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  1. #1
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    Default In a hard place need some advice!

    Hi,
    I am 22 years old, living with my boyfriend and a housemate. I've just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant (this isn't the first time, I had an abortion because my boyfriend didn't want it) I regretted that decision.
    He does not want it this time either purely for the fact that he says we can't afford it and he says his not ready but I just think he doesn't want to be tied down.
    My mum has said I can move home and save up to get back on my feet while having the baby. I want this baby but I am also scared and nervous and I'm just not sure if I should be putting pressure on my family by moving home.
    I love my boyfriend and I do not want to lose him but I want this baby so I am stuck.
    Need some advice, would be great 😊 thank you!

  2. #2
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    don't terminate for him. you've said you did it once and regret it. if you want the baby, take what help is offered to you. you will repay it in some form or other when you're able to down the track.

    do you have a job?

  3. #3
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    Hugs, not sure what to say, but by the sound of it you really regretted your previous decision, it almost sounds like you were pressured into making it, which is really sad.

    On one hand, bringing up a child is life changing and can be very tough, however it is also very rewarding. I know many women who fell pregnant as teenagers and were fortunate enough to have excellent family support (like it sounds like you have) and they absolutely didn't regret their decision to keep their baby. Some of them even went on to finish their uni degrees and have careers etc. I don't think you would be a burden on your family - if I had a daughter in your situation I would want to do everything I could to help.

    If you can find some support services in your area and discuss your options. But please make a decision for you and not for your boyfriend.

    You are right in that you might lose him. I can't comment on your relationship, however I think it's important that you make your own decision then try to have an open discussion with him - he may just need some time to get used to the idea, or he may not want involvement. If it's the latter you need to ask yourself if this is really the man you want to be with??

    Best of luck x

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  5. #4
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    Don't abort if u want the baby. You may resent him later if u do.

  6. #5
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    Get some counselling to help you make the decision. I aborted a baby due to my boyfriend not being supportive of the pregnancy and I regretted it. Now I'm struggling and in 4th round of IVF with my husband.

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    I know it seems like it'll be this massive thing to have the baby at your age but it won't mean your life is over.

    22 is a great age to be a mum, I wish I had the energy of a 22 year old. And it's like six years which really isn't that long and then all of a sudden you're a hip 28 year old and your baby is off to school and you can follow your dreams still.

    When I was 22 my bestie got pregnant and the guy wasn't supportive and everyone thought she wouldn't cope. Fast forward to now and she's a hot 30 something with this really cool kid and they're really close and since having her daughter she's moved countries and travelled and started her own business and found the love of her life.

    Motherhood is amazing. You sound like you want the baby and have support so go for it. It'll be a wild ride but the love you'll feel for that baby is going to blow your mind.

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  9. #7
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    In your position, with family support and the fact you regretted your previous termination and that you say you want the baby, I would absolutely go ahead with the pregnancy. The relationship with your boyfriend may end but your child will be forever connected to you.

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    The situation you're in makes it difficult. Whatever you do don't terminate, again, just because he doesn't want the baby. You have a right to decide what you want as well and if you want to keep that baby then don't let him get in your head and convince you to make a decision you are going to regret.

    The fact that your mum is letting you come back home is a great sign and I would take all the help you can get while you're in this position. Don't feel guilty for putting pressure on your family if they're willing to help you out as much as they can.

    As for your boyfriend I think you need to sit down and talk to him about what you want. As I said before don't be pressured into doing something you don't want to do just to keep him happy. Your happiness matters as well and if it's keeping this baby then you need to tell him that.

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    If you were my daughter I wouldn't want you to worry about putting pressure on the family - I'd welcome you home with open arms in this situation.

    I'd also be focussing on what *you* want this time. You already did what your boyfriend wanted and regretted it once. He doesn't get to make this decision for you and if he's happy for you to ignore your own feelings and wishes then he's not someone I'd be prioritising. You might lose him, but do you really want to 'keep' someone who pressures you into doing something you don't want to do?

    Good luck with the decision. (Hugs)

  12. #10
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    Focus on you. Your family already offered for you to come home? That means that you are not putting pressure on them, they are offering and aware of everything that is coming.

    I'm sure you feel like you should do what you can to make your boyfriend happy, but does it sound like he's doing that for you? If he insisted on an abortion and you are regretting it?

    Young guys sometimes react pretty dramatically to thoughts of a baby. And I'm not saying your partner is a jerk here, okay stay with me on this, but its possible he's terrified. But if you know he's a good guy, he'll try to understand your point of view and why you have to do whats right for you.
    If, and I said if, he's a jerk he won't even try to see how you feel. And that should be a very clear sign to you.

    Do what is best for you. Only you know your partner and how that will play out. But don't put someones feelings above your own when they don't do the same for you. It's a two way street.

    Good luck working out whats best for you.


 

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