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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    I can understand how you feel. I consented to an internal, and decided that it was too uncomfortable and asked her to stop. She said it wouldn't be much longer and continued. Afterwards she said that the reason it was so painful was that she had done a stretch and sweep. I have the same feelings about it as you do your situation, and it's been a year. There were further issues in my birth as well, which have all compounded each other. I've been looking into counselling for birth trauma - finding someone who specialises in it is important. A lot of people providing trauma and ptsd counselling don't often get it. I've gotten the you have a happy healthy baby line over and over - it's not helpful and invalidates all feelings you have in relation to the birth.

    There is a closed Facebook page BTAANZ Peer Support, and the BTAANZ page in general - they might be able to assist with birth trauma counselling resources in your area. Doulas also often offer birth debrief sessions.

    Feel free to PM me if you want someone to chat with who gets it
    Thank you so much. Indeed i do have a healthy and happy baby now which i should be very grateful of. what bothers me is Dr didn't even bother to inform me which to me is lack of respect and violation of my authority over my body. I wouldn't say no if she had asked me or even if she told me my water had already been broken for whatever reasons, i wouldn't mind. However, she told me nothing, which makes me wonder if she thought i was intelligently incapable of understanding breaking of water and not worth explaing.

    I would look into the Facebook page and i think i need hospital records and have a closure. I think i need counseling as well. Thank you.

  2. #22
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    Thank you everyone. Your posts has really helped me to realize that i am not just overreacting. It may sound a minor issue to some, but to me sometimes it really affects my self esteem. I just keep thinking why didn't the dr tell me, did she think i am stupid or not worth it.
    Now i can see i need a counselor, i need to find out exactly what happened at birth.
    I had a very long labour with my ds and delivered my son in the theatre operation table with forceps. However i didn't consider it being traumatic. However, dd was delivered just 2 hours after arriving at hospital with no major complications, however to this day what the dr has done still haunts me.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by HLE View Post
    Thank you everyone. Your posts has really helped me to realize that i am not just overreacting. It may sound a minor issue to some, but to me sometimes it really affects my self esteem. I just keep thinking why didn't the dr tell me, did she think i am stupid or not worth it.
    Now i can see i need a counselor, i need to find out exactly what happened at birth.
    I had a very long labour with my ds and delivered my son in the theatre operation table with forceps. However i didn't consider it being traumatic. However, dd was delivered just 2 hours after arriving at hospital with no major complications, however to this day what the dr has done still haunts me.
    I often wonder if the staff thought I was incapable of making informed choices, or completely stupid, because I was uninformed about some issues, and when I was asked about things such as an epidural or an episiotomy, or supplementing my labour and I declined, they continued to ask me anyway. When I think about it more logically now, I suspect it was just because they were just in the routine of doing their job and it was not a big deal for them. Having said that, I've got a list of things I will be spelling out in no uncertain terms should I decide to go back for another. Chances are good I'll be at the same hospital with the same team as I am high risk.... so I'm trying to find a good person to debrief with.

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by HLE View Post
    Thank you everyone. Your posts has really helped me to realize that i am not just overreacting. It may sound a minor issue to some, but to me sometimes it really affects my self esteem. I just keep thinking why didn't the dr tell me, did she think i am stupid or not worth it.
    Now i can see i need a counselor, i need to find out exactly what happened at birth.
    I had a very long labour with my ds and delivered my son in the theatre operation table with forceps. However i didn't consider it being traumatic. However, dd was delivered just 2 hours after arriving at hospital with no major complications, however to this day what the dr has done still haunts me.
    I think counselling, getting a copy of your records and writing to the hospital are all great ideas. I just wanted to say that I'm sure that the Dr didn't think that you were stupid or not worth it. Some Drs are just really poor communicators. I hope you can get some closure on this soon. Good luck.

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    HLE  (27-11-2015)

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by me+he&she=three View Post
    Whilst if done on purpose you should have been told...I think you should get over it - much worse things happen in labour and if you have a healthy Bub to show for it then be very thankful
    Wow. Just wow.

  9. #26
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    I think there's some great advice here. Definitely don't leave this unresolved. From personal experience I can tell you that it will eat away at you until you make positive steps towards dealing with your feelings. I recommend writing a letter to get it off your chest. Ask your hospital for your records (you may have to pay) and go through them with a birth professional (I went through mine with an OB but an independent mid or doula would be fine). Just beat in mind that they may be a bit reserved in their response but they will be able to explain the facts. After you know what happened (because it may well be that you already had leaking waters and the rest ruptured as a result of the VE or they may have ruptured at a different time), seek a good counsellor who dealt with birth trauma.

    The most important thing to remember is that your feelings are valid so please please please don't let anyone play the "at least you have a healthy baby" card. That is so totally wrong. These people have no idea what impact birth trauma can have on a woman. You don't have to have a horrible birth to be traumatised from it and it doesn't make your feelings any less justified if you end up with a fairly good labour (physically) and a healthy baby.

    Best of luck, OP.

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  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Being entitled to an opinion doesn't mean you shouldn't censor it. There was absolutely no point in you saying what you said aside from to make the OP feel like her feelings were worthless. And it's people like you and "opinions" like that that stops those of us who have had birth experience that are hurtful or traumatic or emotionally painful from discussing them and actually having the chance to "get over it". Think before you speak, it's a sign of maturity and grace.
    Way more eloquent than what I was going to say....

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  13. #28
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    OP please don't feel like you need to just "get over it". That is horrible advise.
    I've had to 2 very traumatic births. The first i was naive and uninformed, and felt like i had no say in how things went.
    The second i knew everything that was going on right up until 10 drs and nurses came running into the room and i was very quickly being wheeled to theatre, and put under GA. That feeling is something i will never forget, i have never been so scared in my life.
    You need to grieve in a way. I'm sure most people have this idea of how their labour and birth experience will go, and when it doesn't, you feel a sense of loss and disappointment, even though yes, you have a healthy bub and you yourself are ok. It's normal. You have every right to be upset that things were being done to you that you were not informed about.
    It is my pet hate when people say at least you have a healthy baby. I am eternally grateful for the hospital staff doing what they did in my second labour, if they hadn't intervened when they did it's very likely myself or my baby, or even both of us, could have died. But it doesn't take away how traumatized i am by it and how sad i am that it turned out the way it did.

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  15. #29
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    I am a little late but want to echo what other's have said.

    You are entitled to your feelings. They are valid. And should not be dismissed as 'get over it'.

    Whenever there is a medical procedure there should be consent. Yes, sometimes waters break when an internal is being done (happened with me) BUT I was informed straight away by the midwife. She explained what she was doing asked if I was ok etc.

    So what the dr did was wrong. If you felt uncomfortable, violated then what they did was wrong. It is not too late to discuss this with the hospital. Maybe the dr thought you knew what was going on etc but this may be the feedback that ensures the dr is more careful in future.

    Also there are fabulous trauma counsellors and there are people here who will have aome recommendations for you.

    Hugs and all the best

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    HLE  (27-11-2015)

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    op, I completely understand why even months later you can't get it off your mind.
    My dd was 2 in August and even now years later I can't stop thinking about how her birth was a shambles and I feel like I walked in blindfolded, as did the team in with me.
    Dd's head was too big to fit my pelvis and was never going to be an unassisted birth. No one picked up on this though, because I only had two scans the entire pregnancy- one early on to make sure she wasn't twins again, and the second was the morphology scan.
    I laboured for 12 hours with no relief. I was asked if I wanted my waters broken and I declined as I would have preferred them to break naturally. An hour or two later the ob persisted and so my waters broke.
    From there on and for the next two hours, the midwives insisted I push with every contraction, even though I had no urge to push. I pushed for two hours and dd did not move an inch. It was excruciating and I ended up with major issues because of it. (Imagine trying to do number 2 and sitting on the toilet for two hours just pushing and pushing and it should give you an idea of what happened)
    In the end I was taken into theatre and had the vacuum, episiotomy and forceps. Dd was born in distress and my private area was mangled.
    Then, to add insult to injury the ob did not even come and visit me for another 5 days while on the ward. Each day the midwives would ask if I wanted to go home, but how could I go home and take care of two four year olds and a newborn when I couldn't even walk or stand? I was constantly crying and asking for ice packs and pain relief and it wasn't until I begged a midwife to check me out that she realised what had happened to me during birth and she rang the ob to come and have a look.
    He waltzed in happy as larry the next morning- "sorry I haven't checked on you sooner- I've been training for Kokoda".
    If I could have, I would have leaped out of bed to strangle him.

    Sorry, I've turned that into an issue about me.
    My long winded point was if you still feel bothered about it, and don't think you are able to continue ignoring it- and especially if you are thinking about another baby in the future- the hospital and dr needs to know that you have an issue.
    I understand if you feel reluctant though. Even with all my issues detailed above I haven't done anything, because I don't like to cause trouble or make a fuss. And I know that seems lame but I would be horrified if the staff there thought of me as that "woman who complained more than 2 years later" even though I'm not having any more children and don't have to see them again (except if I bump into them around town).

    Do what feels right for you. Xx

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