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  1. #1
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    Default Return to work dilemmas

    Hi Mums. I need non-biased advice from someone who understands my situation! I feel like I am just trying to please all the important people in my life and it is impossible. I returned to work this past week (Thurs 9-7.30 Friday 9-3 and Saturday 8.30-4) I am lucky enough to have my Mum, Sister and Husband doing one day each. My issue is; my mum and sister both think i shouldnt be returning to work this early (my DD is nearly 5 months). Ultimately i would love to be a SAHM but my husband wants me to return to work for financial reasons (even though we could get by without the extra income - we would just have to live very tightly). Lastly, I love my job and my boss and she has been awaiting my return as have my personal clients. I am feeling so guilty that i might be doing wrong by my DD. She has coped ok without me with my mum and sister. But my DH struggled a lot. I am constantly stressing about whether I am doing the right thing. Any advice or personal stories would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

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    Meh

    In France most mums go back to work when Bub is 2mo. All my friends and family from France thinks I'm taking way too long off (9 months this time).

    Anyway my point is that French kids and families are ok.
    I went back to work FT when my first was 6mo. He is now 2.5yo and we are very close.
    Well done for going back to work, it's not easy but you should be finding it easy after a couple of weeks.

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    TheGooch  (07-12-2015)

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    I don't have advice from experience. But all I suggest is don't let anyone else's opinions on what they think is right for your family dictate your decision.

    Only you and your DH are in the marriage and know what you're ok with financially, emotionally etc
    Don't let anyone guilt you guys into changing your decision!

    And my other advice is. You're entitled to change your decision if YOU feel it's not working for you without having to justify your decision to anyone!

    I'll be in this dilemma next year. So I hope it all works out for you guys xx

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    deku  (07-12-2015),TheGooch  (07-12-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by clb84 View Post
    I don't have advice from experience. But all I suggest is don't let anyone else's opinions on what they think is right for your family dictate your decision.

    Only you and your DH are in the marriage and know what you're ok with financially, emotionally etc
    Don't let anyone guilt you guys into changing your decision!

    And my other advice is. You're entitled to change your decision if YOU feel it's not working for you without having to justify your decision to anyone!

    I'll be in this dilemma next year. So I hope it all works out for you guys xx
    This.

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    I think its a shame your mum and sister are giving you the guilt trip, especially on your first week back, and especially when they have agreed to mind your DD. If you are happy working, stick with it! You need to do what's best for your family unit if 3. If your DH is struggling, maybe look at a day of daycare and swap days around for the family minding. It can be a tough adjustment going back to work and working out what care arrangements work best. All the best.

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    TheGooch  (07-12-2015)

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's no one else's business. They are not in your shoes & can't say what is & isn't right for you - only you can decide that!

    Often going back to work can require a little tweaking until you find what works for you. I have an extremely difficult mother who takes it upon herself to comment on / criticise everything I do. She is very old fashioned and didn't work til her 3 kids were adults, and she believes I should be doing the same (regardless of my finances!). I got sick of it and put DD in daycare a couple of days a week, minimising contact with my mother. Could this be an option down the track? Unfortunately we can't change others opinions or beliefs, but if you feel you're doing the right thing stand by it, and don't let anyone else sway you.

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    It's such a hard decision but you need to do what you feel is right for you. One of those days does seem really long, over 12 hours I think. I would think about cutting that down if I was struggling.
    I went back to work when my son was 5 months for 2 days a week, 7.30-4.30 and then when he was 7 months I went up to 3 days a week. He went to each grandparents one day each and then day care on the third day. He is such a happy kid and loves going to their places now, we are still happily doing this and he is now 18months. I had a lot of comments about putting him in daycare so young but my opinion was that he wasn't around other children at all and he may as well go somewhere where he wasn't going to be centre of attention to be honest (grandparents jump when he even makes a single noise). Also he has learnt so much stuff being with other people!
    I struggled back at work for a couple of weeks just because I missed him so much but I just focused on the good things, eating lunch and not being interrupted, having a hot coffee, going to the bathroom when I wanted, talking to other people and not about babies, feeling like something other than just DS's mummy. Don't get me wrong my colleagues probably were sick of hearing about DS but it really gave me some balance in my life.
    I also had to go back because of financial commitments initially and now if I wanted to, I could cut back or stop but I actually enjoy it.
    In regards to your DH, he will probably struggle just coz Bubs is still so small, but the more practice he gets the better it will be, maybe he need to work on a half day to build up his confidence. One of the grandparents that looked after my little boy was my dad, he hadn't ever changed a nappy (even when I was a kid), had no idea about bottles, wasn't sure about food or how to settle him.........but they are now best buddies and My Dad is one of the best grandparents with him now.

    Sorry for the essay but I just remember being in this exact situation. If you are happy working then don't worry about what anyone else thinks, if not then maybe cut down your hours for a few more months and work yourself up to three days. I know in the start I couldn't afford not to go back to work so I had to go back initially. Good luck xx

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    It's hard when family can't just accept your choices.

    I've been back at work since my youngest was 4months - I've been able to take her with me but she starts daycare in January. I could probably stay home but my income helps our family, I like my job and actually feel I'm a better parent on the days I'm at home with the kids.

    As a PP suggested, if finances allow, maybe look at Childcare as an option to lessen family drama.

    Best wishes!

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    "I am not discussing this further, this suits our family. If you cannot care for baby while I work, ok, but I am going to work."

    And repeat.

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    You know in your heart was is best.


 

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