Sorry it's taken me a while to come back and respond some good suggestions, thanks everyone!
As far as day sleeps, if goes to bed late he sleeps through the night he doesn't seem to need a sleep the next day, but he will then go to bed early and we do the 3am thing.
If he wakes at 3am he will have a sleep but it's usually still early morning when that happens, like around the time I'd like him to be waking up But even if he only sleeps for a few hours at this time, he will then be up late the following night. It's a cycle.
We do lay down and cuddle with him when he wakes. He will get up and come to our room and one of us will go back to his room with him. We've also tried getting him to lay down in our bed but no luck there either. Sometimes he will lay quietly for over an hour but he tosses and turns a lot and is really restless which means both of us are kept awake. Very, very occasionally he will go back to sleep but most of the time he eventually wants to get up. Trying to get him to stay in bed at that point results in tantrums and screaming which is not something I want to deal with that early in the morning Plus I don't think there's much point trying to force him to sleep if he can't sleep IYKWIM. Maybe I'm wrong though.
I have thought about a gro-clock but at this point I think it would all be a bit over his head. He doesn't seem to follow directions well yet so I don't think he'd get it. Also, he's very strong willed and stubborn so even if he understood what it meant he would probably just get up anyway
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