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  1. #1
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    Default Striving to be a better mum.

    May be a weird title but I've decided this is absolutely what I need to do. I want to make some promises to myself and Dd and make sure that I put all of the effort in to living up to those promises. I thought others might like to join me?

    I am going to be brutally honest here.

    Last night I had a moment, a moment that had be in tears quite unexpectedly.

    I view myself as a good mum, my Dd is happy, she has everything she wants and needs in the scheme of things.

    I have been working full time for a couple of months and am out of the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week. I obviously love coming home to see my Dd, but a lot of the time I am tired, cranky and a bit unmotivated when it comes to routine.

    Dd probably stays up too late, and dinners aren't always as healthy as they should be, I pretty much let her do as she pleases while I sit on my lazy bum and try and unwind.

    My job is not physically demanding, I enjoy it and it will ensure that I am securing a decent career in the future but I am away from Dd a lot and don't think I've been putting in enough effort to give Dd the quality time she needs and deserves.

    I looked at her last night, just happily playing and I cried, I cried because she has to go to daycare at 6.30am, I cried because she plays all day with other people and other kids and I'm not there. So I bundled her up and cuddled her to sleep. She sleeps with me every night but I just had a moment where I needed her to know I was there and I needed to know she was there.

    I'm going to make an effort to implement a better routine, that involves me completely.

    I'm going to read to her more and sing to her more and play with her more.

    I'm going to plan more fun things on the weekends that revolve around Dd's interests instead of worrying to much about cleaning. (We do things on the weekends of course but it's mostly repetitive activities).

    I'm going to start a couple of Christmas traditions now she is older and can understand.

    Does anyone else feel this way?
    Last edited by DreamyMummy; 02-12-2015 at 13:37.

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  3. #2
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    Default Striving to be a better mum.

    Hi DreamyMummy.

    Firstly, try not to feel too bad. You are doing a good job by providing for your family and making plans for the future. You cant be all things to all people all of the time and that's why you are outsourcing some things eg: childcare. Don't feel guilty about that, it's a necessity for many, many parents. Also think about the great example you are setting for your DD by showing her the value of hard work and having a decent career as a woman. This sort of thing can be under valued in our society and we as women are often punished for wanting this, held up to ridiculous standards that men simply are not. I commend you!

    As for me. I work a lot too and often come home tired and cranky. I'm not too bad on house stuff and cooking (I outsource cleaning), but I do sometimes lose my cool with DD and shout, rant, generally things I'm not proud of. And all she's looking forward to is me coming home at the end of the day to talk/play/read with her, so the look on her face when I do lose my cr@p is just devastating. I need to take more deep breaths and realise that she challenges me at night because she's missed me a
    and wants my attention!

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  5. #3
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    I'll be going back to work in 2 months. I'll be returning to a relatively stressful job full time. I'm definitely not in the job I thought I would be in. But, I'm already anticipating the changes that this is going to bring.

    I know that I'll find it hard. I know that I will have absolutely awful days at work, and I will need my downtime to unwind, and I'm worried about how I'll achieve this and still spend time with DS. I'm going to get myself more organised, and try to do more relaxing and fun things with DS and DH, without worrying about everything else. I think a big part of this will be making sure I unwind on the commute home. I'm so worried I'll bring work home with me unintentionally (and figuratively - I'm not allowed to actually take work out of the office), and I won't be the mum I want to be.

    I think the traditions thing is a great idea.... but maybe you could also start a little weekly or monthly tradition as well? Go to the movies, or for ice cream, or a bike ride, or have a little at home spa day or something like that?

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  7. #4
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    You sound like an amazing mummy and your daughter is lucky to have you xx I think your weekday wanting to chill out after work is fair enough! Everyone needs to unwind or your mental health can suffer.

    You already said you want to do some fun things on the weekend and that sounds like a great start.

    Maybe start by locking in healthy easy meals so at least you're both being looked after. I say this although in another thread Ive just written how unorganised I am and DONT Meal plan - but maybe having something in place so you don't spend ages getting drained by thinking about what to eat and then making it.

    Good luck OP

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    Sorry OP I've just realised I completely missed the point of your thread - I too want to strive to be a better mum as I tend to spend way too much time on my phone. It's getting to be ridiculous.

    Also I do like to relax a lot at home but I want to get my kids in a lot more activities/sports next year. We only do swimming at the moment. I always would bang on to friends how over scheduled kids are and almost went the other way - but after attending a raising resilient girls seminar the other day, the presenter spoke a lot about finding your Childs spark and building on that. Also when they're busy they then don't have time to fall through the cracks.

    I really hope to work on this in 2016

    Xx

  9. #6
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    Yes, I feel like this too.

    I find I really need to take the opportunity to connect with ds as they occur. Like if I'm cooking dinner and he wants me to play with him - taking 1 minute to chase him around the house, sing, dance etc seems to keep us both happier and prevents me getting frustrated if he is "helping" too much. Remember it's QUALity time...not QUANTity time.

    I want to cut down on my phone time too and try to avoid it when ds is up.

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  11. #7
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    I need to work on responding better to DD.

    Last night she was telling me the letters in her name (it's on her bedroom wall). When she got one wrong she'd cry and said she was a naughty girl. I'm not sure where ages picked that up but it has made me sad. I also need to spend some quality time together and less time on my phone.

  12. #8
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    Hugs. I worked full time when DS was 12 months old (until we moved interstate when he was about 18 months). I used to cry often and felt awful. I think it's hard because you know you would spend more time with them if you could and you feel like they are missing out on time with you etc. And you're so tired when you do see them (and they usually are too) that it's just not that quality time you want.

    I now work 4 days a week and still feel the same. I feel extra guilty because that 1 day off a week I am trying to achieve a gazillion things instead of prioritising DS. I don't think mothers guilt goes away. You can always be doing more, giving more, etc. I think you just have to try and treasure the little moments and make quality time over quantity.

    I am hoping to have more time off with my next bub. But then feeling guilty because DS didn't get the same.

  13. #9
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    Aww darling, you're doing a great job! I don't work much, so I find myself constantly distracted, looking for jobs and on my phone. Also, chatting to people like my mum and my friend, my aupair, and my DS was always cranky and I could never work out why... These past few days I've been really trying to connect with him, talking about everything I am doing and all of a sudden he seems so happy!! You are trying to earn money for your LO and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There are no jobs where I live, and I'm car-less at the moment so in some ways I do envy you. And it's good that you are aware of what you can change to make for a happier little girl. I think we are all wracked with guilt in one way or another, that is called being a mum! Give yourself a pat on the back for being such an aware and conscious mummy x

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    Oh wow I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, it's something I've been struggling with a lot lately. 5 year old DD starts kindy next year and I've recently returned to work. I feel like all we do is fight, and the days we are together is spent cleaning, Xmas shopping, or just being exhausted. She is being very full on at the moment and I hate that I am yelling at her so much I just keep thinking that in a few weeks I'm going to miss her so much, so why aren't I making the most of having her with me now? I think I need to get more organised, even if it's doing an extra hour of housework when she is in bed so we have an hour to go the park the next day. She tells me I'm the best mummy ever but I really feel like I'm failing. Subbing for ideas and to let you know you aren't alone, and that even when we feel like we aren't doing the best job, in our kids eyes we are!


 

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