+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 16 of 16
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    602
    Thanks
    237
    Thanked
    276
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    @NAT2561 sorry if I missed the boat here but so sorry to hear about your separation.

    I don't have set times for calling, but as DS gets older I intend to negotiate these. I think twice a day is too much, personally, although I do commend you for trying to keep the communication regular for your daughters.

    I remember my dad was very unreliable with his calls, and it was heartbreaking.
    Thanks harvs. Yes it's an incredibly difficult time of course and negotiating through all these hurdles of things like this doesn't make it easier. I know a question like this probably seems a bit silly and unimportant in the scheme of things but it's surprising hope tricky it can be to find a balance in everyone's best interests without upsetting each other or the kids. I guess there will be a lot of uncertainty for a while as we work it all out.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    1,026
    Thanks
    797
    Thanked
    785
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    Thanks harvs. Yes it's an incredibly difficult time of course and negotiating through all these hurdles of things like this doesn't make it easier. I know a question like this probably seems a bit silly and unimportant in the scheme of things but it's surprising hope tricky it can be to find a balance in everyone's best interests without upsetting each other or the kids. I guess there will be a lot of uncertainty for a while as we work it all out.
    Not silly or unimportant at all. Its very easy for the small issues to become magnified and become the source of huge disagreements. Oh and in my opinion him phoning twice a day is excessive.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    602
    Thanks
    237
    Thanked
    276
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    Not silly or unimportant at all. Its very easy for the small issues to become magnified and become the source of huge disagreements. Oh and in my opinion him phoning twice a day is excessive.
    Thanks
    It does sound excessive however it also breaks my heart that he isn't a part of their every day lives now and I really really want the girls to have that. It's so hard. We are 400km apart so the phone seems really important. However, at the times when he doesn't bother i wonder if it matters to me far more than it matters to him! I think I'm still getting in my head that we aren't a 'family' any more so it seems so strange to me that he doesn't know day to day happenings

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    1,026
    Thanks
    797
    Thanked
    785
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    Thanks
    It does sound excessive however it also breaks my heart that he isn't a part of their every day lives now and I really really want the girls to have that. It's so hard. We are 400km apart so the phone seems really important. However, at the times when he doesn't bother i wonder if it matters to me far more than it matters to him! I think I'm still getting in my head that we aren't a 'family' any more so it seems so strange to me that he doesn't know day to day happenings
    I understand. I didn't realise you lived so far apart. The phone calls are definitely an important way to stay in touch. (I'm assuming he doesn't see them very often with that distance?).

    Other ideas for staying in touch may be for the girls to draw him some pictures and post them / skype calls / emailing photos of day to day life.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to SSecret Squirrel For This Useful Post:

    NAT2561  (30-12-2015)

  6. #15
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    10,122
    Thanks
    6,341
    Thanked
    16,199
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    @NAT2561 your last post really spoke to me.

    It's hard to adapt to that way of thinking that suddenly you're no longer sharing everything. It took me a lot of time.

    I've also pushed really hard for my ex to see DS and speak to him regularly. It's not anywhere near as often as I would like, and over time I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not actually responsible for their relationship. All I can do is be open and facilitate it wherever possible, not block opportunities and the rest is on him.

    If your ex is not maintaining twice a day contact then that is likely going to cause friction and tension in an already difficult time. I'd focus on getting him to commit to something and stick to it - you can build from there.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    SSecret Squirrel  (30-12-2015)

  8. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    602
    Thanks
    237
    Thanked
    276
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    @NAT2561 your last post really spoke to me.

    It's hard to adapt to that way of thinking that suddenly you're no longer sharing everything. It took me a lot of time.

    I've also pushed really hard for my ex to see DS and speak to him regularly. It's not anywhere near as often as I would like, and over time I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not actually responsible for their relationship. All I can do is be open and facilitate it wherever possible, not block opportunities and the rest is on him.

    If your ex is not maintaining twice a day contact then that is likely going to cause friction and tension in an already difficult time. I'd focus on getting him to commit to something and stick to it - you can build from there.
    Thanks harvs. Good to hear that others have taken time with the same feelings. You're right....start basic and build. I keep trying not to be too hard on myself when things don't work as i know it's early days but i feel like everything is a tricky hurdle at the moment and it seems so messy and difficult. Perhaps i need to chat to other single parents who understand.


 

Similar Threads

  1. New born eye contact
    By TBells in forum Newborns (0 - 2 months)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 07-10-2016, 01:07
  2. If someone was trying to find and contact you...
    By onionskin in forum General Chat
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 17-06-2015, 11:23

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
The Little Gym Bella Vista
Get ready for some serious, fun gymnastics! The Little Gym Bella Vista
The world’s premier experiential learning and physical development center for children ages 4 months - 12 years. Create opportunities for your child to try new things and build self-confidence, all with a grin that stretches from ear to ear
featured supporter
Cots on Bubhub
Looking to buy a cot or bassinet? :: Cot safety checklist :: Local or online nursery shops
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!