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  1. #1
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    Default So you regret the baby (or babies) you decided not to have? (Strictly supportive com

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    Last edited by Happy Camper; 06-12-2015 at 21:01.

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    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sounds incredibly tough.
    I hope what in about to say comes across as intended - with compassion but also realism.
    Please don't keep TTC right now until you've worked out what else is happening in your life and your relationship. I can imagine the desire for a child can outweigh everything else but seriously, just wait until you've made decisions about your relationship.
    You say you're ready to walk and would, if not for a number of reasons but then on the other hand say if you don't TTC you'll end up hating your DH.
    It sounds like you're really not sure about your relationship right now and I would sort that, before TTC

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    Default So you regret the baby (or babies) you decided not to have? (Strictly suppor...

    I agree with @GucciDahling and will probably be a bit more blunt.

    Please don't have another baby with a man who you can barely stand to be around. Unless you are prepared to walk away and raise your kids alone. It just seems so unfair on both you and the baby.

    You should sort your feelings for your DH first and then decide if another baby can work within that.
    Last edited by Sonja; 06-12-2015 at 18:23.

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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Firstly, I get where you're coming from. I've desperately wanted to have a third baby with my (recently separated from) DH and we were approaching 17 together before I asked him to leave in September due to a number of issues we were having. I'd toss up between thinking I will be able to handle another baby just fine, to wondering whether it'd be fair to bring another little person into the middle of a rocky relationship. And even now I think of all the women who decide to have a baby and go it alone. I know I could do it.
    I don't think you're going crazy. I also understand the resentment that comes from having a partner who, for whatever reason, isn't a great candidate to create another baby with.
    For me, my focus was healing us first. He's got a lot of work to do and I feel it couldn't happen while we were living together so we've separated at this stage, with views to reconciling in the future if things work out.
    The notion that I'll never have another baby is overwhelmingly depressing, but I know the time is not right, not until we fix the relationship first.
    If your partner is struggling with alcoholism, how would he cope with another child? Is he open to getting help?

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    I agree with what the previous posters have said about sorting out your marriage issues before bringing another baby into the mix.

    While I can fully understand how strong the desire for another baby can be, having a new baby will place a whole new level of stress on an already volatile relationship. Plus it wouldn't be fair on the baby.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 10-12-2015 at 23:01. Reason: remove personal info

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    Last edited by Happy Camper; 06-12-2015 at 21:26.

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    As mothers we make sacrifices for our kids. We protect them and bring them up in loving and safe nurturing relationships. Your heart may say another baby but you need to ignore that and make a tough decision that only mums can make and fix or end the relationship with their father. It's your job. Do it and stop indulging yourself.

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    Last edited by Happy Camper; 06-12-2015 at 21:27.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    As mothers we make sacrifices for our kids. We protect them and bring them up in loving and safe nurturing relationships. Your heart may say another baby but you need to ignore that and make a tough decision that only mums can make and fix or end the relationship with their father. It's your job. Do it and stop indulging yourself.
    This.

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    Default So you regret the baby (or babies) you decided not to have? (Strictly suppor...

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    Ouch. Do fathers not have the same obligation to their offspring? I went eyes open into parenthood, knowing that now I have to put my children first, before me. That is what I will do, despite these moments of private pity. But to imply that fathers do not have the same standard applied to their parenting is harsh, and sad.
    yes fathers have the same obligation. but when he avoids that responsibility and obligation in favour of alcohol, somebody needs to take control and be sensible.

    as an alcoholic, does he feel equipped to bring another child into the world?

    it just seems incredibly unfair on a little innocent bub to bring it into a situation that you knowingly believe is less than stellar and you're in the mindset that you want to leave this guy.

    so would he be just a sperm donor or a proper father figure?

    edited to say my post wasn't intended at being ranty or having a go. those were all genuine questions.
    Last edited by turquoisecoast; 06-12-2015 at 21:46.


 

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