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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    I'm sorry that you're going through this, especially while pregnant, that must feel heartbreaking. As PPs have said, things said in a heated argument are not always the truth. However it does sound like if he's jumped from an inconsequential argument, to your question, to wanting to leave his pregnant partner, then there might be an underlying issue. Is he feeling the pressure of a new baby coming?? Sit down and have a calm discussion with him and ask him what he wants from the relationship and how he really feels about you, and if there's something else on his mind.

    For what it's worth, if my DH (who I've been with for 7+ years and is the father of my DS) asked me the same question my answer would be no. I love him dearly, we are very happy, I have no plans to leave him - ever! But he's not the *best* thing that's ever happened to me. The best thing that ever happened to me happened before I met DH - it was when I realised that I was worth being loved and respected and that I was responsible for my own happiness. Realising that changed my life so much for the better and if I hadn't reached that point I never would have met DH or had DS and the wonderful life we have now.

    I guess what I'm saying is, by saying that someone else is the best thing that ever happened to you, you're implying that they're responsible for your happiness. And giving someone else that power will always lead to heartbreak. You need to be the best thing thats ever to yourself. Be kind to yourself, realise that you're worth being loved and cherished and respected. The rest will follow.

    Its possible for you to not be the best thing that's happened to him, but for him to still love you and want to be with you. The two are not mutually exclusive. It also doesn't necessarily mean that he loves you less than you love him.

    Big hugs hun, I hope you can sort things out xx
    oh I am sorry if I gave the idea that he wants to be with someone else, he says he is happy with me when I am normal. He never wanted anyone else. I always felt like I was punching above my weight. To me he is very good looking and he says he thinks I am good looking too. In his defence he is a good man and would never cheat on me and has always been loyal, he says he is happy with me. I just think bwcause I am overweight, pregnant and unhappy with myself that he must be unhappy with me. I have caused so many fights because of my insecurities, and now he is deciding whether he wants to be with me. It's my insecurities that make me think I am not good enough for him. I hate it. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and like the face looking back at me and think, you are a goodlooking lass, he is lucky to have you...but all I think is he deserves someone better.

  2. #12
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    Can I suggest gently your posts ring to me like you may have depression. You seem to place little value on yourself and think you don't deserve him somehow. To me it seems the issues aren't really with him but how you value yourself.

    We don't get our worth from how others treat us but from how we value ourselves. Maybe some form of counselling might help.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Can I suggest gently your posts ring to me like you may have depression. You seem to place little value on yourself and think you don't deserve him somehow. To me it seems the issues aren't really with him but how you value yourself.

    We don't get our worth from how others treat us but from how we value ourselves. Maybe some form of counselling might help.
    Yes I do have depression. I was on anti depressants before I fell pregnant but went off them (with doctor's knowledge) because we wanted to give the baby the best chance possible. I've always had a low opinion of myself, I don't know how to change that. I was seeing a psychologist until we moved area. I don't know how to like myself.

  5. #14
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    I really think you need to go back to seeing a psychologist. Medication can be great at taking the edge off, but unless you are addressing the reasons for your depression (if there are any) and/or discussing ways to cope while you are off meds, it's going to be really tough for you and those around you. Your doctor should have worked this out with you first.

    As for asking if you are the best thing that ever happened to your partner, it probably wasn't a good idea to ask in the middle of an argument. And while we are responsible for our own happiness, the people we decide to keep in our lives should be there because they enrich it. Of course other people can and do influence our moods and emotions...and other people can make us feel happy, but to rely on someone else to provide you with the self esteem you need isn't healthy and can breed resentment. It's important to learn how to be happy with yourself, someone else can't give that to you. And to expect them to is unfair. I know you probably don't do it intentionally.

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Yes I do have depression. I was on anti depressants before I fell pregnant but went off them (with doctor's knowledge) because we wanted to give the baby the best chance possible. I've always had a low opinion of myself, I don't know how to change that. I was seeing a psychologist until we moved area. I don't know how to like myself.
    I've never taken antidepressants myself but I was under the impression there are some very safe in pregnancy? It does sound a little like you are almost testing him, that unless he thinks you are absolutely the best thing in his life ever it's proof of your inner fears that you are not loveable? Or that you think that you are not good enough for him? It would be good to see a psychologist to help you see things clearer and work on your self esteem. Sounds like he does love you but you risk pushing him away. I have low self esteem too, especially since I've been at home with kids for 9 years. I find reading psychology/cbt books helps. I like 'change your thinking'. But there are probably lots out there. If I get time later I'll find the quote I like in there about self esteem just don't want to misquote from memory! Hugs, pregnancy hormones are probably not helping either!

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    I've never taken antidepressants myself but I was under the impression there are some very safe in pregnancy? It does sound a little like you are almost testing him, that unless he thinks you are absolutely the best thing in his life ever it's proof of your inner fears that you are not loveable? Or that you think that you are not good enough for him? It would be good to see a psychologist to help you see things clearer and work on your self esteem. Sounds like he does love you but you risk pushing him away. I have low self esteem too, especially since I've been at home with kids for 9 years. I find reading psychology/cbt books helps. I like 'change your thinking'. But there are probably lots out there. If I get time later I'll find the quote I like in there about self esteem just don't want to misquote from memory! Hugs, pregnancy hormones are probably not helping either!
    Yeah I would rather avoid being on the medication, just to give the baby the best possible chance. I was seeing a psychologist for a bit but we moved from the area, so I sought councelling after I started this thread and I started councelling last week, I had to do something to change my behaviour, I wasn't proud of myself. So it's been about a week and a half since we last had a fight, and I am feeling a lot better about things. I think things will get a lot better as I continue councelling and hopefully feel better about myself. I realise i am probably not the best thing that has happened to him as I haven't really given him a chance to think that about me. I am working towards being a lot happier with myself and yeah true, being pregnant doesn't help but I would prefer to be able to work on myself without medication and if I can begin to feel better about myself now, then when I have had the baby, I will have gotten a massive head start...if that makes sense.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 15-12-2015 at 07:34.

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