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  1. #1
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    Default Difference in value in the relationship.

    My partner and I had a massive fight tonight. It started over something simple and escalated to something out of control. During this fight I asked him if I was the best thing that has happened to him. To this he replied that he didn't know what was the best thing, even though he knows that besides my children, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    I kind of feel gutted. At this stage he isn't sure whether he wants to remain with me. I am 26 weeks pregnant with his first child. SHould I just keep out of his way so he can keep looking for that woman that I obviously am not. We have been together for 2 years.

    I spent ten years with the father of my other two children in a predominantly unhappy marriage. I wasn't instantly attracted to him, and now I feel like I am the one that my partner wasn't instantly attracted to. I believe that you only live once and that you should be the happiest you can be. I feel like my partner has settled. I have always had a low self esteem and never been beautiful to anyone. I just think that my partner should find that one woman who he thinks is breathtaking.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    My partner and I had a massive fight tonight. It started over something simple and escalated to something out of control. During this fight I asked him if I was the best thing that has happened to him. To this he replied that he didn't know what was the best thing, even though he knows that besides my children, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    I kind of feel gutted. At this stage he isn't sure whether he wants to remain with me. I am 26 weeks pregnant with his first child. SHould I just keep out of his way so he can keep looking for that woman that I obviously am not. We have been together for 2 years.

    I spent ten years with the father of my other two children in a predominantly unhappy marriage. I wasn't instantly attracted to him, and now I feel like I am the one that my partner wasn't instantly attracted to. I believe that you only live once and that you should be the happiest you can be. I feel like my partner has settled. I have always had a low self esteem and never been beautiful to anyone. I just think that my partner should find that one woman who he thinks is breathtaking.
    I think the question you asked him was a bit unnecessary and needy. I just don't see the point in asking it?

    If your partner loves you, treats you well and you are both happy then I don't think it matters if he thinks you're the best thing that happens to him.

    However, maybe you asked the question as things just don't seem right? But I would not have approached it that way.

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  4. #3
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    You discussed this during a fight? People say stupid stuff when they are angry. But perhaps if you are concerned, after the fight and all angry feelings have been resolved and there is no tension between you, bring it up with him. Ask if he is unhappy/settling/whatever and where you both want to go from there.

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  6. #4
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    I agree, you can't judge an entire relationship based on a question that came out in the heat of the moment. It's such an open-ended question and not one I would consider to be important in my relationship. You didn't say what the argument was about so it's tough to comment any further, but try not to put thoughts in your partners head so to speak. He's probably never thought of it that way. Just focus on whether you have a good relationship and are happy in your life

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    I couldn't be happier with my husband but I would never think to describe him as the best thing that has happened to me, because I'm just not sentimental and romantic like that. Perhaps your husband is the same? I wouldn't assume that it means that he doesn't love you or isn't happy.

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    I'm sorry you fought and that its been left unresolved and making you miserable.
    It sounds like a big jump from not necessarily being the best thing that's happened to your DP to him wanting to leave and wanting someone else.
    So I wonder if you asked because you were already feeling insecure and unhappy in your relationship?
    It's an awful place to be, feeling something is wrong and not being 100% sure what that is.
    I agree that what's said in the heat of an argument isn't always what's meant. I would leave it be until things calm a little and then talk to your DP about your concerns. I would also seek some counselling to help you have a discussion that provides an environment with your DP that encourages conversation.

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    Thanks for your replies. I guess sometimes I do come across as needy as he has told me this before. I guess I just wanted to matter to him you know. He's leaving today as far as I know. I do love him very much but I guess sometimes people aren't meant to be. Our relationship has always been rocky. We were living apart when I found out I was pregnant and it was accidental, he wasn't keen on having kids so early but was happy once we got over the shock. I think sometimes I should just stand back and let him go. I now feel like he is trapped in a relationship and I don't want to be responsible for his unhappiness, even though he tells me he is happy, in myself I feel he isn't.

    I was on anti depressants for depression when I found out I was pregnant but he was adamant that I go off them, so I did with the doctors approval but when I have bad days he doesn't get it. He expects me to to be automatically happy. I just feel worthless really. And yes, I have always suffered from huge insecurities. I just don't feel good enough.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 03-12-2015 at 07:52.

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    I'm sorry that you're going through this, especially while pregnant, that must feel heartbreaking. As PPs have said, things said in a heated argument are not always the truth. However it does sound like if he's jumped from an inconsequential argument, to your question, to wanting to leave his pregnant partner, then there might be an underlying issue. Is he feeling the pressure of a new baby coming?? Sit down and have a calm discussion with him and ask him what he wants from the relationship and how he really feels about you, and if there's something else on his mind.

    For what it's worth, if my DH (who I've been with for 7+ years and is the father of my DS) asked me the same question my answer would be no. I love him dearly, we are very happy, I have no plans to leave him - ever! But he's not the *best* thing that's ever happened to me. The best thing that ever happened to me happened before I met DH - it was when I realised that I was worth being loved and respected and that I was responsible for my own happiness. Realising that changed my life so much for the better and if I hadn't reached that point I never would have met DH or had DS and the wonderful life we have now.

    I guess what I'm saying is, by saying that someone else is the best thing that ever happened to you, you're implying that they're responsible for your happiness. And giving someone else that power will always lead to heartbreak. You need to be the best thing thats ever to yourself. Be kind to yourself, realise that you're worth being loved and cherished and respected. The rest will follow.

    Its possible for you to not be the best thing that's happened to him, but for him to still love you and want to be with you. The two are not mutually exclusive. It also doesn't necessarily mean that he loves you less than you love him.

    Big hugs hun, I hope you can sort things out xx

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    I think you can't base the future of your relationship on something that was said in an argument.
    Realistically I don't think you can really expect that someone will say your the best thing that's happened to me whilst angry/upset/arguing.

    Perhaps you should try some sort of counseling/therapy as you said you went off your meds due to the pregnancy, I'm sure that would be very difficult for anyone.

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    Stop worrying about him and just focus on yourself. Make yourself happy. He's a big boy if he wants to leave he can. You won't be able to do anything to change it. So focus on what you have rather than "what ifs".

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