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  1. #41
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    My only real issue is with the soft c0ck comment. For me, it's more than feeling uncomfortable. It's illegal. expecting people not to swear is actual legal. I work in open plan and swearing is forbidden. We're not a bunch of fuddy duddies at all but we are asked to be respectful and also acknowledge board members are constantly wandering around. It's just not on.

    As an aside it appeals to my sense of humour that a librarian is defending the loud raucous working environment. Don't you have to practice saying "shhh!" Before they let you be in charge of a library 🤓 😛

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I actually see someone continually bringing up their wife and family, possibly to create a barrier. He's constantly reminding his coworkers he's married with kids. No woman has ever said "oh he put his young son on the phone to me- he's totally into me".

    In my opinion he's sending out clear unavailable messages, not flirting.
    This is a good point.

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  5. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    My only real issue is with the soft c0ck comment. For me, it's more than feeling uncomfortable. It's illegal. expecting people not to swear is actual legal. I work in open plan and swearing is forbidden. We're not a bunch of fuddy duddies at all but we are asked to be respectful and also acknowledge board members are constantly wandering around. It's just not on.

    As an aside it appeals to my sense of humour that a librarian is defending the loud raucous working environment. Don't you have to practice saying "shhh!" Before they let you be in charge of a library 🤓 😛
    I've been shushed in the library by patrons before 🙊
    Anyway the comment seems to be an indictment on the colleague not the OP's husband- he didn't say it. I still don't feel as if he's done anything wrong whatsoever.

  6. #44
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    I called my deeply religious COO an a**hole several times today.

    We have that rapport.

    Another employee said something rude the other day and he asked me if he'd been too familiar with her.

    OP, what you've written sounds inconsequential, but if you have history contributing to this, maybe it's time for a friendly reminder of what happened last time and how this makes you feel.

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    If your gut tells you something is up, something is up! My intuition has always been spot on.

  9. #46
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    Just to add I don't think based on what the op has said he's having an affair or even doing anything dodgy. The PP who pointed out his conduct in showing photos of his wife is spot on. Men who want affairs with coworkers don't do that.

    The op dropped hints about past problems without going into details so it's hard to know how much this impacts on the current situation.

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    The comment and the text in the middle of the night would send me fuming, that is totally inappropriate. I don't really see how that would ever be appropriate behavior...

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    My husband and I both work in construction and both fly in fly out and both in high pressure project teams. I could write a book with the stuff that goes on in a work place but we both get it. Dh and I don't work together and opposite sides of the country most times. I had a project husband lol it's just how it works. DH left his phone on once after I talked to him and I listened to him for an hour and it was fascinating hearing how he spoke to people and what they spoke about. Your work mates are such an important part of life so I think it's all good here.

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    I would be frustrated and annoyed. I don't think your over reacting and would be raising it with him

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    Thank you for everyone's input it's been good to read it all.

    We did talk last night and it ended well.

    I reminded him that he needs to keep himself in check and that he should not engage in behavior that will pave a path that can lead to things happening later on down the track.

    He offered to leave his job (look for new job) or to step right back. He said he started to feel sick and feel weal in the legs and needed to sit down.

    I myself am struggling as the last time hubby played up (sent texts to co worker saying things like 'you look like that hot chick from...... at 2am coz he was drunk) was very shortly after our first child was born. I told him he needs an action plan for getting through the first few months of baby number #2 life without playing up and he said that won't even be a problem coz he is not who he use to be.

    either way it was good to talk and good that he knows that I'm just going to sit quietly for the sake of keeping relationship together. I rather get out if it's not going to work.

    we are trying hard to make it work, it's been tough with kids, mortgage, work stress it's really not easy but I need him to stay focused on not creating any more damage to 'us'.

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