your intentions are very good and I really appreciate your comments when I've asked for help. I'm fragile at the moment and things like this hit a nerve for me. It's definitely more to do with me but that doesn't change my feelings of inadequacy, incompetence and inferiority when I hear that everyone else goes through this and copes fine. Because I'm not coping and it just reinforces how crap I am at this when I can't handle it but seemingly everyone else can 😢 it makes me feel like the abnormal one because I can't handle my 'normal baby' who takes ages to get to sleep, wakes up 5-6 times a night with a 2hr crying awake stint, up early and who doesn't respond to any of the usual settling methods people suggest (shush-pat, co-sleeping etc) and can often be an exhausting grumpy bum during the day. I need help to cope, I'm working on getting that help.
    @gingermillie you are not alone as my 6 month old is not a great sleeper, never really has been and I find it hard to cope as well. Pretty much everything you describe is my DD. Last week I completely broke down as I was so exhausted I just fell to pieces. Cried and cried and thought I'd never ever stop. Like you I can't co sleep as basically I don't sleep as there's no room and I'm scared she will fall out. You are not crap at this at all. Being a mummy is bloody tough, throw in chronic sleep deprivation and its hell sometimes. We went to a day stay at a sleep centre but of course DD was perfect that day so I'm sure they thought I was being a sook. Going to call tomorrow to beg them to take us for a residential stay as I go back to work in 7 weeks and have no idea how I'll cope as I'm barely holding it together now. So please know you are certainly not alone lovely, not by a long shot xx

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I did a PND screen again today and my score was 12. 13+ suggests PND so they said mine was borderline. I don't believe I have PND. I believe it is situational because I'm tired and floundering. At 6 months in I thought I'd be much more on top of things than I am. When she was going through her good sleeping phase (and therefore happy, easygoing baby) I felt like I could do anything and had it all together. Now ive had a few tough weeks I've crumbled again. The only thing getting me through is DH being on holidays but he's back at work next week and then I'm on my own 6am-5pm plus overnight. He does a lot of country driving with his job so I can't risk him being too tired for work so overnights I try to handle on my own unless desperate. I have zero other help. Hoping in the next couple of weeks I get back on track and into a rhythm again. Til the next road bump anyway.
    I'm so sorry your struggling. It only takes a couple of bad days and ones whole outlook can go from rainbows to rubbish at a rate of knots.

    For what it's worth my 6mth old DD went to sleep last night at 6.30 and woke up at 8, 10, 1.30, 3, and 5.30.. Slept from 7.30-10am so I got a nap then too. Starts off in her cot, end up in her cot but the middle chunk she's in with me. Poor DH is on the sofa.

    I've just had a break away with DH tho so feel recharged enough to cope but before I left I was in damage control. It's hard man..four days ago she just wouldn't nap for toffee.. I got annoyed and left her crying while I walked out the room just to cool off. 3 mins later I scooped her up and gave her to DH to take out in the pram instead. Out like a light.. This week she's gone down for every nap like an angel. Constantly changing and evolving!

    You have to do what you have to do to cope. That's the crux of it. For that reason don't ever feel like a failure. I know she was a very much wanted IVF bub so your intentions are the very best. Big hugs xxxx

    What stuff did they suggest at day camp? Stopping night feeds? Is that it? How long till the residential?

    I'm of the belief you can't over feed a breastfed baby but that's me. I feed on demand still now and won't stop. Maybe it's the root cause of my crappy nights but I can't fathom putting my bub on a boob schedule. It's just not us.

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  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I know your intentions are very good and I really appreciate your comments when I've asked for help. I'm fragile at the moment and things like this hit a nerve for me. It's definitely more to do with me but that doesn't change my feelings of inadequacy, incompetence and inferiority when I hear that everyone else goes through this and copes fine. Because I'm not coping and it just reinforces how crap I am at this when I can't handle it but seemingly everyone else can 😢 it makes me feel like the abnormal one because I can't handle my 'normal baby' who takes ages to get to sleep, wakes up 5-6 times a night with a 2hr crying awake stint, up early and who doesn't respond to any of the usual settling methods people suggest (shush-pat, co-sleeping etc) and can often be an exhausting grumpy bum during the day. I need help to cope, I'm working on getting that help.
    I get you. I really do. And not everyone copes well. I'm currently waiting to be seen by the Peri natal mental health team here in Canberra. I've got a score of 26 and it's not fun.

    You have described my children to a T at various stages. I'm NOT dismissing you. I'm commiserating with you.

    I coped by understanding what's normal. When I worked out that my baby was normal then I coped better. I understood that it is not me who is a bad parent or that I have a bad baby. I have a normal baby and I'm a normal frustrated parent.

    I also know what parent I want to be. And there are some things I will not do. Ever! So I deal with what I have. Each day, one step at a time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I started SOS today as we were both starting to loose it with no sleep. It has gone good so far. I had dabbled in it when DD was about 2 months old but at the time decided it wasn't for us. Now DD is 6.5 months old I'm comfortable with trying again. We all do what we need to do to get by. Unfortunately it has come to this. I was hoping it wouldn't but so be it.
    If you need a hand with SOS feel few to PM me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I might be shot here however I don't believe in the mantra food before 1 is just for fun. I think it's unrealistic to expect a bub to survive mainly on milk until the age of 1. If bub is hungry and if bub is waking through the night bub *may* need more solids. May not, by may do. My point is don't stick to a parenting philosophy when it comes to feeding your child.
    I'm going to call BS on that.

    Of course you stick to your parenting philosophy. That's what helps you make every single decision in your day concerning your baby.

    I'm an avid fan of BLW and delayed solids. I don't start them till 6-7mths but with dd3 I'm going to stretch it till 7-8mths if possible. They don't go to 3 meals a day till 12-14 mths.

    Because I truly believe that it's in the best interest of my child to do so. And if that means I'm feeding all night. Oh well. I'll manage.

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  11. #66
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    Default 5 month old sleeping and feeding issues - do I need a routine?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I'm going to call BS on that.

    Of course you stick to your parenting philosophy. That's what helps you make every single decision in your day concerning your baby.

    I'm an avid fan of BLW and delayed solids. I don't start them till 6-7mths but with dd3 I'm going to stretch it till 7-8mths if possible. They don't go to 3 meals a day till 12-14 mths.

    Because I truly believe that it's in the best interest of my child to do so. And if that means I'm feeding all night. Oh well. I'll manage.
    I'm not so sure that on topics related to ones physical well being and where there is a body of medical research and advice, a parenting philosophy should take precedence (eg as with the vaccination debate).

    I'm not trying to say you can't parent the way you feel is right for your bub. Or that your approach makes you a bad mum. Just that in a thread where the OP has expressed frustration at a lack of sleep I think the possible pitfalls of your approach (disrupted sleep) need to be considered.

    I don't get making decisions on bubs eating habits 6 months in advance. Each bub is different and bubs readiness signs should determine when and what bub eats not a parenting philosophy. Every circumstance is different and I could be wrong however I find it difficult to imagine a healthy 7 month old could be physically satisfied with no solids or that a 13 month old could be physically satisfied with just 2 solid meals per day. If a parent sticks to a philosophy instead of physical signs from their bubs (not necessarily saying that's what you are doing) then more frequent day feeds and/or extra night feeds may very well be required to compensate.
    Last edited by VicPark; 12-01-2016 at 06:08.

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  13. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I get where you are coming from. And agree to some extent. However I feel I need to highlight that unless there are medical issues then whether a bub (especially an older bub) sleeps through is very much correlated with what the parents do (in terms of feeding and settling techniques).
    VP I know we sit in very different camps on this and I'm not trying to pick a fight, I just think considering how @gingermillie is feeling right now *I* need to highlight that the above statement is not necessarily a fact.

    I have anecdotes that could strongly point the other way, but they are just that - personal experiences/opinions, and not facts.

    Big hugs to you @gingermillie - many of us have been where you are right now. I know that being told this is normal for *some* babies doesn't ease your burden at all. Every CYHN or wtf they are called that I went to just made me feel worse about my situation.

    VP is right, though, in that there is always something new to try if you're open to it, but I think if you do try things when your heart isn't in it then your Bub will know.

    I can't help you practically really but I'm always here to listen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    VP I know we sit in very different camps on this and I'm not trying to pick a fight, I just think considering how @gingermillie is feeling right now *I* need to highlight that the above statement is not necessarily a fact.

    I have anecdotes that could strongly point the other way, but they are just that - personal experiences/opinions, and not facts.

    Big hugs to you @gingermillie - many of us have been where you are right now. I know that being told this is normal for *some* babies doesn't ease your burden at all. Every CYHN or wtf they are called that I went to just made me feel worse about my situation.

    VP is right, though, in that there is always something new to try if you're open to it, but I think if you do try things when your heart isn't in it then your Bub will know.
    .
    Sorry you are right - this is what I was getting at. If your bub is healthy there is no need to just accept the norm if the norm does not suit your family. There are things parents can do - of course there are no guarantees.

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    @gingermillie - I have a 13 month old whose sleep is atrocious. I don't cope well. I've been diagnosed with PND. DH gets up with him on the weekends and I sleep in. I've had days where I've called DH and told him to come home from work. I've gotten angry many a time because DS has refused to go to sleep even though he's tired. I completely understand the horribleness of the sleep deprivation monster.
    I did sleep school. I was doing everything "right". I had some small improvements... but nothing permanent, and nothing that has helped. Sometimes I'll get a few nights where he'll wake once and go straight back to sleep - and those days are glorious!
    I've not got much in the way of practical advice, but I get it, and I, too, am here to listen.

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    @gingermillie, I highly recommend Lisa from CYH at Edwardstown. She helped me with DD when she wasn't sleeping well. She's lovely, has 2 kids of her own and isn't one if the nazi MCHNs you often get.

    I think there are two Lisa's, so ask for the one with curly blonde hair.

    I think Torrens House will be amazing for you both. They have paediatricians who can rule out physical problems before you start.

    I like you had the 'normal' baby, who did 'normal' things and I was definitely not a just run with it, it will get better on it's own. Yes I know babies all sleep through when they're ready and at different ages, but I couldn't just keep doing what I was doing and not try and change something.

    The fact you are seeking help doesn't make you a bad mother for not coping, or wanting to change things, or not being willing to accept your baby is 'normal' and do nothing until it passes. You're seeking help as you know there is *something* that will help your DD sleep better, yes it is likely something you can do differently, but that's not a reflection on you as a parent, all it says is that you haven't quite been able to pinpoint those 1 or 2 or 3 key things that will work for *your* bub that you're also comfortable with. Let's call it your 'magic potion'.

    Finding the right combination of those key things what ever they may be (solids, less feeds, different settling techniques, a structured schedule.... Whatever... Your magic potion) can be like finding a needle in a haystack and that's what BH and CYH nurses and Torrens House are there for.... Empowering you to make the right changes for your bub and for you.

    You've done such a great job with her sleep issues for this long, I commend you and wish you all the best for finding your magic potion.

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