I would be uncomfortable with this - all of it.
But I guess the test is what is Ok for you and your DH in your marriage. Only you guys really know what is acceptable in your relationship.
I wondered what you meant about you winning your DH's trust back? Why did you have to win his trust back? He was the one lying to you.
I don't buy that your DH needs a coworkers help to buy your birthday present. A co worker he's known for 3 months and doesn't know you. How would they know what to buy his wife who he has been married to over 3 years? It sounds like he's making excuses to call on them, ask them for help.
If it makes you uncomfortable, especially given the history, he needs to adjust his behaviour. What's more important here for him?
Im sorry Op and I hope he hears you out.
Honestly? I don't really see any evidence of flirting in your OP. My work place is very friendly and quite casual (amongst certain people)- I see quite a few of the guys outside of work and have been known to send them drunk text messages if it was pertinent (eg I had found out some good gossip, or a particularly good souvlaki place I knew they would like!)
Putting your DS on the phone to a colleague sounds sort of sweet. Showing colleagues your picture wouldn't bother me, but I can understand how it might bother you, but I couldn't make a call on that because it would depend on if you thought that your DH would know you wouldn't like it.
The name calling wouldn't bother me either as it wouldn't raise an eyebrow at my work.
The only part that would bother me is a colleague I didn't know buying me a present, but that just seems weird, lazy and impersonal not suspicious.
I don't think any of it adds up to reprehensible behavior, some people are just very friendly with their workmates. From what you have said here, it feels to me like you're overreacting. I wouldn't be terribly pleased if DP effectively told me that he didn't like me being close with my work mates. If you work full time and spend most of your waking hours with colleagues, some choose to form stronger and more personal relationships with those people. I don't see anything wrong with that.
I must be really old fashioned then but how is calling your boss a "soft ****" ever ok?
Seriously even if there was nothing else that's just not on. You can have fun and make work fun but how that is ok is just odd to me.
I can't imagine ever calling anyone at work, superior or otherwise, a softc0ck. it's just unprofessional and unnecessary.
I wouldn't be comfortable with any of that either. I don't think it indicates cheating necessarily, but it's unprofessional and there's boundaries being crossed, and it's the kind of thing that can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings all too easily. And really - getting a coworker to choose and buy your present? That's not on.
Working in law firms is incredibly friendly and people can behave like you have described @FearlessLeader. The hours people work are insane and it brings with it a sense of us against the world and the working relationship is incredibly intense. It changed though after I had kids and my life became about getting the work done and getting home.
Also in my last law firm the partner was a female and it just wasn't her style. The group was still fun and supportive and I guess looking back I see how uncomfortable a lot of our behaviour might have made others feel.
If the OP's husbands workplace is like this and she's not happy then maybe it's a conversation they have to have.
Something clearly happened 3 years ago in a different workplace which can not helped the way the op feels.
Last edited by Sonja; 30-11-2015 at 20:31.
(My opinion was clearly so wonderfully expressed it was posted twice 😎)
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