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  1. #1
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    Default Why hasn't DS made friends at daycare

    Has anyone else's child struggled to form friendships at daycare?

    DS has been there since March this year and he hasn't made any friends, he hates going, he cannot tell me what he did all day or what he ate etc, who he played with...

    Everyone keeps telling me that it's normal for a 4.5 year old to not come home and talk about their day, well I don't believe that for a second.

    He also hasn't even been invited to a single bday party the entire year.

    I am beyond stressed and upset

  2. #2
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    My kids didn't get invited to parties until they were in school. Not sure why but it never bothered me, nor did I invite any kindy kids to their parties before school.

    Have you asked him "what was your favourite thing you did today"? Instead of what did you do today? If you know something he did e.g like painting....then ask I saw you did painting today, what did you paint?

    Even now asking them what they did today (8 and 11) is like getting blood out of stone, so I changed the way I asked the question. Sometimes I ask for their best and worst thing, other times their 3 favourite things they did that day.

    Maybe pick a child the staff say he gets on with and organise a play date with the parents....You can make the first move too.

    Some kids are small group people, some flourish in larger groups. Some are happy to play on their own, I have one of each. Maybe he hasn't found a child he just clicks with, surely that is okay too.

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    Maybe you could ask the teachers what they did that day or look in there day book and then you could ask direct questions about his day?
    Some children don't join in cooperative play and prefer playing on their own on next to peers.

    What's he like with children outside of daycare like with siblings, cousins, neighbours and family friends

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    I don't think that's necessarily abnormal. My son made no friends at all in his 3 year old kindy year , parallel played only.

    He's just finishing his year of 4 year old kindy and is about to turn 5. Only just starting to take an interest in having 'friends'. He mainly just floats about playing with what he wants to, regardless of what other kids are doing.

    He also tells me nothing at all about his day, it's like getting blood out of a stone!!

    The only difference is that he loves going and loves his teachers.

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    My DD is 4yo and when I ask her "what did you do at daycare today?" she just shrugs. I usually check the daily email and photos that her teachers send out and then ask her about specific things that I know they did that day. Sometimes she still doesn't talk about it or just says "yes" or "no". Other times she'll tell me a bit about it. But she very rarely proactively tells me about her day. Often something will happen days or weeks later that prompts a memory and she'll tell me about "the funny man talking about food, he was so funny!" (a 'nutrition magician' did a performance at the centre).

    DD does have friends but it only really started this year. The teachers said that the kids in her room this year are a particularly good mix personality-wise and seem to get along really well, but that doesn't always happen. Like adults, certain groups are going to get along better than others.

    Also, DD has been at this centre since she was 7 months old so has known some of the kids for a few years before they really became friends.

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    Have you talked to the staff at the centre? I'm sure they'd let you know if there was an issue. My 3.5 year old loves daycare & is doing brilliantly but certainly doesn't socialise with the other kids outside of daycare. The only birthday parties / play dates she's gone to have been the children of my friends. She often regularly tells me she "didn't do anything" at daycare!

  7. #7
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    My son has just turned 5 and is in kinder (Victoria).
    He has made friends very quickly this year, has a best friend, plus others they also play with.
    He only tells me what he has done that day if I ask pointed questions. If I ask what he did that day he says nothing or I don't know, but if I say things like "did you play in the sandpit" he says yes or no and elaborates from there.
    Have you spoken to the teachers? Have they tried to encourage friendships? Could you organise some play dates with other parents?

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    I don't think it's necessarily abnormal either. My eldest is 8 and is still a bit like that. He has always been the kind of kid who drifts a bit between kids and happily plays on his own a lot at school. He has one good friend, but is friendly with lots of the kids. He rarely gets invited to parties. I feel sad for him, but he seems quite happy and is doing well at school so I try not to worry too much.

    My DD is the polar opposite to him. She started full time daycare at 15 months, and thrived there once she settled in. She had to stop going when she was diagnosed with cancer in August at 3y10m, but she had a great little bunch of best friends at daycare who she stays in touch with. She is extremely sociable and really misses going to daycare (her cancer treatment is too intense so she is unable to attend any sort of daycare or kindergarten currently).

    I think it's a lot to do with their personalities.

  9. #9
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    my kids were the same. no bday invites from daycare, but who does do that anyway? even in prep i'd ask dd what she did or who she played with - shrug or nothing or nobody was the answer.

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    I also recommend play dates - I organised a group play date after pre school at the end of term 1 ( just asked pre school to send a email organising a play in the park near pre school then swapped numbers with other mums who came) about 6 of us this year have a regular weekly play date after school on Tuesday's and DS is best friends with 3 of them - I've already done the same thing with kindy next year so he can start school already knowing some of the boys


 

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