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  1. #1
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    Default When does it get better?

    I'm having a really bad day. My ds2 is 10 weeks tomorrow and I'm ashamed to say i haven't really enjoyed him much at all. It was a stressful pregnancy, traumatic birth and so far he's been a difficult baby. We just can't seem to get things right. It's been a battle finding a formula that fits him. The dr has put him on aptimal gold +. We are 4 days in and sometimes he's ok, others he screams and refuses the bottle. He's been like this on every formula. It's usually from lunchtime to midnight that he's unsettled. Lately it's just the whole day but he's sleeping well at night. Generally asleep by 8 (which is also a battle), sleeps til 2am, has a bottle and goes back to sleep, starts fussing from 5am. Sometimes he has his morning bottle fine, others he tries but then cries. Today it's been a battle getting bottles into him. It's so hot i don't understand why he's not drinking. And of course I'm worried about dehydration etc. He has no fever or anything.
    He's always had wind issues, but I've tried the infants friend and infacol.

    The dr says it's normal. How is this normal. Because he takes the bottle no problems at times, he's regular and putting on weight she sees no problem, just some babies are difficult. Sometimes it's impossible to settle him, he just cries and cries and screams. Dh says we need to let him cry sometimes. But it distresses ds1 so i try to soothe him. I feel like a failure when i can't settle him. Earlier he got himself so worked up he started coughing and choking. I was freaking out i was going to lose him.
    Dh was at golf this morning, and it's just been the worse day ever. Not sure if getting my period today for the first time since before i was pregnant is magnifying the feeings. Pesky hormones.
    Ds1 has been playing up. Ds2 has been extremely unsettled.
    I just had a massive breakdown. Ds2 would not settle. Dh is home now. I gave the crying baby to him, walked outside and had a huge cry. I feel like leaving. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am half way through maternity leave, i go back to work in about 10 weeks time. I remember with ds1 dreading it. This time i can't wait. And then come the guilty feelings again.
    So when does it get better? When do i get the smiling happy baby my ds1 was, that all my friends have? What am i doing wrong? Is there something wrong with my baby? Has anyone else been through this and when did things improve?

  2. #2
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    You're in the worst bit for crying. It should settle down by 12 weeks. Have you tried a carrier? Babies are comforted by being close to you... Perhaps speak to your GP as well about how you are feeling.

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    meandmyboys82  (29-11-2015)

  4. #3
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    First of all big hugs!

    And yes it does get better, providing there is no underlying medical issue.

    Your DS sounds very similar to mine except for the changing of formula.

    How often is he feeding?
    My DS now 14 weeks, will do the same with his bottles when he is overtired.

    Does he catnap through the day? You said he sleeps well at night which is exactly the same as my DS, but only catnaps through the day.

    It was around 10 weeks when I had my really bad day and broke down with just tears of exhaustion and frustration. I felt really disconnected from him to cope with the crying and I was getting so angry with my 3yo DD. But after that day I got my "second wind" so to speak and was able to see things in a better light.

    I worked on getting him to sleep more through the day and we still have problems with the crying when he gets overtired. He will cry pretty much everytime before going to sleep unless we are out and he goes off in the pram.

    Does he fall asleep in the pram? Do you find he is ok out and about?

    You said your DH was at golf. Is it possible for you to arrange some time out next weekend? Get some space clear your head.

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    meandmyboys82  (29-11-2015)

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    Hi there big hugs. I know exactly how you feel. It use to take me up to 1 hr per feed for my bubs to take his bottle (use to be breast milk and then formula) i would find that if insat in the rocking chair and rocked him he wouldntakr ot better or walked up and down the hallway singing would get him yo drink. It does get better I promise...if you can just let your hubby takr over for an hour and clear your head with a long walk.

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    meandmyboys82  (29-11-2015)

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    It's not reflux is it?

  9. #6
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    Thanks ladies. He's having a big nap right now. Hopefully he tales a bottle when he wakes up he hasn't had one since 7am, and only had a few sucks on the 2 i offered throughout the day.

    He's good in the pram in the mornings so i often pop to the shops after dropping ds1 off at daycare and walk him around in the pram and he'll either sleep or loves looking around at everything.
    He does catnap some days which is frustrating. He sleeps better when ds1 is at daycare as it's quieter i suppose.

    He usually feeds every 3.5-5 hours, except at night he goes longer.

    I have felt disconnected from both boys today. This is unusual for me and I'm blaming it on the return of my period. I have been very short tempered!

    I do have a ring sling but it's been way too hot for it. I hate summer!!
    Bubs does love it though when it's cooler.
    I have a carrier too but he hates that one.

    When he's worked up i can sometimes get him to take his bottle while walking him around and humming. I can't sit in the glider when he's like that though, he knows as soon as i sit down and cracks it, then the cycle starts all over again. Kid loves being walked around, it's exhausting!!

    I asked dr about reflux. She said at his age they're trying not to medicate as much unless absolutely necessary. She gave me the aptimal formula to try, if he doesn't improve go back and we'll look at a reflux formula or meds.
    The formula did seem to be improving him and then bam, crap weekend. I don't know if I'm grasping for straws here but it seems like he's worse when ds1 and dh are around. When it's just the 2 of us through the week he's better.

    He won't let dh feed him anymore. Since he went back to work he just screams when dh has him. Except for today. That was a first, dh could settle him and i couldn't - it's usually the other way around.

  10. #7
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    This could be completely out of line and so please ignore me if it is but is there any way you could breastfeed him? The formula could be upsetting him or he just wants to be close. Again, just a suggestion and absolutely no judgement.

  11. #8
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    I had low supply so was mix feeding, and he started refusing the boob so now we are just fotmula feeding.

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    LaceyGracie  (29-11-2015)

  13. #9
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    IMO I dont think formula feeding stops them from feeling close to you if you're holding them while feeding

    OP have you looked into whether it could be reflux? Our DD had reflux and was a different child once the losec kicked in. Big hugs, the first few months are hard
    Last edited by Molros; 29-11-2015 at 21:38.

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    meandmyboys82  (01-12-2015)

  15. #10
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    Default When does it get better?

    OP I hope it gets better for you soon. I was in a similar situation with my DD who is now 5 months old. I almost could have written your post (except bf instead of formula). Very sick pregnancy very dangerous birth prem baby in hospital for 2 weeks and a total nightmare for the first 10-12 weeks. She screamed all the time and was generally miserable, wouldn't sleep, couldn't put her down, hated the car and the pram. I cried every day and fantasised about going back to work and putting her in childcare just to get away. We had ivf to have her and I just kept thinking why did I ruin my perfectly good life for this. I was in a very bad place. Started losec at 10 weeks and within a week things were improving. Now at 21 weeks she seems to me to be a 'normal' happy baby. I can now see why people enjoy their babies but I went through a couple of months of no enjoyment so I know how awful that is.
    If there's no improvement I'd be seeking a trial of losec. If it works hallelujah. If not try something else. In the meantime cry in the shower - I used to try and hide in the shower at night when DH got home but half the time he'd bring screaming DD in and ask me to get out to help!
    Can you try loud white noise while he's napping to try and drown out background noise? My DD is a light sleeper so she always has loud white noise (rainfall sound) to help block out house noise and neighbours dog barking. The other thing with my DD is she's very sensitive to overstimulation. She sleeps in dark room during the day, loud white noise, tightly wrapped and when she's overtired or wound up I take her into her darkened bedroom and lay on the bed to calm her.
    It will get better eventually. He'll get bigger and things will change. I know that doesn't help when you're in the thick of it but you'll come out the other end.
    ETA: please don't feel bad for soothing your bub, 10 weeks is so little he needs your comfort cuddles and reassurance xx

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    meandmyboys82  (01-12-2015)


 

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