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  1. #1
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Default Privacy in a relationship

    Where do you stand on this?
    I read something interesting today on my newsfeed and would like to hear your thoughts..
    If your partner received an urgent looking legal letter in the mail and you called them at work asking if they wanted you to open it and read it to them and they replied "no, stop being so nosy", would this offend you? Even though you had never in the past opened their mail before or shown any interest in doing so?
    Where do you draw the line in a marriage or relationship regarding this? The opinions I read were a bit mixed.
    On the one hand, the letter is in their name. On the other, you are married (or partnered etc) so shouldn't they be open and honest with you? Isn't that what a good, solid relationship should be about?
    FTR, both parties already knew the gist of the contents of the letter, so it wasn't necessarily some big dark secret.
    Would you feel mistrusted and unimportant? Like it was none of your business? Is that behaviour acceptable to people in a relationship?
    I believe that we are all entitled to privacy and that being in a partnership or union doesn't automatically give your spouse the right to know every little minute detail, but in this instance, considering the circumstances, I'd have been really offended. Am I alone in thinking this way?
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 30-11-2015 at 21:35.

  2. #2
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    I open dh's mail. he's never told me off. exceptions are personally addressed bday cards from relatives that I know he'd like to open himself.

    I open anything Vic police related, mainly cos I want to beat him to/hide any speeding fines I've incurred 😂

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  4. #3
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I open dh's mail. he's never told me off. exceptions are personally addressed bday cards from relatives that I know he'd like to open himself.

    I open anything Vic police related, mainly cos I want to beat him to/hide any speeding fines I've incurred 😂
    Would you be offended if he asked you not to?

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    I'm a big believer that healthy relationships can have privacy. I would be rope able if DH opened my mail. He did it a few years ago and I was so angry at him.

    I wouldn't open DH's Mail and unless the letter in the OP concerned me I wouldn't have even asked to open it.

    So no wouldn't bother me. But once opened and he'd read it I'd ask him about it and expect him to be honest and open.

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    I open DH's mail all the time. He asks me to as otherwise he leaves it sitting unopened on the bench for weeks - apparently opening an envelope is farrrr too much effort! So I wouldn't have even called him to ask if I should open it.

    So if he told me not to open an envelope, I'd feel very suspicious and like he was mistrustful of me. I'd worry about what he was keeping from me as it would be very out of character...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'm a big believer that healthy relationships can have privacy
    We have privacy in that we don't share passwords for fb, email, etc. But it's never really come up... we also have privacy in the bathroom - we never poop in front of each other, lol

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    I like having privacy within my relationship and I do not open dh's mail nor does he mine. I don't think he would care if I were to open his mail though, to be honest. My dad drilled it in to me as a child how rude it is to open other people's mail so I just don't do it and never would.

    I also haven't shared my passwords (email, Facebook etc) with dh and would be quite put out if he asked for them. Not because I have anything to hide but more because.. Well, why ask?! If you trust someone you shouldn't need to ask to snoop through their things. I am sure I have left myself logged on before but I really don't think dh has or would snoop. Dh has given me his passwords because I have needed access to his stuff for logistical reasons before.. Still don't snoop though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    I open DH's mail all the time. He asks me to as otherwise he leaves it sitting unopened on the bench for weeks - apparently opening an envelope is farrrr too much effort! So I wouldn't have even called him to ask if I should open it.

    So if he told me not to open an envelope, I'd feel very suspicious and like he was mistrustful of me. I'd worry about what he was keeping from me as it would be very out of character...
    This is us as well. Although I did regret opening one a few years ago. It was an invitation to a bucks day (very good friends of ours) with a picture of the buck passed out naked on the front. I was horrified, thankfully we could all have a good laugh about it (including the friends)!

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    We share everything. Nothing is off limits. I open his mail only because if I left it to him it would never get opened. I nagging him to open mine when I am away.
    We don't go into each others wallet or purses unless asked. But it isn't a big deal if we have for some strange reason.
    We share the one bank account etc..

    If he asked me not open something I would assume it a present. A legal document I would be having a head spin to why.

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  17. #10
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I personally never opened my ex DH's mail either and he didn't open mine.
    I think though in the particular example I read about today, the circumstances were different and out of the ordinary and the request to open that letter was probably due to genuine concern (if they'd just wanted to snoop they wouldn't have called to ask if they should read it to them) and the response, the refusal, would have taken me aback and probably offended me.


 

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