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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    @NAT2561 sorry if I missed the boat here but so sorry to hear about your separation.

    I don't have set times for calling, but as DS gets older I intend to negotiate these. I think twice a day is too much, personally, although I do commend you for trying to keep the communication regular for your daughters.

    I remember my dad was very unreliable with his calls, and it was heartbreaking.
    Thanks harvs. Yes it's an incredibly difficult time of course and negotiating through all these hurdles of things like this doesn't make it easier. I know a question like this probably seems a bit silly and unimportant in the scheme of things but it's surprising hope tricky it can be to find a balance in everyone's best interests without upsetting each other or the kids. I guess there will be a lot of uncertainty for a while as we work it all out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    Thanks harvs. Yes it's an incredibly difficult time of course and negotiating through all these hurdles of things like this doesn't make it easier. I know a question like this probably seems a bit silly and unimportant in the scheme of things but it's surprising hope tricky it can be to find a balance in everyone's best interests without upsetting each other or the kids. I guess there will be a lot of uncertainty for a while as we work it all out.
    Not silly or unimportant at all. Its very easy for the small issues to become magnified and become the source of huge disagreements. Oh and in my opinion him phoning twice a day is excessive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    Not silly or unimportant at all. Its very easy for the small issues to become magnified and become the source of huge disagreements. Oh and in my opinion him phoning twice a day is excessive.
    Thanks
    It does sound excessive however it also breaks my heart that he isn't a part of their every day lives now and I really really want the girls to have that. It's so hard. We are 400km apart so the phone seems really important. However, at the times when he doesn't bother i wonder if it matters to me far more than it matters to him! I think I'm still getting in my head that we aren't a 'family' any more so it seems so strange to me that he doesn't know day to day happenings

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    Quote Originally Posted by NAT2561 View Post
    Thanks
    It does sound excessive however it also breaks my heart that he isn't a part of their every day lives now and I really really want the girls to have that. It's so hard. We are 400km apart so the phone seems really important. However, at the times when he doesn't bother i wonder if it matters to me far more than it matters to him! I think I'm still getting in my head that we aren't a 'family' any more so it seems so strange to me that he doesn't know day to day happenings
    I understand. I didn't realise you lived so far apart. The phone calls are definitely an important way to stay in touch. (I'm assuming he doesn't see them very often with that distance?).

    Other ideas for staying in touch may be for the girls to draw him some pictures and post them / skype calls / emailing photos of day to day life.

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    NAT2561  (30-12-2015)

  6. #15
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    @NAT2561 your last post really spoke to me.

    It's hard to adapt to that way of thinking that suddenly you're no longer sharing everything. It took me a lot of time.

    I've also pushed really hard for my ex to see DS and speak to him regularly. It's not anywhere near as often as I would like, and over time I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not actually responsible for their relationship. All I can do is be open and facilitate it wherever possible, not block opportunities and the rest is on him.

    If your ex is not maintaining twice a day contact then that is likely going to cause friction and tension in an already difficult time. I'd focus on getting him to commit to something and stick to it - you can build from there.

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    SSecret Squirrel  (30-12-2015)

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    @NAT2561 your last post really spoke to me.

    It's hard to adapt to that way of thinking that suddenly you're no longer sharing everything. It took me a lot of time.

    I've also pushed really hard for my ex to see DS and speak to him regularly. It's not anywhere near as often as I would like, and over time I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not actually responsible for their relationship. All I can do is be open and facilitate it wherever possible, not block opportunities and the rest is on him.

    If your ex is not maintaining twice a day contact then that is likely going to cause friction and tension in an already difficult time. I'd focus on getting him to commit to something and stick to it - you can build from there.
    Thanks harvs. Good to hear that others have taken time with the same feelings. You're right....start basic and build. I keep trying not to be too hard on myself when things don't work as i know it's early days but i feel like everything is a tricky hurdle at the moment and it seems so messy and difficult. Perhaps i need to chat to other single parents who understand.


 

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